Timing
by CruorLuna
Summary: Tonks has to keep Harry safe from Sirius Black, but what happens when she meets an old friend along the way? TonksLupin pairing. Set during PoA. Yeah, I know she wasn't there. I put her there. Please R&R, better than it sounds! I can't do summaries!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Yes, I own ... this ... and, um, well, the plot, is really about all I own ... Belle and I own the whipped cream, if that counts? No? Ah well. All hail JKR.

**A/N:** Nymphus!! My first ever Nymphus fic, so be kind to me? Please:) But seriously, this is another of those random thoughts that just sort of come to me and I have to write the fic or it drives me insane - I've had this in my head for a week. And now I'm talking about owning whipped cream. I believe my point has been proven.

**Reviews:** If you feel so inclined, then I accept constructive criticism - I can even handle flames!

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"And Dumbledore's agreed to this?"

"Only he and McGonnagall know who you really are – everyone else will treat you like a regular student. Which means no showing off your magical skills!"

"Not even a little bit?"

"Tonks …!"

"All right, all right! I'd better go get ready, then – I'll need to shrink all my clothes and dig out my old robes, I guess. And come up with a disguise!"

"You'll be fine. Dawlish and I'll meet you at King's Cross tomorrow morning – be there are ten-thirty sharp. We want to go over a few things before you leave."

"Got it. See you tomorrow, Kingsley."

Nymphadora Tonks – known by her surname to all those who enjoyed the privilege of breathing – hung up her phone looking irritated. Last-minute missions were to be expected in her line of work – she didn't sign up to be an Auror for the paperwork and small cubicle that apparently constituted an office – but this was ridiculous. A last-minute mission that would last her an indefinite period of time – a live-in position, nonetheless! She grumbled to herself as she raided her wardrobe, shrinking all her clothes to roughly the size a thirteen-year-old girl might wear, and digging out the Hogwarts' school robes she hadn't worn in nine years. She transfigured her old yellow-with-black-stripes Hufflepuff tie into a red-with-gold-stripes Gryffindor one. She felt like such a house-whore. But, it was all for a good cause … Well, as good a cause as any, at least.

She was to go undercover as a student at Hogwarts' School Of Witchcraft And Wizardry – a Gryffindor student, nine years after she had already graduated as a Hufflepuff. And since then she had become a trained Auror for the Ministry of Magic – fair enough, it had taken her longer than most to qualify, after taking a few years out to travel, and then almost failing her Stealth and Tracking exams. But she had done it all the same.

And why was she being sent undercover? Well, to keep The Boy Who Lived, just that – alive. Notorious mass-murderer, Sirius Black, had escaped from Azkaban prison, and word inside the Ministry was that he did so for the purposes of killing Harry Potter. His own godson, whose parents he had supposedly betrayed to You-Know-Who. There was one tiny problem with Tonks' new assignment, of protecting Potter and catching Black. Deep down, she didn't really believe Sirius had done anything wrong. She still believed him to be innocent – he was, after all, her mother's cousin.

Her favourite cousin, and Tonks' favourite babysitter as a child. He was always so much fun, and he came bearing not only chocolate – although that in itself was reason to worship him – but tales of his many, many wrongdoings at Hogwarts. But they were always harmless pranks, and usually hilarious. Never anything involving the Dark Arts – and certainly nothing to suggest he would ever betray his best friends. Then again, the whole Black family had been Slytherins up until Sirius – and his younger brother had been a Death Eater, supporting the Dark Lord. It wasn't THAT much of a stretch to imagine he had gone bad too … it just hurt.

Shaking those thoughts from her brain, Tonks waved her wand in a sweeping motion around the room, and clothes from all around her flew into the open trunk at her feet. She opened the parcel Kingsley Shacklebolt had sent her via owl earlier that evening, right before contacting her via Muggle telephone. Inside were all the books she would need for the next academic year at Hogwarts – joy. She shoved them into her trunk along with her cauldron and a few quills, bits of parchment – the usual rubbish. She then slammed it shut and decided it was time for bed – and a moment later, managed to trip over the trunk, stubbing her toe AND falling flat on her face. Thank Merlin she lived alone, she thought grimly, clambering into bed with all her clothes on.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Now, you're sure you know what you have to do?" Kingsley asked for the fourth time.

"Yes!" Tonks straightened her school skirt uncomfortably, tugging her cloak tighter around her. "Owl you once a week and keep an eye on the Prophet for news. It's not hard."

"Just make sure you stick to the Potter kid like glue," Kingsley said quietly. "If Black really is after him, he's more likely to do it in school than around a bunch of Muggles."

"I still don't think he'd be stupid enough to attack Harry right under Dumbledore's nose!"

"We don't know what he'd do – he's a madman," Dawlish said in his slow drawl.

"You just take care of yourself, Nymph –- Tonks," Kingsley amended quickly. "And have a good term!" he added more loudly, as a crowd of parents passed. Tonks rolled her eyes.

"Shut up, Shacklebolt," she said warningly, as he sniggered at the sight of two identical redheaded boys walking past and giving disguised-Tonks the eye. "Just, shut up, or I'll hex you into next week, and tell my classmates my Uncle Dawlish taught me how!"

"You'll do nothing of the sort, Tonks," Dawlish said monotonously. "You're an underage witch now, remember? No magic until you're safely inside Hogwarts grounds."

Tonks shot her colleague a scowl as she tucked her wand inside her robes for safekeeping.

"It was a joke, Dawlish," she said witheringly. "Sort of," she added in a whisper to Kingsley as she pushed past Dawlish to make her way onto the train. Shacklebolt grinned.

"Hogwarts must have seen enough of you already, Tonks. Don't ask me why they agreed to take on more! But seeing as they did … good luck. And watch out for Black. I know you've been well trained, and I know he's after Potter … but like Dawlish said, we don't know what he's capable of doing, even to an innocent child. Just be on your guard."

"Always!" She gave Kingsley a wink, threw another glower in Dawlish's direction, and turned and boarded the familiar red steam train.

It didn't take her long to find her target – he and another boy, with flaming red hair, and a girl with bushy brown hair, were trailing up the train just ahead of her, looking for seats. She hung back for a few moments, and then followed them, right up to the last carriage, where they finally entered. Tonks counted to ten in her head, before double checking her disguise in the train window, and sliding open the carriage door. All three teens looked up.

"Hi," she said nervously. "D'you mind if I have a seat? Everywhere's kind of … full."

"No, sure, sit down!" said the redheaded boy, perhaps a little too eagerly, as the girl glared at him pointedly. "We've got plenty of room – haven't we, Harry?!"

"Uh, sure," Harry Potter said, smiling at her. "Come on in, have a seat. I'm Harry."

"I noticed!" Tonks said, sitting down right across from him. "You're Harry Potter!"

"Yeah," he said, looking around slightly uncomfortably. Damn! Idiot Tonks, she thought.

"Wow," she said, feigning thoughtfulness. "I always thought meeting a celebrity would make me all tongue-tied and stuff. But it's funny – you don't seem all that special to me."

The redheaded boy snorted with laughter, and to her great relief, Harry grinned.

"This is Ron Weasley," he said, indicating his friend, "and Hermione Granger."

"I'm Tonks," she said chirpily, and all three stared at her sceptically.

"Tonks?" the girl named Hermione repeated. "That doesn't sound much like a name."

"It's my last name," she admitted. "My mother had a twisted sense of humour, and I hate my first name. I've gone by my surname since I was at Hog – uh, since I was six."

Moron! She cursed herself. She had almost blown her cover already.

"So what is your first name?" Harry asked curiously, a grin still firmly fixed on his face.

"Not telling," she laughed, sticking out her tongue. She glanced to the only other occupant of the carriage – an older man, sleeping quite soundly in the corner. She jerked her head.

"Who's he?" she asked, undoing the top fastenings of her cloak – she'd forgotten it itched.

"Professor R. J. Lupin," Hermione replied instantly. Tonks felt her throat close up.

"Lupin?" she repeated, suddenly wanting to get the cloak unfastened quicker. She was extremely warm, now she thought about it.

"That's what it says on his case." Ron pointed to the battered suitcase in the overhead compartment. Tonks muttered a whole string of curse words, several of which were apparently new to the three teens, as they stared at her with mingled expressions of shock and bewilderment. Of all the people in the world to be on the train!

Remus John Lupin – it was him all right. She recognised him now: older, greyer, and far more lined than the last time she had seen him, about twelve years ago, but still with the same strong jaw; the same laughter lines around his mouth; and the same brownish hair flopping over his eyes. Not only had he been Sirius' best friend – a problem in and of itself, now that Sirius had escaped from Azkaban: Remus would be a suspected accomplice if he placed himself at the school – he had also been her first crush. Fair enough, he was eight years her senior, but that was nothing, not in the grand scheme of things.

But – she thought with a sickening jolt – if he remembered her too, he would know this was just a disguise. He would recognise her name – curse her mother! What kind of a name was 'Nymphadora,' really, anyway? – and he would most certainly know she was no longer thirteen years old. She had been older than that the last time she had seen him, for Merlin's sake! This was the kind of problem she did not need one day in.

"What's going on?" Ron hissed suddenly, and Tonks was jolted back to reality. The train had stopped, and outside, there were shapes moving. Dark, shadowy figures. And everything was beginning to go cold … far too cold. With a gasp, Tonks realised exactly what was coming on board the train. Dementors! And she had only ever mastered the repelling charm once, and that was a long time ago. But how could she use it now, in front of these three kids? She'd blow her cover for sure! The cabin door slid open, and Tonks felt the Dementor's focus on her. It knew she was more mature than the others. She had no idea how – but it knew.

All thoughts of her cover went out the window: Tonks drew her wand and focussed on a happy memory, but she was damned if she could remember the incantation … expect … expect … come on! she shouted at herself, as she saw Harry fading before her. But now her own memories were overcoming her – as the most powerful witch in the room, the Dementor was focussing its energies on her more than the others. And nothing stood between her and it …

Remus! The thought sprung into her mind out of nowhere.

"Remus!!" she screamed with all the strength she could muster – forget the looks Ron and Hermione were shooting her: Harry was now officially passed out, and she needed help.

"Remus!!!!" Again, nothing.

She cast around her memories, trying to think of something; anything that might get his attention. Curse him for being such a sound sleeper! He used to babysit her with Sirius – they had run around in the garden together, Remus throwing the Frisbee for Sirius in his dog form … dog! He had been a dog, called Padfoot, and Remus was …

"Moony!!"

As she lost all control of her emotions, she vaguely saw a silvery shape leaping in front of her, as a loud, commanding voice said firmly and clearly:

"Expecto Patronum!"

The Dementor disappeared; the silvery mass faded; and everything else went black, as Tonks swooned on the floor of the train.

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**A/N: **I know some of this lacks continuity. Too bad. I made it up. That's why it's fanfiction. If you read it, you must have an opinion. The blue box and I would like to know. Thanks:D


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **Yes, I am still me, and no, I still don't own anything except the whipped cream. Well, half of it, anyway [Belle, we need more, incidentally. Oh, and I'm pretty sure the plot's mine, too ...

**A/N: **What? Chapter one was random? Never! Okay, a tad bit - I warn you, the whole fic is not planned at all, I make it up as I type. It's the only way I ever seem to get any writing done!! Thanks TruthFreedomBeautyLove for reviewing And thanks also to those of you who added it to your Story Alert lists - it makes me smile to know you guys enjoy this :D This chapter, also random, but you'll be happy to know, it includes some actual Remus/Tonks interaction. Which should partly make up for the lack of it in the first one. Wow I do ramble - well, if you read, then THANK YOU:D

**Reviews: **Yes I still like them. Doesn't everyone?

Now, on with the story!!

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"Tonks? Tonks!" A girl's high-pitched voice pierced the fog that had descended over Tonks' mind. She hadn't the faintest clue what had happened, but she was exhausted. She couldn't even seem to open her eyes. She was trapped in her own body, or so it seemed.

"Dora." She knew that voice, although she hadn't heard it for a long time. And he knew nobody got to call her by her first name, even if it was shortened.

"'S Tonks," she murmured softly, and she heard a giggle and a more hearty laugh.

"Come on, then, TONKS," the familiar voice said meaningfully. She could just picture the smirk on his face and the twinkle in his eye as he helped her sit up straight. "Up you get."

"You're a git," she muttered, blinking furiously to get her surroundings into focus.

"Most assuredly so, but I have chocolate." Damn Remus and his infernal obsession with chocolate. Not that she didn't love chocolate – but he knew she did. Damn, he knew her weakness. Still, the promise of something sweet enticed her to open her eyes fully, and the train carriage came into focus. They were moving again.

"What kind?" she asked, stretching and glancing around. Harry also appeared to have woken up, and was munching happily on a large slab of the stuff. And all three teens were staring at her, apparently at a loss for words.

"Honeydukes' finest, of course," Remus smiled, handing her a chunk. "It's not poisoned or anything, don't worry. And no bulbadox powder, either."

"Let me rephrase – you're STILL a git!" Tonks retorted, grabbing the chocolate – the smell was already getting to her. "And if there is bulbadox on it, I swear, Remus, I'll hex you into next week and think nothing of it. And don't think I'm kidding, either – Kingsley taught me some good ones last year."

"I'm worried." The Professor got to his feet, a smile curling the edges of his mouth. "And incidentally … your natural hair colour really does suit you. I never understood your problem with it, personally."

"What?!?!" Tonks grabbed a fistful of hair and looked at it – brown. Oh, Merlin. When she'd passed out, she'd morphed back into her natural form. Now what was she going to do? No wonder the three teens were staring at her like some sort of freak – they wouldn't have the slightest idea what a Metamorphmagus was.

"Bugger …" was all she said aloud. She buried her face in her hands, and Remus smiled ever so slightly. She shot him her best imitation of the trademark Black family scowl, and was secretly thrilled to see a boyish grin flash across his face.

"Now, I'm just curious," he began mildly, but she could tell by the glint in his eye that he was enjoying every second, "but why on earth were you impersonating a third year? I mean, not that I'm not flattered you tracked me down, but really, Dora …"

"Oh, get over yourself, Moony!" Tonks sat bolt upright and flung the remainder of the chocolate at him. "God, you really are a GIT! How'd you know it was me before I morphed, anyway? You a Legilimens now?"

"How many thirteen-year-olds not only sound like you, but know me as 'Moony'?"

"True. But I'm quite obviously not thirteen."

"I had noticed. But in your determination to make your disguise believable and look nothing like yourself, you succeeded in doing a fine impersonation of your dear cousin. Sorry, second cousin, is it? I do lose track of your relatives – your family is rather large."

"Second cousin. And … do you really think I looked like him?" Tonks felt a blush creep across her face. She hadn't even considered the possibility when morphing, that she might resemble Sirius, or anyone else in her family.

"Not in facial features – you managed to look somewhat more delicate than he ever achieved, despite Severus' numerous attempts to transfigure him," Remus grinned, and Tonks giggled. God, was he flirting with her? "But the shape of your jaw, the stubborn set of it, certainly … and the eyes. Your eyes were just like his. Are, just like his."

"They're my real eyes," Tonks confessed shyly. "And … thank you. Now, how about you – Mr-I-Know-Everything – help me find a way to explain to Kingsley and Scrimgeour that I blew my cover two hours in?"

"Ah, that explains it!" Remus stood up quite abruptly, heading for the door. "I wondered if Scrimgeour was behind it – you're an Auror now, then?"

"Yeah, only just qualified recently," she said, a hint of pride in her voice. She loved being able to tell people that she, clumsy-as-a-giant Nymphadora Tonks – although she generally missed out the Nymphadora – had made it as an Auror. It was the one thing she could really hold her head up and be proud of in life.

"I'm impressed, Dora," he said, a smile still playing on his lips. "But you still haven't eaten your chocolate. It helps, really. Now, I'm afraid I'm going to leave you to think of something to tell Kingsley and Scrimgeour yourself – I need to have a little word with the driver, if you'll excuse me. I don't expect I shall be long."

"It's Tonks!" she called after him, and she was sure she heard a chuckle as the carriage door banged shut behind him. She laughed to herself and took a large bite of chocolate – sure enough, she felt warmth spreading through her body. It really did help. Brilliant. Not only was he a git, he was an all-knowing git. Just perfect.

"So who exactly are you?" Hermione asked pointedly, bringing Tonks sharply back to reality. What was she even doing? Wandering off into Remus-dreamland – bad, bad Tonks! He was a suspected accomplice, for Merlin's sake! This was wrong – very, very wrong.

"Uh, I'm Tonks, like I said," she said slowly. "I mean, I'm kind of older than you thought I was, I know … the truth is, I'm an Auror. The Ministry of Magic sent me undercover here to … well, to protect you, Harry." The boy in question merely raised his eyebrows. "What with Sirius Black on the loose, they figured you – and the other students – could use the extra protection. And I was the only one really equipped for the job."

"You can spare me," Harry said dryly. "I already know Black's after me. Because he reckons if he kills me, he'll bring Voldemort back or something. I know all this already."

"I knew you were a sharp kid, but nobody told me you were a mind-reader," Tonks grinned. "Might have bloody warned me."

"Mr Weasley told me," Harry confessed. "But – you won't say anything, will you? He might get in trouble for letting it slip … and I'm glad he did, so what's the harm? At least now I know the truth … you won't tell, right?"

"Arthur Weasley?" Tonks asked, basically ignoring most of what Harry said. "From the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts department? Oh – is he your dad?!"

"Uh, yeah …" Ron seemed a little startled. Not that Tonks could blame him. Her over-enthusiasm must seem rather worrying.

"Oh, wow!" she grinned. "I went to school with your brothers! Charlie was in my year – he still off chasing dragons in Romania?"

"Yeah …" Poor kid. He was clearly not ready for a pink-haired punk Auror to be talking about his equally wacky older brother. But then with a shock, Tonks remembered – her hair was still brown! Horribly, disgusting, boring, mousy brown. She let out a little squeal of dismay, and scrunched up her face. A moment later, the teens' gasps of shock let her know her morphing had worked, and she opened her mouth and grinned.

"How did you do that?" Harry asked, looking stunned and impressed. Ron was staring at her rather like she was a goldfish; and Hermione's eyes were roughly the size of dinner plates.

"Oh my gosh!" she gasped breathily. "Are you a Metamorphmagus?!"

What in the name of Merlin? How did this thirteen-year-old witch know what a Metamorphmagus was, never mind recognise the manner of morphing? Tonks raised an eyebrow at the girl, who smiled but continued to look amazed. She grinned back, deciding Hermione was just interested. Most people thought she was a freak, so this was a refreshing change for her.

"Yeah, I am," she said. "That's why I was the only one who could take this assignment. But on the bright side, at least you'll get a few laughs out of me!"

"How's that, then?" Ron asked, looking thoroughly amused by this point.

"Oh, I'm dead clumsy, me," Tonks laughed. "Honestly – it really isn't all that funny, but people always laugh. I'm forever falling over stuff – and if there's nothing around to fall over I tend to trip over my own feet. It's dead embarrassing."

"It's rather entertaining," said an amused-voice, and Tonks did her best to scowl.

"Shut up, Moony," she growled, and he laughed. "It's really not as funny as you all made it out to be, you know – you and your bloody bullying mates!"

"Excuse me?" Remus pretended to be affronted as he took his seat. "I don't think we were ever 'bullies,' as such. Or at least, I wasn't. I concede, perhaps your cousin was a source of torment, but I assure you, it was more because you were his cousin than for any other reason." Tonks just rolled her eyes.

"No wonder you're a professor," she muttered, and the others laughed.

When the train ground to a halt, Tonks had to struggle to keep up with the three teens on the platform; and she lost Remus in the crowd. She tried to convince herself she wasn't disappointed … but then, why was she so thrilled when he found her again?

"Forget something?" he muttered in her ear, causing her to jump about a mile in the air.

"Merlin, Remus! Don't DO that!" she gasped, turning to face him, and finding him holding out her cloak. She flushed. "Oh … thank you," she said shyly, enlarging it and slipping it over her shoulders. It was chillier than she had expected.

"Not a problem," he said, smiling warmly. "Now, I do believe you've been abandoned."

"What?" Tonks turned to see one of the carriages pulling away with Harry, Ron, Hermione, and a red-haired girl who looked a lot like Ron, in the back of it. She narrowed her eyes after them, but none of them seemed to notice her.

"Bugger," she muttered, and a loud laugh caused her to jump again. She had almost forgotten he was there. What was wrong with her, anyway, cursing in front of a professor, whom she just happened to find somewhat attractive? Wait – Remus, attractive? She shouldn't be thinking those things. She must be more tired than she realised.

"Well, while the carriage rides may be comfortable," Remus joked – causing Tonks to make a face – "personally, I much prefer to Apparate from here to the gates. Can I help you with your trunk at all, Dora?"

"My. Name. Is. Tonks." She spoke very slowly and clearly, with her eyes closed in an attempt to remain calm. He just laughed merrily – she didn't remember him ever laughing this much. He had always been the serious one, she thought.

"Old habits die hard," he said apologetically, but the smirk on his face told her quite clearly that he wasn't remotely sorry. "So do you think you can manage to Apparate?"

"I'm an Auror, Remus, I'm not a bloody child!" she snapped. She felt guilty the moment the words had left her lips – why was she behaving so childishly, then?

"I only meant, because you suffered a shock on the train," he said softly, and her heart melted. What a gentleman – probably about the only one left in the world, come to that! After her outburst, she expected him to walk away and leave her to stew, but he did nothing of the sort. He simply reached out and prised her fingers from around the handle of her trunk, pulling it closer to him instead. She glanced up at him unsurely, and he smiled faintly as he offered her his arm.

"May I?" he said gallantly, and Tonks found herself giggling again. She NEVER giggled! She took his arm shyly, feeling a pink tings threaten to creep over her cheeks.

"Thank you, Remus," she said, smiling, and she was sure she caught a flash of a grin on his face before he Apparated them both up to the castle gates.

Because of the protective enchantments surrounding the castle, Tonks found herself sharing a moonlit stroll through the Hogwarts grounds with her childhood crush. This was a moment she had dreamed about as a child, and she was ashamed to admit, it gave her butterflies in her stomach when he insisted on taking her trunk for her. Fair enough, he levitated it up the hill in front of him, but had it been her, she would have dragged it and looked like a damn fool. And he was sweet to offer.

"I'd forgotten how beautiful this place was …" Tonks didn't even realise she had spoken aloud until she felt Remus' gaze upon her. She turned and met his eyes, and they shared a smile – a smile that showed he understood her.

"Quite," he agreed quietly. As he glanced over the grounds towards Hogsmeade, she thought she saw a flicker of anger cross his face, but then decided she must have imagined it, as it was gone as quickly as it had come. "Yes, I did miss coming here," Remus admitted shamelessly. "Those were the best days of my life."

"What, not when you were old enough to go out drinking and on the pull?" she teased him, and as soon as she'd said it, she gave herself a mental slap to the back of the head. But Remus merely laughed.

"I was never one for going 'on the pull,'" he informed her, but he was smiling. "That was always Sirius' territory, I'm afraid. James, to a certain extent – but then again, by the time we left school, he and Lily were as good as already married …" He smiled reminiscently. "And we were barely out of school when the war began, of course," he finished quietly. Once again, Tonks could have smacked herself in the head.

"I'm sorry, Remus," she said softly. And she meant it, too. "I can't imagine what it must have been like for you. Losing Lily and James the way you did – Peter dying; Sirius being arrested; all in one night … and … Sirius told me, you'd lost your parents not long before, too." Was this overstepping the mark? "It must have been hell for you."

"I don't pretend it was easy," he said slowly. "But I think I rather went into denial about it for a while. Pathetic, I know, but … losing so much, so quickly … one never is prepared for it. And by the time I had accepted it, I think so much time had passed, that my grieving process had gone on during my period of denial without my ever realising it. Not to sound like a martyr, or any such like thing, but I just … went through the motions. It's all something of a blur, to be perfectly honest. Many full moons came and went, is all I can tell you for definite about that time of my life."

Tonks glanced up at him, a tad lost now. She had heard the expression 'many moons' before – it was an old-fashioned Muggle saying: Native American, she believed. But why refer to full moons? And why would Remus remember that of all things?

"Oh, bollocks!!" She clapped a hand over her mouth, and in her shock, she tripped – as she had told the kids earlier she was inclined to do – over her own feet. Her hands shot out instinctively, braced to protect her from the ground, but a strong pair of arms grabbed her around the waist, and a moment later she was restored to her original position. Except now, she was mere inches away from Remus, and his arms were still around her. She looked up into his eyes, extremely conscious of the fact that he hadn't let go of her yet.

"Good reflexes," Tonks said softly. He smiled down at her for an awkward moment, and then he cleared his throat quite suddenly, and let go of her, seeming uncomfortable.

"Comes with the territory," he replied quietly. She closed her eyes and mentally cursed herself – why hadn't she remembered sooner?! "Incidentally," he said, a tad louder, "what was it you screamed out about? You shouted before you tripped … over nothing."

"Over my FEET!" she retorted, and was relieved to see him grinning. "And it's really not that funny, anyway …"

"It rather is."

"Oh, shut up," she laughed. "No, I just, I … well, um … Merlin, this is embarrassing … I shouted out because, it only just hit me, why you referred to periods of time as a number of full moons," she finished in what she hoped was a sensitive tone. His face paled ever so slightly, and he glanced up at the waning moon.

"You didn't know?" he asked, avoiding her gaze.

"I did," she confessed. "I … well, to be honest, I'd forgotten." She felt sick to her stomach even saying it – this was a major part of his life, and it must sound like it was nothing to her. And she did care about him, suffering. She felt sorry for him, although she'd never admit as much. She knew he wouldn't appreciate her pity.

"You forgot?" He turned to look at her, and there was no anger in his gaze. He seemed surprised, and … she guessed, he seemed almost hopeful, too. She nodded silently, and a small smile graced his face. "Thank you, Dora," he said, almost inaudibly. "The wider wizarding community judges me by the fact that I'm a werewolf. They see that as all I am – a wolf first and a man second. You somehow managed to forget the wolf. That doesn't happen a lot … I appreciate it."

Tonks didn't know what to say to that. She joined him in watching the moon for a few moments – it might have been full a week ago, but no more. He looked good, considering … but as time dragged on, and the silence between them became a little uncomfortable, she felt the need to say something. Anything.

"It's Tonks," she muttered, and he let out a great rumbling laugh. He then looked her straight in the eyes, and much to her relief, his own were twinkling again.

"I still don't know why you hate your name," he grinned. "Dora."

"Moony!" she moaned aloud, half-laughing. "Stop it! You know I don't like that – it was all just yet another way for Sirius to get under my skin!"

"And while we're on that subject – don't call me Moony," Remus said, grinning. "It rather makes me look like a fool in front of my students."

"And what would you do if I kept calling you Moony?" she teased him. Merlin, she had to stop this! She was flirting with him without even meaning to do it! He'd probably think she was a stupid girl with a crush – or worse, just flat-out reject her.

"Call you _Nymphadora_." A smirk was playing around the edges of his mouth. Was he actually flirting back?

"You wouldn't."

"Try me."

"Okay, okay, umm … so, can I call you Remus, then?"

"Absolutely … Dora."

"What if I call you Professor Lupin? Or Professor, or just Lupin, or Sir?" Tonks guessed wildly, trying to conceal her grin.

"I might call you Tonks."

"Excellent … Lupin."

"We're nearly a the castle, Dora."

"I thought you said you would call me Tonks?!?!"

"I said I might."

"So what happened?"

"I decided not to … Dora."

"Remus?"

"Yes?"

"You're a git."

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**A/N: **I do apologise - it may be slightly out of character, I don't know, because I don't know how the characters think. If I did, I'd be JKR ... -sigh- If only. But it was just some random banter that popped into my head, and I thought you might enjoy it. Did you? Or didn't you? Let me know:D

Thanks,

Alli xoxo


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** You know the drill. JKR owns them, I just like to borrow them, play some games, have my sick way with them in the broom cupboard … but I return them virtually unharmed. 

**A/N:** Thanks loads to all my reviewers!! giftedfred, thanks for encouraging me – the OOC-ness was something I tried to fix in this chapter, not sure if it worked lol! Farah, eeee! So stoked you like it :D –hugs- And thanks so much to MissMcSteamy, ladirambaldi and my anonymous reviewer for your kind words :D

This is another of those chapters that I really don't know how I came up with most of the ideas for lol! Like everything I write, it all gets made up on the spot, and I just hope for the best, so … yeah! Here's hoping you guys like :)

**Reviews: **Well, I don't like to bully, and I'm not resorting to bribery just yet :P But they're always appreciated! Most of you readers are probably writers yourselves – you know how it feels :)

Now, enough of my ranting about nothing lol! Here's chapter 3 :D

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"Ah, good evening, Remus!" Tonks glanced up, surprised to find they had reached the castle already, and saw Professor McGonnagall at the top of the main stairs, her features arranged in a most uncharacteristic smile – at least, that was Tonks' experience. However Remus smiled warmly and moved forward, kissing the woman on the cheek.

"Minerva," he said, sounding pleased. "I see even with the walk we had, we still managed to beat the carriages to the doors?"

"So it would seem," sniffed the normally uptight Professor, but with a glint in her eye that was completely unfamiliar to Tonks. She had never seen McGonnagall so … happy. "You know, I was particularly pleased when Albus informed me you had been appointed to the post this year, Remus. A tremendous improvement from last year."

"Despite the fact that a step up from Gilderoy Lockhart means as good as nothing, I shall choose to take that as a compliment," Remus joked, and McGonnagall actually _laughed_. "And I can't begin to imagine why you would want me back. The last time I was within Hogwarts grounds for any length of time, I managed to help create something I think havoc fails spectacularly to cover."

"And I suspect it would do the Weasley twins some good to know you would have given them a run for their money! And just between us, I really don't think Albus could have chosen a candidate more likely to irritate Severus if he'd tried his very hardest – which, incidentally, I most certainly would have, in his position."

Remus let out a great, hearty laugh, and it occurred to Tonks that this must be how the grown-ups at Hogwarts always interacted. When she had been a student, she had never wondered what they talked about; she was too busy enjoying herself. But seeing McGonnagall in this light made her feel somehow more at ease – after all, she was one of the adults of Hogwarts castle, now, too.

"Ms Tonks!" Professor McGonnagall turned to her with a welcoming smile. "How lovely to see you back at Hogwarts, dear. I see your disguise has gone somewhat out the window?"

"Away with the Dementors is more like it," Tonks muttered before she could stop herself. Remus chuckled appreciatively, whereas McGonnagall looked scandalised.

"What – the Dementors?" she asked, flabbergasted. "Oh, now Remus, you said in your owl that Potter had taken ill – you never mentioned it was the Dementors! They were on the train?! Albus will be furious!"

"I got the feeling Harry was rather embarrassed about the whole thing," Remus said, sounding rather grim. "I thought perhaps not to draw attention to the cause would be the best idea. The boy certainly has enough to worry about this year."

"Yes …" McGonnagall looked something similar to upset, but Tonks assumed it was merely concerned. She didn't like to think of Minerva McGonnagall as emotional. "It certainly is a terrible thing. As if he hasn't had enough to deal with in his short life! Now this! Oh – oh, I am terribly sorry, Remus, I didn't mean – that is, I know you were friends –"

"We were," Remus repeated quietly. "That was … a very long time ago, now. Seems a lifetime has passed, at least for me. If you had told me when I was seventeen that one of my best friends would turn out to be … what he is, I most certainly wouldn't have believed it. But then, Sirius always was the most unpredictable of our group. Anyway, I have no doubt that between Albus' own presence, the Dementors, the extra security – and of course, the added protection of Dora here –" he bowed slightly, " – that Harry and the other students will be perfectly safe."

"Don't give me more credit than I deserve," Tonks murmured, looking at her feet. She now felt thoroughly ashamed of herself – here she was, assigned to protect Harry and the other students, a trained Auror; and she had blown her cover and fallen prey to a Dark Creature within the first hours of her task. Some protector she was.

"Don't be silly, dear!" Minerva cut into her thoughts sharply. "They haven't accepted anybody into the Auror training programme since your year – quite an achievement! And you know I'd deny it in front of a crowd, but I happened to enjoy having you in my NEWT classes. You had a great aptitude for Transfiguration, you know."

"As if I worked very hard!" Tonks was more depressed than ever – she was born a bloody Metamorphmagus. It wasn't a talent, it was sheer dumb luck!

"There is far more to NEWT level Transfiguration than human transformations," McGonnagall said, with slight disapproval in her tone. "Now, I must go see to Mr Potter and Miss Granger – Remus, Ms Tonks, I'll see you at the feast? Albus would like for you to sit at the staff table, Ms Tonks, at least for tonight. No arguments. I'll see you both inside."

And with that, she walked away. Tonks stared after her, mouth hanging ever so slightly open, and Remus let out another amused chuckle. He then wordlessly sent her trunk floating upstairs, around the corner and out of sight.

"It knows where to go," he assured her seriously, earning him a giggle and a smile. He also smiled faintly, as they began making their way together towards the Great Hall for the feast. She couldn't explain it, but being near him helped her feel reassured. "Well, at least it got you to smile," he pointed out. "Is everything all right? You seem quiet – and I mean actually quiet, not just quiet for you."

"Stop it!" she laughed, unable to stop herself. He grinned boyishly, and she sighed, unable to wipe the grin from her face. "You're not funny, Lupin," she teased him, to no avail. He continued to watch her expectantly. "I just … I'm an Auror. And you were praising me and saying I'd help keep Harry safe, and all – but look at me! I've got bloody ridiculous pink hair; I can't walk three feet without tripping over something, including **myself**; and the first time I come across a Dementor around the kid I'm 'protecting,' I pass out! Some help I'll be if Sirius ever does come after him." She scuffed her toes off the ground miserably.

"I remember," Remus said slowly, after a moment's pause, "when James was about sixteen, he considered becoming an Auror. Albus introduced him to Alastor – Mad-Eye Moody, that is, to most people – and James asked him about what kinds of creatures Aurors have to deal with. Alastor told him, Dark Wizards. Of course James, being James, wasn't content to let it go at that, and pressed him about Dark Creatures – before bringing up the subject of Dementors. Apparently James was worried about carting off those he had arrested to Azkaban and having to face the things. And Alastor's exact words to him were: 'Son, Aurors just make the arrests. We have assistants to do that for us. Don't you go getting yourself worked up over the Dementors –'"

"'- because they'll never be your problem.' Classic Mad-Eye," Tonks murmured, and Remus shot her a reassuring smile, before she realised what he'd done. "Oh! Oh, yes, very clever, Remus," she laughed. "But just because I'd never encountered one before, doesn't excuse me. I was taught how to produce a Patronus during my training, and I let it slip. The situation should never have gotten out of my control – I mean, what would've happened if you hadn't been there?!"

"But I was there." Remus stopped her right outside the door to the Great Hall, looking into her eyes with concern shining in his own. "If there's one thing I learnt from my experience in the war, Dora, it was that you shouldn't waste your life away on 'what-ifs.' Life is very unpredictable, and things just … they just happen. We can't spend forever going over the past, berating ourselves for what we could have done, because we didn't do it. No amount of wondering will change that – all it will do, is drive you mad. Trust me, when I tell you this, at least: that nothing can be gained from regret. Nothing you would wish to gain, at any rate. You're far too young to have regrets."

Tonks had a feeling they were no longer talking about the Dementors, but almost that Remus could see through her bubbly façade, and knew the truth about her career. That sometimes she regretted becoming an Auror – she always felt she had to prove herself over and over; she would never be accepted on her own merits, because everyone thought she had only been accepted into the Auror training programme because she was a Metamorphmagus. Sometimes, she wondered whether she had made a mistake in thinking she could measure up to the likes of Mad-Eye Moody and Kingsley Shacklebolt. And it seemed, in that moment, that Remus understood her concerns; her constant nagging doubts at the back of her mind; and sought to allay her fears, never once making her feel like so many did – like she was stupid, or like she was too naïve to understand. He respected her, gave her advice as someone more experienced, without ever being patronising. It was something she wasn't sure she'd ever seen in a man before.

"I, uh …" She struggled to find the right words. "Thank you," she said finally, looking up into his eyes, hoping her face wasn't quite as pink as her hair yet. "I know you're right, I do, and I really appreciate your confidence in me. Not a lot of people think I can do anything right – I can understand why, being so clumsy and all …"

"Don't worry about it," Remus said softly, once again stopping her from making a fool of herself and rambling on about nothing. "Now, shall we?" He reached out and opened the great wooden door, holding it open for her. Tonks smiled.

"Thank you," she said, grinning, and walked through, trying her best to ooze confidence. It proved rather difficult, however, when she saw the shocked looks on the faces of most of the staff. She glanced behind her nervously, and Remus winked almost imperceptibly.

"Ah, Remus, Nymphadora!" Albus Dumbledore stood up, smiling broadly, arms outstretched. Tonks' heart did back flips – she had always secretly been a bit scared of the Headmaster. "So glad to see you both! Or – my apologies, is it 'Tonks' these days?" A twinkling pair of blue eyes and a reassuring smile were enough to set her mind at rest. The Headmaster wasn't as frightening as legend had led her to believe.

"It's always been Tonks, sir," she replied, and she heard a badly disguised snort of laughter behind her. "I mean, that is, I, uh …" She felt her cheeks going distinctly red, and saw a mocking sneer curl over the lips of one Severus Snape – not only her most hated Professor at school, but also the one who had gone out of his way to make it difficult for her to become an Auror.

"Something amusing you, Severus?" The smirk vanished and was replaced almost instantly with a look of deepest loathing – Tonks even thought it closely resembled hate. Remus had stepped forward to her side, and the two men were eyeing each other with apparently mutual distaste. Snape shot a furious look towards Dumbledore.

"Well." The Potions master appeared to be at a loss for words. Good, Tonks thought scathingly. Slimy git. "I wasn't aware you were coming for a visit, Lupin …"

"Oh, no, Severus, it must have slipped my mind to inform you – Remus has ever-so-kindly agreed to fill the post of Defence Against The Dark Arts Professor this year." Dumbledore fixed Snape with a warning look that would have made Tonks recoil. "At least now you'll have someone to … reminisce, with, won't you?"

"I look forward to it," Snape said, in a silky tone that suggested he would like nothing less than to reminisce with Remus. "Looking a bit peaky, Lupin. Full moon approaching?"

Tonks' hand strayed instantly towards her wand, almost subconsciously – not just because she wanted to defend Remus (although she did) – but also because she had wanted to jinx Severus Snape since her first day at Hogwarts. Remus, however, subtly gripped her arm in a restraining manner, and smiled faintly.

"Next week, as a matter of fact," he replied pleasantly. "I'm flattered you took the trouble to remember, Severus. Now, Dora, if you'll allow me …"

He pulled out a chair for her, smiling into her eyes, and she felt the sudden inexplicable urge to hug him then and there. The look on Snape's face was absolutely priceless! How was it he could be so calm? She'd heard of killing your enemies with kindness, but this really did pass the realms of normality, as far as she was concerned. However, she sat down, blushing slightly as she did so, and Remus took the chair next to her, striking up a conversation with Professor Sprout on his other side.

Tonks suddenly felt a rush of guilt when she saw Harry and Hermione enter with Professor McGonnagall, a little while after the first years had been led to their Sorting – by Hagrid, for a change.

"Bugger!" she hissed, so quietly that only Remus seemed to hear. He grinned boyishly and leant closer to her, his goblet still raised towards his lips, for he had been about to take a drink when she had spoken.

"Do I want to know?" he murmured in her ear, sending tingles down her spine.

"I was sort of, you know, meant to be keeping an eye on Harry!" she reminded him in an undertone, but an agitated one nonetheless. "Bloody hell – I should have waited for him coming out of the carriages; I should've waited for McGonnagall to finish talking to him – _I_ should have been the one to owl ahead when he was ill! And I should most certainly be sitting with _him_ right now, apologising for being such a crappy bodyguard!"

"Hey … !" Much to her surprise, Remus appeared to be fighting back a laugh. "Don't beat yourself up over something so small – Harry was in the carriages, under magical enchantments; then with Minerva; right up until now. He was perfectly safe. And personally, I expect he's grateful you're not tailing him twenty-four-seven." His tone was mild, but Tonks knew exactly what he was getting at. Teenaged boys, no matter how much danger they may be in, did not appreciate having twenty-six-year-old Aurors with mad hair and bad balance following them around, eavesdropping on their every word. She allowed herself some small relief at the thought.

"You're probably right," she agreed, before heartily tucking into her pheasant in a wine sauce of some sort. She hadn't realised how hungry she was. Nevertheless, all through the meal, she kept one watchful eye on Harry, and the other … well, it developed an odd habit of flickering towards Remus every now and then – a habit she was determined was completely irrational, and she had in no way wished for. She dutifully sat down her cutlery and forced her attention onto Dumbledore as he stood up to make his usual speech. After welcoming the students, dishing out reminders about magic in the corridors, and just generally chatting away as he tended to do, Dumbledore turned towards the head table.

"And now, to another important matter," he said, although he was smiling. "This year, I am delighted to announce, that Care Of Magical Creatures will be taught by none other than our own Rubeus Hagrid!" There was an outbreak of applause, and Tonks joined in gleefully. She had always liked Hagrid. "Yes, yes, good luck, Hagrid," the Headmaster smiled. "I'd also like to extend a warm welcome to Professor Lupin, who has kindly agreed to fill the post of Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher!"

There was another round of applause, which Tonks once again joined in with enthusiastically. Remus smiled and nodded his head in acknowledgement, and Tonks was pleased to see Harry, Ron and Hermione in particular clapping extra loudly.

"And finally," Dumbledore said loudly, in order to draw everyone's attention back to his announcements, "I would also like to welcome to our team here, a bright young witch, here to help safeguard the castle – and more importantly, our students – against the threat of Sirius Black." Oh, no. He wouldn't. "Please join me in welcoming our new resident Auror, Ms Tonks!"

He did. Tonks flushed bright red, and then even more so when she saw the delighted look on Snape's face at her embarrassment. She wondered whether she could hex him from here without Remus or Dumbledore realising …

"It could have been worse," Remus said with an almost wolfish grin, leaning in very close to her. "He could have introduced you as Nymphadora, after all."

"You're right, I feel much less embarrassed now," she retorted sarcastically, stretching back in her seat as the dirty dishes vanished. She managed to resist all impulses to begin another minor flirtation with him, like the one they had shared in the grounds earlier, and instead turned back to face Dumbledore, who had given some sort of warning to his students about not aggravating the Dementors. Yeah, no kidding.

"Now off to bed we go!" Dumbledore said cheerfully. "Although I doubt most of you will enjoy many hours of sleep – I'm sure you have plenty of catching up to do. Do try and keep it down and allow your Heads of House some rest, won't you? Goodnight." As the usual deafening scraping and chattering ensued, Tonks tried to keep an eye out for Harry, and was unsurprised to discover she had failed miserably. She looked around her uncertainly, and Remus was still watching her, looking mildly amused.

"I don't know where I'm sleeping," she confessed grumpily. Remus wasn't the only one who heard her, however, and the Headmaster turned to face her, smiling serenely.

"Ah, yes, Tonks," he said pleasantly. "I had arranged for you to sleep in the third year Gryffindor girls' dormitories, in order that you would be closer to Harry and his friends. However, if you would prefer for me to arrange alternative lodgings, now that the circumstances have changed …"

"No!" In her eagerness to prevent Dumbledore form having to rearrange things because of her stupid mistake, she took a step forward, and collided with her chair. A familiar throbbing sensation pulsed through her shin, but she ignored it. "I mean, uh, there's no need – it'll be like a sleepover," she said jokingly. "I'm fine with that arrangement."

"Very well. Professor McGonnagall and I have some security issues to discuss – I wonder, Remus, would you mind escorting Ms Tonks to the Gryffindor common room? I don't believe she knows her way, given her many years' experience as a Hufflepuff." _House whore,_ a little voice murmured, but Tonks ignored it. "I assume you remember where you're going, after all. You won't need a password – just tap the top left corner of the portrait three times and use _Alohamora_."

"Certainly, sir," Remus said with a slight smile. He moved Tonks' chair out of her path and they left the Great Hall together, and she could feel Snape's eyes on them the whole way out of the door. She was suddenly very conscious of her hair being pink.

"D'you think I should've made my hair black or blonde or … I dunno, some other more acceptable colour?" she asked nervously, following Remus up the first flight of stairs they came to. He glanced over his shoulder at her and shot her a grin.

"Why on earth would you have done that?" he asked teasingly … or was this him flirting with her again? No! Bad, bad Tonks – she was only imagining the whole flirting thing, anyway. He was far too sophisticated to be interested in her. But, did she even want him to be interested in her? "After all, you wear it so well." Maybe she did want him to be interested … "Besides, I fully suspect I shall see you in a different disguise every day, so why not get them used to the Wacky World of Dora right from the off?"

"Are you making fun of me?" she asked uncertainly, cocking her head to the side. He had stopped alongside a portrait of a somewhat overweight woman wearing a pink frilly dress, and she followed suit, stopping just beside him and turning to look at him. Much to her delight, his brows were furrowed thoughtfully.

"No, not at all," he said, so sincerely it was almost enough to make her blush. "I happen to think your hair looks lovely – then again I am rather biased, being a fan of pink myself." She laughed loudly, feeling free to do so now she was in no doubt that he meant what he had said. It was sweet.

"Well, we have a lot in common, Remus Lupin," she said, almost to herself. His face broke into a smile, and he tapped the top left hand corner of the portrait of the Fat Lady, and she could only presume he had said the incantation in his head, as it swung aside.

"So it would seem," he replied softly, still smiling. "You'll find your way from here no problem, I expect – across the common room to the stairs, and up to your left. The dormitories are marked, so it should be easy enough to find the third years'."

"Thank you," Tonks said, flashing him a grin. "Really – you've been very accommodating of a very clumsy, very nervous Auror, and I appreciate it. It's good to know I've got a friend somewhere inside the walls, at any rate." Was she imagining it, or was there a faint blush creeping over Remus' cheeks now? "So I guess I'll see you at breakfast?"

"Yes," he said, and she thought she must have imagined the pinkness, as his skin was back to its pallid grey. "Goodnight."

He leant forward and kissed Tonks on the cheek slowly, and all the blood rushed straight to her head. How could this shabby, only moderately attractive, old-fashioned, eight-years-her-senior, friend of her second cousin's have such an effect on her? Sure, he was funny, and he appreciated her sense of humour in return – and nobody could argue he wasn't easy to talk to … but there was no reason for any of that to cause such a sensation within her. Perhaps he knew the impact he'd had, as he pulled away rather quickly, smiling sheepishly.

"Goodnight, Dora," he said. She smiled, turning and hurrying into the Gryffindor common room before he could see her flaming cheeks.

"Dora!" Against her will, she turned back to face him. "How's your shin?" She picked up a cushion from the nearest armchair and flung it at him, and he chortled as it landed just shy of the portrait hole. He tipped her a wink and walked away.

"Night, Remus …" she answered quietly.

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**A/N:** Now you know why the out-of-character-ness might not have stopped exactly!! But the muses took me in this direction, and I follow them blindly [last time I tried to fight back I wound up pretty much chained to the computer writing a 20,000 word chapter for another fic. This way is much safer! Anyway, thanks to everyone who got this far – I love all my readers, it's because of you I keep writing :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** What broom cupboard? …… Oh, uh, never mind :D Yeah, JKR owns everything you see here, except the stuff that doesn't make sense :D 

**A/N: **Farah, you're insane :P But thanks for reviewing :D And thanks to all y'all who added my story to your Alerts list – it means a lot :) This one was kind of half-written at 3am so if the start is a bit off, that;s why. I did try and read over it and edit all the random SPAG errors and made up words, though, so fingers crossed!!

Enjoy :D

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"Oh! Good morning!"

"Wanna bet?" Tonks muttered darkly, sitting up in the four-poster bed grumpily. She'd not had such a short sleep since her own days at Hogwarts, and it irritated her. Sleep-deprived Tonks was generally to be equated with Moody Tonks. She glanced up blearily, and saw Hermione Granger sitting on the next bed, watching her interestedly. The dorm only appeared to have four occupants including Tonks, and the other two were still sound asleep, as all three teens had been when she had collapsed in bed the previous night.

"Nobody told us you were going to be sleeping here," Hermione informed her. She was sitting cross-legged on her bed surrounded by what looked like textbooks. Tonks fought the urge to roll her eyes, instead sitting up in bed and morphing her hair into a shade of bright turquoise. It tended to morph back to brown in her sleep.

"Nobody told me either," she shrugged. "I guess it made sense though, 'cause I was meant to be a third year, before … well, the Dementors." She shuddered at the mere memory. "What are you reading?"

"Re-reading," Hermione corrected her, but with a smile. "_Hogwarts: A History._ I re-read it before classes start every term, so I can keep myself refreshed. Of course, you probably know it much better than I do, having already been here seven whole years. What are OWL's like, anyway – are they as hard as people say? And to become an Auror, did you have to do NEWT level Potions?" Tonks blinked at the girl. Thirteen? Seriously??

"Uh …" She shook herself, clambering out of bed and absently _Summoning_ some clothes from her trunk. "I don't think I ever read it, to be honest." Ignoring Hermione's stunned gasp, she frowned at her trunk. One of her potion ingredients had spilled everywhere. "Scourgify!" she said clearly, and for once, to her delight, the spell actually worked. "OWL's? I don't really remember them – not as hard as NEWT's, at any rate! And yeah, I had to do NEWT Potions – hated every minute, mind. Snape always hated the fact that I could actually do the stuff he set us. I was always shocked I didn't break every potion bottle in the place – I think I was too scared he might murder me," she chuckled.

"What was that spell?" Hermione demanded, although her expression clearly showed she had taken in every word Tonks had said, and probably memorised it. "To get your clothes from your trunk. How did you do it? I didn't hear the incantation."

"It was just an _Accio_," Tonks said, pointing her wand at herself to freshen up. She would shower after breakfast. "A Summoning Charm. Wordless," she added, as Hermione's eyes were narrowed. "You learn silent spells in sixth year, ish. It's pretty easy, once you get the hang of them. Useful in duels, too, as long as your opponent isn't an Occlumens."

"What's an Occlumens?" This girl asked too many questions for this time of the morning.

"Uh, it's hard to explain – you'd find it in a book pretty easily, though." Hermione's eyes lit up at the prospect. Tonks pulled on a bright orange Weird Sisters t-shirt and her favourite jeans, rather glad not to have to wear Hogwarts robes any more. "So, are you going to breakfast or not?" she asked.

"Oh, of course," said the teenager primly, getting to her feet. "But I have to meet Harry and Ron in the common room, and there's no point rushing. They're always late for breakfast – they seem to enjoy their beds a little too much."

Tonks spent the next ten minutes lounging in the common room, trying to suppress the desire to snigger every time she replayed Hermione's comment about the boys and their beds. If the girl weren't thirteen, she might have shared, but that was crossing a line even she could see. Clearly, the other students had no such problem crossing lines.

"Hey, you're that Auror!" One of the red-haired twins from the train station the previous day plopped into an armchair opposite Tonks, staring avidly at her, and his brother leant on the back of his chair, with no less of a gleam in his eye. Tonks smiled unsurely.

"Yeah," she said, giving them both the eyeball. "Tonks. What of it?" They merely laughed simultaneously, still watching her.

"I'm Fred."

"And I'm George."

"Fred and George Weasley."

"At your service."

"Hang on!" Tonks interrupted them. "You're Weasleys too? Merlin, how many of you are there?" She laughed to herself as she said it, thinking of how Charlie always moaned about having a big family. He hadn't been kidding!

"Well, there's us."

"And Bill."

"Charlie."

"Percy."

"Ron."

"And Ginny."

"One girl?" That must have been who she saw in the carriage with Harry, Ron and Hermione, she thought. "Ouch! So you two are what? Fifth or sixth year? I know you're not seventh, because you're younger than Percy, and he was a fair bit younger than Charlie so I guess he's still at school too."

"How d'you know Charlie?" asked one of them – she thought it was George, but couldn't be sure.

"We were at school together," she said, shrugging. "Hey, look who finally dragged themselves out of bed!" She jumped to her feet, wide-awake now, and shot an eye-roll in the direction of a rather bedraggled-looking Harry and Ron.

"'Lo, Tonks," Ron muttered distractedly. "Hermione – quit – fussing!" The girl let out a loud huff as she flicked little specks of dust from his and Harry's robes.

"You two look like you dressed in the dark!" she admonished them.

"We **did** dress in the dark, Hermione," Harry said, stifling a yawn behind his hand. "See, Seamus and Dean and Neville – and all normal people – are still asleep!" Tonks let out a snort of laughter, and the twins grinned gleefully.

"You sounded like a pig!" they said in unison.

Tonks grinned, and concentrating hard, scrunched up her face. A moment later, her nose had been replaced by a pig's snout, and the twins, not to mention many other kids milling around the common room, were staring at her in utter shock.

"How did you do that?" asked the young redhead from the day before, who Tonks assumed to be Ginny. She smiled cheerily.

"I'm a Metamorphmagus," she explained happily. "It means I can change my appearance at will. Bloody useful in my line of work. S'great fun! Come on, I'm starving!!"

Tonks didn't even think about her latest dilemma until she reached the Great Hall, along with Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Fred, George, and some kid called Lee. She realised with a sickening jolt, as they all slid into seats around her, that she had no idea if she was meant to sit there and keep an eye on Harry, or sit with the staff like last night.

"Good morning." The calm, warm voice in her ear made her jump, and she turned around to see Remus, with an amused lopsided smirk on his face and a twinkle in his eye, watching her. She rolled her eyes but gave in and grinned.

"Morning," she replied finally, not allowing herself to dwell too much on their parting the night before. It didn't really mean anything, anyway – it was just a kiss on the cheek; a friendly gesture; nothing more. "Sleep well?" She cringed internally the moment the words left her lips – did she really just ask him how he _slept_? She was as bad as her mother greeting her sisters on the rare occasions they met, which thankfully were few and far between. Always with the small talk. Thankfully, Remus didn't seem to mind, or if he did he didn't show it, as he smiled pleasantly.

"Very well, thank you," he said. "And you? If I remember correctly, the dormitory beds are relatively comfortable – that being said, it was a very long time ago I last slept in one."

"It was … different to the Hufflepuff ones," Tonks replied coyly, shooting a regretful glance over towards her old dining table. _House whore._ "And the Gryffindor common room isn't as nice. It's all … red, and stuff. Disgusting." She meant to make a sickened face, but wound up sticking out her tongue instead. Remus laughed aloud.

"Come on," he chortled. "Breakfast awaits – Albus sent me to make sure you were going to join us at the staff table again. He says he would never ask an adult to sit amongst the students, for the sake of everybody's sanity." He smiled wryly, and Tonks grinned somewhat sheepishly.

"Uh, okay, sure," she said. "Harry!" He glanced up at her. "Don't leave for class without getting me first, okay? Like it or not, you're going to have to put up with me, kiddo."

"Maybe the best way to get him on side isn't to call him 'kiddo,'" Remus suggested, half-laughing, as they approached their seats at the top table – once again, right beside one another. Coincidence … right? "Allow me, Dora …" And once again, he pulled out her chair for her. He must be the last living gentleman in the entire world – and here he was, looking out for her. She was so lucky …

"Good morning, Tonks," Professor Dumbledore said along the table, smiling at her. "I trust everything went smoothly getting settled in last night?" Smoothly? Better than smoothly, Tonks thought smugly, as she remembered the kiss. No, wait, stop! It was just a friendly kiss. Nothing more or less. Enough fantasising!

"Yeah, everything was great, thank you, sir," was all she said aloud. "Hermione seemed a tad surprised to see me this morning, but other than that, all good."

"Excellent. Thank you again for keeping her right, Remus," the Headmaster said, and Tonks was sure she saw him wink. But that wouldn't make sense at all! "I know I can trust you to take her under your wing until she gets used to … adult life, at Hogwarts."

"Of course, Albus," Remus said, in his annoyingly calm voice. "Not that I'm any sort of an expert myself, but I'll be happy to assist her any way I can."

"Excellent." Dumbledore turned back to his toast and pumpkin juice, looking thoroughly pleased with himself. Tonks suspected she bore a similar expression, as she felt suddenly very pleased – not with herself, but with her current situation. He would _assist her in any way he could_. And she would see to it that he did.

"Dora?" She turned to face Remus, smiling widely. She was finding more and more that she minded less and less when he used that ridiculous nickname for her. Better than _Nymph_, at any rate – something Sirius had called her years ago.

"Yeah?" she finally remembered to respond. He flashed her his lopsided grin again, and she felt an odd sensation in her stomach. This was wrong. This was weird – she had no reason to feel this way around Remus. She had known him since she was a little girl, when he and Sirius and James and Peter had all come visiting and babysitting. So why did she keep having these odd sensations around him?

"Harry's leaving." He pointed towards the doors to the Great Hall, where Harry and Ron had just disappeared, and where Hermione lingered, chatting to Ginny. Tonks gaped after them as they too left the room.

"Bugger!" She made to stand up, but Remus gripped her arm and pulled her back into her seat. She just looked at him questioningly, and he smiled again. Damn, that smile.

"If I could give you some advice …" She nodded for him to go on. He at least seemed to have some clue what was going on in the castle, after all. She did not. "The third years have Defence Against The Dark Arts first period," he informed her. "In about fifteen minutes. The chances are, they're going to get their books. And it will take them all their time to get back to Gryffindor Tower, get their books, and get to class. I think they'll be safe enough until first period, at least."

"I think you just want an excuse for me to walk you to class." The words were out of Tonks' mouth before she could stop herself. She clapped a hand over her mouth, startled, and felt her face heating up. Thankfully, Remus just let out a hearty laugh, before getting to his feet, and offering her his hand to help her up.

"Well well, Dora, it appears you've seen right through me," he grinned, the all-too familiar twinkle in his eye once more. "Humour an old man?" She took his hand and he pulled her to her feet with remarkable ease.

"You're not old, Remus," she said, smirking as she pushed past him. She knew it was rude, but if she met his eye once more, her face was literally going to go up in flames, and that was something she was willing to do anything to avoid. He followed her through the door and they made their way towards his classroom. "You're the same age as Sirius, and he was my favourite cousin."

"Yes, your favourite _older_cousin," he pointed out. She could tell he was smiling too, just by the tone of his voice. "Besides, I'm old beyond my years." Suddenly, it didn't sound like he was smiling any more. She stopped walking and turned towards him, causing him to come to an abrupt halt. She toppled forwards, and he grabbed her quickly around the waist to stop her bringing them both to the ground.

Tonks looked up into his eyes, feeling her throat close up and a flush creeping over her face. Why didn't she just morph her skin pink these days and be done with it? It would save her a whole lot of embarrassment.

"See?" she said quietly. "You're not old. No old man would have been able to catch me like that. You're still in pretty good shape, if you ask me." His eyes met hers, and they seemed to be boring into her. Merlin, this was intense like nothing she'd ever known.

"You think so?" he asked her, and his voice was surprisingly husky. She could have sworn he leant ever so slightly closer to her.

"I do," she managed to croak. "So don't you go running yourself down all the time, Remus Lupin. You're not old, and you don't deserve to think of yourself that way. You're only eight years older than me, remember …"

Apparently this was the wrong thing to say. Remus' eyes clouded over for a split-second, and then his arms were no longer around her and he had taken a quick step backwards, clearing his throat uncomfortably. She furrowed her brows, stepping closer to him again.

"Remus?" He wouldn't meet her gaze, and she had no idea why. "What's the matter? I didn't mean anything by that – it was meant to reassure you …"

"It's not that." His gaze remained dark as he began walking abruptly again, heading for his classroom at an alarming rate. "I just realised I have a couple of preparations to make before class starts, and we're running a bit late now, is all."

"Are you sure? It's just, I honestly didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but I'm about as clumsy with words as I am with my feet, so if I've upset you then I'm sorry, I didn't –"

"Honestly, Tonks, you didn't," he said firmly, stopping outside his office. "I need to go up there – you can wait here for the class to arrive and see Harry. I expect they'll be here in a few minutes anyway. And thank you for the chat."

"Remus, I –"

"Thanks."

And his office door had snapped shut, with him on the other side. Tonks sat down on a desk, eyebrows drawn together in concern, trying to fathom out what could have possibly gone wrong. Remus could argue with her 'til he was blue in the face, but she knew she'd done something to upset him. And it hurt her. Because she realised, somewhere deep down inside, that she didn't actually like it when he called her Tonks, after all.

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**A/N:** Farah and Belle are going to kill me!!!! But don't worry, folks, I'm a Nymphus obsesser, so even though the rest isn't written yet and I have no idea where I'm taking this, you can probably rest assured there'll be happiness somewhere along the way :P Then again, I promise nothing. Thanks for reading :D Now, if you'll excuse me ... -runs away from Farah and Belle!!!-


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I'm just doing a tally just now … right. I officially own: my computer; the entire Harry Potter book collection in hardback; about 60 or 70 dvd's; a wardrobe full of clothes I probably don't need; several hundred shoes; half a can of whipped cream … were the rights to Harry Potter in that list? They weren't? Go figure. 

**A/N:** Flo: Thanks loads – really glad you're enjoying:D  
ladirambaldi: Patience is a virtue, y'know :P Nah, just kidding – I may be as impatient as you for the romance to start (possibly more so, which is a worry!)  
Belle: LOL "Missy" :P Very bad pun but I appreciated it nonetheless :P Yeah, buy more whipped cream:O Yes, you do quote lol - and YAY that you like it :D Thanks sooo much, glad you like the last line lol :) And thanks - I'm not very confident with whether I'm OC or not, so thanks:D

Right, back to the fic ...

I don't really know what I was trying to do in this one – I have a feeling I lost the thread somewhere towards the end … ah well, if you can make sense of it, I'm very impressed lol!! Concrit welcomed :)

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"Oh, uh, hi, Tonks …" Ha! So busted, Tonks thought grimly, as Harry met her eye and turned red. She shot him a smirk and stood up from her position perched on the desk. He and Ron exchanged nervous looks. Hermione was nowhere to be seen.

"Harry, do me a favour," she said, rolling her eyes toward the ceiling. "I know you don't want me tailing you all the time, all right? I didn't ask for the job either. But you have to understand how vital your safety is. And no offence, but it's not like I'm all that interested in what you all talk about. I'm not going to be on your back making sure you do your homework and eavesdropping on your conversations – for the most part, I'll stay out of your way. Just keep me in the loop a bit, all right?"

"Yeah, okay, I'm sorry …" He at least had the decency to look abashed. "It's just kind of weird, is all – no offence! I guess it'll take time to get used to having a bodyguard."

"All right, everyone, bags and cloaks and books, all at the side of the room!" Tonks whirled around and saw Remus descending the stairs, levitating an enormous trunk in front of him. The students all hurried to do as he asked, and a moment later, the desks and chairs flew to the sides of the classroom too. She raised an eyebrow in his direction, but he seemed to be avoiding her gaze.

"What's in there?" asked a boy Tonks recognised from the Gryffindor table that morning, and for the first time, Tonks realised the trunk was shaking slightly as Remus set it down in front of him. She narrowed her eyes. Git. She'd bet any money she knew exactly what was in that trunk.

"Good question, Mr Thomas," Remus said. He knew his students' names already? Tonks couldn't help but be a little impressed. "Would anyone care to venture a guess as to what exactly **is** in this trunk?"

"That's a Boggart!" Everyone whirled around, including Tonks. Hermione stood beside Ron and Harry, straightening her robes – and they looked as stunned as everyone else to see her there. Nobody seemed to know when or how Hermione had arrived. Remus, however, appeared unperturbed by this, and smiled at her.

"Very good, Miss Granger, yes – ten points to Gryffindor." Ten points for that? If only he'd been a teacher while she was at school! "And does anybody know what a Boggart might look like? Say, if you came across one in a dark alley – unlikely – how would you recognise a Boggart? Miss Granger?"

"Well, for me, it would look like … I don't really know," Hermione said, appearing put out at her own lack of knowledge. Clearly this was something of an irregular occurrence for her. "It would take the shape of whatever I feared most."

"Very good – another ten points." Now he was just **giving** them away! "Boggarts are shape-shifters. It's always best to have company when dealing with a Boggart, as it won't know which shape to take – which person to frighten. Thankfully, there is a very simple spell to repel a Boggart – everyone, wands out, please. Neville, would you join me?"

Tonks watched in awe as Remus managed to get Neville Longbottom – who she'd learnt at the staff table to be something of a liability – to put Severus Snape in a green dress, fox hat and red handbag; watched as Ron's spider lost all its legs and went for a roll around the room; and watched as Harry stepped up for his turn. Whatever she felt towards Remus right now – namely anger and frustration – she couldn't help but admire him. He had a unique teaching style, not unlike his manner when talking to her last night. He treated his students with respect; didn't patronise them; but let them feel as though they were benefiting from his experience, rather than being ordered around. It was impressive.

Harry stepped before the Boggart, wand raised, and Tonks saw the problem a second too late. Remus appeared quicker on the uptake, as he stepped quickly in front of the creature, and a moment later, a silvery orb hung in the air in front of the class. As whispers broke out amongst them, Remus waved his wand quickly, not uttering a word, and what Tonks knew to be a full moon transformed into a balloon, whizzing around the room.

"Finish it off, Neville!" Remus called to the back of the class. The Boggart resumed its hilarious shape of Snape dressed as Augusta Longbottom, and as the class roared with laughter, it disappeared with a loud _Crack_. Tonks caught Remus' eye for just a moment before he turned away, sending the trunk back up the stairs.

"Excellent work, everyone!" he called to his students. "Sorry for those of you who didn't get a turn – so many of you, and so little time. See you all next class!" The pupils muttered amongst themselves as they gathered their bags and cloaks from the side of the room. Tonks signalled Harry to wait just a moment, and she manoeuvred her way through the crowd to the front of the room, where Remus was leaning on his desk, looking away from everybody.

"Why's he scared of crystal balls?" one girl hissed to her friend as Tonks passed.

"Maybe he used to go out with Professor Trelawney!" her friend replied, and Tonks was forced to stuff her fist in her mouth to hide her laughter. She reached the front of the room, where Remus appeared to be lost in thought. She touched his arm gently.

"Remus …"

"Tonks, not now," he said with his eyes closed, sounding exhausted. "You'd better go escort Harry to his next class."

"Harry! I'll catch up with you in the North Tower, okay?"

"Sure, Tonks."

"Now where were we?" she demanded, turning back towards Remus determinedly. He just sighed heavily and looked at her for what seemed like years. She fought hard against the blush she just _knew_ was waiting to creep onto her face.

"I suppose you might as well come up, then," he said, somewhat resignedly, leading her upstairs to his office. She followed him gladly – maybe they could actually sort out this mess, instead of this unnecessary awkwardness. She didn't want it to go on any longer than it already had. One hour was plenty for her.

"Whoa!" She looked around her, impressed. There were stacks of books everywhere she turned in his office, of all shapes and sizes, and probably of all natures, too.

"Would you like a cup of tea?"

"I, uh – what?" Tonks asked, turning to face him bemusedly. Her attention had been distracted by the Grindylow in the tank in one corner of the room. Remus held up an old battered teapot in one hand, _Summoning_ two cups with his wand in the other.

"Tea?" he repeated. Yes, he definitely was offering her … tea. She nodded dumbly, her head in a spin. Remus Lupin had invited her up to his office … for tea. Well, it wasn't what she had expected, granted – but she could work with it, nonetheless. She sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk, marshalling her defences. She suspected he would sit behind said desk; go into teacher mode; and rattle off all the predictable reasons for his sudden mood swing, never once spouting anything like the truth. But he didn't. He handed her one cup of tea, then sat down in the chair right next to her with his own, watching her intently. She swallowed nervously and took a drink.

"Tonks, I …"

"Stop it!" She sat her cup down on his desk, by some miracle not smashing it in the process, and got to her feet. She paced up and down restlessly, feeling Remus' eyes on her as she moved. But he didn't get up, and he didn't push her. He just waited until she slowed a little, forcing herself to meet his gaze at last.

"Stop it," she repeated more quietly, bringing up one hand to massage her temple. "I mean it, Remus, just … just stop."

"Stop what?" he asked finally, his tone that usual annoyingly placid one of his. "Tonks, I didn't think I'd done anything wrong, I –"

"No! Stop **that**, Remus!"

"What? Tonks …"

"Don't call me Tonks!" she finally blurted out, and she saw his features contract and his brows furrow in confusion. "I …" She didn't know what to say, except the truth. "I know I go on about my first name all the time, and I do hate it – I really hate it, actually – but … I can't explain it, Remus. But you call me Dora, and I don't mind it. In fact, I mind more when you call me Tonks, because you didn't up until earlier this morning. And I know it's because I said something that's upset you, and I didn't mean to, Remus, okay? I'm sorry!"

"Ton – Dora," he amended quickly, not meeting her eyes. "I already told you, you haven't said anything to upset me. I just … I can't do this any more."

"**What**?" she pressed him, frustrated. "What can't you do any more, Remus?! Merlin, it's not like I'm running around wild, or anything! If you don't want to show me the ropes any more then fine by me – I'll figure it out myself like always."

"It's got nothing to do with that," he said shortly. "It's _you_, Dora. You have to see this from my perspective. We've been in one another's company for a little under twenty-four hours, and we've barely spent a minute apart. It can't go on, for your sake."

"Right. So this is about you not wanting to spend time with me at all now?"

"No!" He said it so fervently, it was almost frightening. "Try and understand, Dora, please, just try … If I had it my way, I would spend far more time with you than I probably should want to. All right? You're a bright young witch; you're fun to be around; you're easy to talk to; you're interesting … anybody would want to spend time in your company. But I'm not like anybody else. I'm dangerous. I can't afford to have close friends."

So that was all it was? He didn't want to be her friend … because he was a werewolf?

"You're kidding, right?" Tonks asked him, staring blankly at him. "I mean, this is all some sort of a joke, isn't it? You can't _mean_ it!"

"On the contrary, I most certainly do mean it," he informed her quietly. "The only close friends I've ever had were Sirius, James and Peter, and that was a very long time ago. I've gotten plenty used to being alone over the years. And the only reason I allowed myself to get close to them is that I was eleven years old, Dora – I was naïve enough to believe it would be safe. But I put them in horrific danger by allowing myself that friendship with them. It was luck, and nothing more, that stopped me from hurting them. I learnt a long time ago that luck doesn't hold out forever – and please believe me when I say I'm sorry. But I can't put you or anyone else at risk like that."

"Remus …" She thought she finally understood. She did believe that he was sorry – but he had no reason to be. "You don't have to do everything alone," she said carefully, after a few moments of contemplation. "Not any more. Twelve years, Remus, twelve years you've shut yourself off because you lost your friends. How long is it going to go on?"

"It's not going to stop," he replied simply. "It can't. I won't allow it."

"Don't be a bloody stubborn fool!" she hissed, anger swelling inside her. "It's not like I'm asking you to let me spend full moons with you, Remus – it's not as though I'd be taking away the pain! You wouldn't let me; I know that well enough. I just want to be your friend! Don't you understand _me_? I don't care that you're a werewolf! I see so much more to you than that, and I just want to spend some time with you – the **man** I thought was my friend! Is that so much to ask?"

"It is when I'm putting you in danger by being your friend," he answered steadily. Tonks could have torn out her own hair in frustration at him.

"What if I don't care about the danger?" Her voice was in serious danger of cracking – as was the rest of her. "What if I just want to be your friend, Remus? What if I want to help; what if I pretend there is no wolf in you? What if we're only friends twenty-seven days a month? Would you let me be close to you then?"

"You know it wouldn't work out that way, Dora …"

"No, I know it wouldn't, but let's just be hypothetical for a moment," Tonks said clearly, determined to keep as calm as he was. "What if you weren't a werewolf, Remus?"

"What?" His head jolted up sharply, and narrowed amber eyes met hers. "What are you talking about? I am a werewolf, that's the whole problem."

"No, I don't think it is." She circled him slowly, keeping her eyes focussed on his, as he turned to follow her movements. "I don't think it's the whole problem at all. I think it's barely even a part of the problem. I think you're afraid, Remus. I think you're afraid to get close to anyone, because whenever you let yourself care, you get hurt – you think it's better to stay at a distance, because you can't feel the pain of losing someone if you don't let them in! Am I getting close at all yet?"

"Why do you care so much?" Remus shot at her, for the first time allowing some anger into his voice. "What difference does it make to you?"

Good question. Why _did_ she care so much? Why did she want to be his friend more than anybody else's – even before she had begun to suspect she might be attracted to him, what had drawn her to him? She closed her eyes, trying to fight the truth, but she couldn't do it. She had denied it even to herself, but it wouldn't work any more.

"Sirius!" Tonks shouted fiercely. Remus' face paled and his eyes widened, and she looked away, trying not to let the tears escape her eyes.

"What?" His voice was almost hollow now; empty of any sort of emotion.

"Sirius," she repeated. "He was the only family who ever showed any sort of faith in me; the only cousin I ever cared about and who cared about me. He was a good man, Remus – you know he was! And I don't believe he did it."

"I don't want to discuss this with you –"

"Just listen to me, for one second!" He stopped talking and watched her. "I don't think Sirius would have betrayed James – or Lily – like that, any more than I think you would have. I don't know how else to explain it, but there has to be something else. He was one of your closest friends, Remus – he trusted you through everything, even through finding out you were a werewolf! How can you turn your back on him like this?"

"Because I have no alternative." Remus' voice was now low and heavy – he sounded almost defeated. "You're young, Dora. I understand you want to believe the best of him, and I respect that – he's family. But you're also too young – too young to know what it was like when Voldemort was in power. You may remember it, but you don't _know_. You couldn't – and it's better that way. Voldemort was picking us off, one by one – he would have stopped at nothing to get what he wanted! If Harry hadn't been his downfall, neither of us would be standing here today. Your father was Muggle-born – and despite Voldemort's liking for having werewolves on his side, I was in the Order of the Phoenix. I fought them with everything I had – and I lost everything I had. But not until after Voldemort was defeated. Do you know how it feels to think you've won, and then to have everyone you care about snatched from you?"

"Remus, I … I don't, but …"

"No buts," he said firmly. "I wish more than anything that Sirius were innocent. But if he were, then how did Peter die? How could Voldemort have found James and Lily – he was their Secret Keeper, Dora! If there is one thing I want, it's to have my old friends back, and if I could have even one, I would be grateful. But the evidence against Sirius …"

"Do you think he did it?" she asked quietly.

"Haven't I just explained this to you?"

"No, you haven't," Tonks said firmly. "You've said why thinking about losing your friends is so upsetting; and you've thrown all the questions around in the air; but you haven't answered a single one. You haven't even tried. When you first heard Peter had been killed, and that Sirius had done it, how did you feel? Did you believe it?"

"Well of course I didn't **want** to believe it, but –"

"But you did?"

"Well, I … no, no, I don't suppose I did." He looked at her from behind his fringe. "But I had to come to terms with the truth, Dora."

"I thought as a wolf you had good instincts?" she pointed out. "You would have known, Remus! You would have known if he had it in him to be a murderer! You were best friends for what? Eleven years? Something would have shown through, and you know it. Deep down, you know there's always another explanation. He's innocent, Remus. I can feel it, he is. Please. I need **someone** to believe me."

"Even if I did believe you," Remus said slowly and cautiously, "it wouldn't mean anything. I can't tell you I believe he didn't do it, Dora. But I can't tell you for sure that he did, either. I've learnt to get along without thinking about it. And it's better this way … it's better you're not looking to me for support, when I can't offer it."

"Don't be so self-deprecating," said Tonks softly, resolved to keep things smooth between them. "You make yourself out to be some sort of a weakling, like you're dead inside – but Remus, if you weren't one of the strongest men I know, then you would never have gotten through everything life's thrown at you. But you are; you have; and you're still standing. I don't know if I would be, after all you've been through. And yet … here you are. I have so much respect for you, Remus – you're an inspiration; surviving the way you have. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry for dumping all this on you. I guess I just needed to let it all out, and I assumed you would understand. It was wrong of me to assume anything. I'm sorry."

"No, Dora …" Remus stood up and took a few cautious steps towards her. "I'm the one who's sorry. I let my own stubbornness get in the way of common sense – I know it shouldn't be a problem to be friends, I just … I have a hard time trusting; letting people in. Often when they find out about my lycanthropy, they turn tail and run. Makes it a tad difficult to form strong friendships."

"But I already know!" Instinct took over, and Tonks pulled him into her arms for what she had intended to be a friendly hug. "Remus, I know about your condition, and I don't care. I would never be so shallow!"

What had started out as a friendly hug suddenly seemed to be a bad idea, as it was stirring up all sorts of odd sensations in the pit of her stomach and behind her ribcage, where her heart was pounding so hard she thought it might burst out of her chest any moment. Her arms were tangled around his neck, and slowly, carefully, he wrapped his own around her waist, holding her against his body. She bit her lip in an attempt to conceal the idiotic grin she felt creeping across her face, and a moment later, she moved to shuffle a tad closer to him …

And got her foot caught up in the hem of his robes. She gasped and tried to move backwards, and wound up pulling him with her as she tumbled to the ground. She giggled nervously, immensely grateful to see him grinning boyishly at her as he chuckled. She couldn't help but notice he had yet to make any move to get up.

"So … we're good?" asked Tonks hopefully. He smiled at her.

"Yes, I think that's a fairly safe assumption," Remus replied, looking down at her with a gleam in his eye. She swallowed uncertainly, trying hard not to blink. Somehow this seemed like a non-blinking moment.

"Remus?"

"Yes?"

"Would you mind … getting off of me?"

"Oh, Merlin!" He scrambled to his feet, his face beet red, and held out his hand. Tonks chortled as he helped her up, and she smoothed down her t-shirt. Giving him the once over, she reached out and straightened his robes, only pausing when she realised her hands were as good as caressing his chest. She glanced up into his eyes, and was met with a piercing gaze. She cleared her throat.

"Uh, well, I'd better … go, get Harry …"

"Yes, of course …" It was another moment before Tonks' body responded to her brain, and she jerked backwards quite suddenly, shoving her hands in her pockets just so they were far removed from his chest. She forced a smile.

"Well, I'm glad we talked, anyway, Remus," she said, her voice several octaves higher than she would have liked. He smiled faintly.

"As am I … I'll see you at dinner, then?"

"Sure. See you …" She turned and left as quickly as she could, and the second she had closed his office door, she fled down the stairs, through the classroom and into the corridor. She then proceeded to collapse against the wall, breathing heavily. She stole a glance backwards at his closed office door, heart still thumping wildly. What the hell just happened back there?

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**A/N:** Wow! You got this far! Now, did you understand it:P Ah well, thanks again to all of you who made it to here – you're very brave and very patient lol!! Love all my readers, you guys are awesome :D

Alli

xoxo


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** -insert some amusing comment loosely based on "I own nothing in the wizarding world" or "JKR is god ... ish" here -

**A/N:** Wow!! Okay, here we go lol!!

_Belle:_ Caffeine is bad for you! But thanks sooo much for your support, and glad you're liking the whole build up :D  
_Kate:_ Hey, thanks loads :D I love new readers - and old ones too! - and it's great to know you took the time to read through it, it means a lot :)  
_giftedfred:_ Yay!! I made some twisted form of sense :D Glad you enjoyed - and thank YOU for reviewing ;)  
_ladirambaldi:_ Awww, thanks sooo much!! I love your enthusiasm for this lol, it makes me grin :D And thanks for the encouragement about my writing :)  
_Farah:_ You and Belle are both lazy!! Log In lol:P But in all seriousness, I KNOW YOU WOULD!!! But Tonks did not :P And here's chapter 6 now - more up soon :D

I'm back at school now so updates may not be quite as frequent, but I'll keep writing whenever I get the chance cause I do love writing this! Thanks again to all my wonderful readers who reviewed and/or added me to their story alert lists, it's much appreciated :D Hope chapter 6 lives up to your expectations :D

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For the next several weeks, Tonks saw far less of Remus than she would have liked. Then again, after the _incident_ in his office, she didn't exactly know what to say to him any more, so maybe it was a good thing … She still saw him at meals, but somehow they never ended up sitting together any more. And in Defence classes she would always hang back, but he always seemed to have another class to cover, or a student to speak to, and they never had a chance to talk. No more than small talk – maybe the odd pleasantry here and there – at any rate. And somehow … she just wanted more. She _needed_ more. She needed to talk to him. She needed to _know_.

He didn't even seem to want to use her to his advantage in classes, either. A few of the teachers – certainly not Snape, but McGonnagall and Flitwick – had often asked Tonks to help them with demonstrations and keep the class on the right tracks while they popped out on messages. Indeed, Remus and Snape seemed to be the only ones who didn't find her presence in their class to be of any help.

The weeks dragged on, until it was the morning after the second full moon since the start of term. She would never admit it to Remus, but Tonks had been keeping a close eye on the waxing moon this time around. As it drew closer, she tried harder than ever to talk to him, but he seemed to be trying harder than ever to push her away. But she was determined she wasn't letting him avoid her that easily – not now. She felt cruel, but maybe getting to him when he was weak was the only way to get through. So that morning, she wolfed down her breakfast – although she spared a few moments to note his absence at the table: shocker.

"Harry!" Tonks crouched down behind him and his friends at the Gryffindor table that morning – _House whore _– and he turned to face her. "Harry, I'm going to catch up with you in Divination, all right?"

"What about Defence Against The Dark Arts?" Hermione asked, watching the young Auror shrewdly. Tonks raised her eyebrows.

"Well surely, if Harry's going to be attacked, he'd be safer left alone in that class than any other?" she replied, and Harry and Ron snorted appreciatively, whilst Hermione looked mildly affronted.

"Is everything okay, Tonks?" Harry asked more seriously. She smiled.

"Yeah, great," she said. "I just have a couple of errands to do in the village is all. I'll be back as quickly as I can, all right?"

"Yeah, sure," Harry shrugged, turning back to his breakfast. Tonks avoided Hermione's gaze, which was still fixed steadfastly upon her.

"Thanks!" Before any of them could utter another word, she was up and out of there, heading as quickly as she could for the teachers' quarters. She slowed down as she approached them, realising uncomfortably that she'd never been in this wing of the castle before. The corridors were dark, so she took out her wand.

"_Lumos_." She took slow, cautious steps, using her lit wand to read the nameplates on the wooden panelled doors. Her breath caught in her chest as she finally came across Remus' door. She suddenly found she was rather afraid to go in.

"Remus?" She knocked three times, loudly, on the door. No answer, save for some sort of indistinguishable whimper – which of course only sufficed to make her even more worried. "Remus! Remus, it's me … I'm coming in." When there was still no discernible response, she waved her wand over the locked door, and pushed it aside.

"Oh, Remus!!"

"Get out of here, Dora …"

"No!" Tonks ran to his side, furiously blinking back tears. He was half-sitting, half-lying down, sprawled in a very awkward position in the corner of his room, a sheet semi-covering his otherwise naked body. The room itself seemed free from scratches, and – thank Merlin! – there were no visible traces of blood, but he looked awful.

"Dora, I mean it," Remus rasped, pushing her away. "Just leave."

"I'm not going anywhere!" She couldn't disguise the tremble in her voice as she reached for him, gently pushing his fringe back out of his eyes to observe him. His skin was pale; his face drawn; his scars were more pronounced than ever; and his eyes bore an almost haunted look. Tonks felt an overwhelming rush of pity for him, as she smoothed down his hair with one hand, and ran her other hand softly over his cheek.

"What are you doing here?" he asked hoarsely, his eyes drifting shut. She wanted to hold him; to wrap her arms around him and comfort him; to make the pain go away.

"I came to make sure you were all right … Remus, when did you –?"

"When the sun rose," he croaked, his head lolling sideways onto his shoulder. "Dora, I've been doing this alone for years – I know how to handle a transformation. You don't have to worry about me like this. I'll be all right in a little bit."

"Well then you won't mind me sitting with you, for my own peace of mind."

Remus looked up at her, a look of shock passing over his features before he could disguise it. Tonks didn't know why, but she really didn't care at the moment. She silently _Summoned_ some robes for him, and made to help him put them on.

"What are you doing?"

"You must be freezing," she murmured softly, trying to wrap him in the thick brown cloth as best she could. He stared at her with something like incredulity on his face, until she was satisfied he would be warm, and allowed herself to meet his gaze. "What?" she demanded, almost defiantly. He continued to gape.

"You … you really don't have to, you know …"

"Oh, shut up," she said, rolling her eyes. "I get that you're a gentleman and all, Remus, but for once in your life, don't be so bloody noble. I'm not here out of some twisted sort of interest; I'm not here because I feel sorry for you; and I'm most certainly not here to argue with you. I'm here because I care, Remus … for once, won't you just let me?"

"I just … I've been avoiding you, Dora," he confessed, looking away. She allowed herself to smirk ever so slightly.

"I never would have guessed," she said, almost with a straight face. He smiled weakly.

"I'm sorry." His voice was slightly stronger, and he managed to pull himself into a proper sitting position, with a little of her help. "I thought that by forming some sort of distance, that it would be easier on both of us. You were right about me. I am afraid. I'm afraid of what I'll do to anyone who gets close to me – I've lost anyone I've ever dared let myself get close to. After a while, I started shutting the world out, because it was easier. I've been a coward … and a fool. Going it alone is all I know any more, and I … I was so scared that I would hurt you; lose you. It seemed inevitable."

"I'd consider you an idiot if you didn't have some guards up, after all you've been through," Tonks said honestly. "But I'm not afraid of **you**, Remus. I'm not some naïve child who thinks you're interesting because you change once a month. And I'm not going to give up on our friendship, because you're so sweet, and so kind, and funny, and smart, and you put up with my ridiculous sense of humour, and you … you appreciate me. You make me feel special. And only a truly wonderful person like you could do that, so if you think I care about the slim possibility that you might hurt me – which, incidentally, I don't think you would ever do anyway – then you're an even bigger fool than I gave you credit for to begin with. So what's it going to be, Lupin?"

"Oh, Dora …" His hand shook ever so slightly as he brought it up to her, but he didn't let that deter him, and he rubbed his thumb gently along the curve of her jaw. She felt his body tremble slightly as his eyes drifted shut again, and she allowed her own to do the same. His hand slid around her neck and a tingle went down her spine. Her eyes flickered open uncertainly, and she found his watching her intently. Hardly breathing, she leant in the tiniest bit closer to him, just to see if he would pull away …

"Remus!" They both jumped, startled, and their heads cracked together.

"Ouch …" Tonks had to suppress a giggle as she clambered to her feet, taking a few steps back until her leg collided with a chair. She hissed quietly, stumbling into the chair.

"Remus! I know you're in there!"

"Minerva, really, I'm fine," he called out hoarsely. Tonks was sure she heard a disbelieving sniff on the other side of the door.

"You really should let someone check up on you sometimes, you know," Professor McGonnagall said encouragingly. "Nobody thinks any less of you – we respect your independence, but we worry about you too. Will you please just let me in?"

"No, really, there's no need," he insisted, and Tonks heard a small sigh.

"Very well. Don't you go back to teaching today, at the very least – I will check up on you, Remus Lupin! Take care." A moment later, her footsteps could be heard retreating down the corridor, and Tonks let out a breath.

"That was close!" she said, half-laughing, and Remus shot her a smile that held some faint semblance of his familiar cheeky grin.

"Was Nymphadora Tonks actually nervous?" he teased her, and she shot him her best unimpressed look – one eyebrow raised, a half-glower on her lips, and a tightened jaw. All it earned her was a snort and an eye-roll. Hmm. Maybe he wasn't as easy to fool as she'd first thought. But he was still an insolent git.

"You know, just because you spent last night eating your own fleas and sleeping in front of the fireplace, doesn't mean you get to call me Nymphadora." He stared at her for a moment, and she half-wondered if she had gone too far. But a moment later, he went into raucous peals of laughter, his entire body shaking as he rocked back and forth on the spot, watching her from behind his fringe.

"Bloody hell, Dora!" he chuckled, running one hand through his hair. "You're certainly one of a kind, you know that?"

"Of course I do – my mother invented the stupid name just to spite me for being born three weeks late! She's convinced I did it just for fun."

"I'm not talking about your name – although it certainly adds to your unique personality, I'll give you that much! Merlin … do you have any idea the last time someone had the nerve to make jokes about lycanthropy to a just-transformed-back werewolf?"

"Can't say as I do," Tonks said in mock thoughtfulness. Remus shook his head.

"Nor do I," he replied, his smile fading ever so slightly. "Most people are too scared to bring it up, as if it's some kind of fatal disease or something. Sometimes … they make me feel like I'm dying. They don't know how to talk to me like I'm a normal person, let alone joke about what's wrong with me."

"There is nothing wrong with you," Tonks murmured softly, lowering herself onto the floor and scooting across to his side. "You're a better man than most – you just happen to … have a _furry little problem_." That got his attention all right. His head whipped around, eyes wide, and he stared at her for a few moments. She tried to outstare him, but her giggles got the better of her, and she let out a snort of laughter. Remus rolled his eyes and nudged her teasingly in the ribs.

"I can't believe Sirius told you," he said, but he was grinning all the same. "He was such a total prat! It was bad enough James calling it that at school – Flitwick still likes to ask me how my rabbit's doing!"

That was too much for Tonks, and she burst out into hysterics, her body collapsing onto his; shoulder to shoulder; tears streaming from her eyes.

"It's really not all that funny, you know," Remus informed her seriously, which only served to make her laugh harder.

"Oh, trust me, Remus!" she chortled. "It is!"

"Right, you, up!" he laughed, shoving her playfully. She heaved herself to her feet, suddenly remembering she was meant to be taking care of him. She glanced around her, and then whipped out her wand.

"_Accio kettle_!" she ordered, and one came flying. A quick _Aguamenti_ and a simple heating charm later, and she was brewing up two cups of Grandma Tonks' famous hot chocolate, the best cure in the world for a hangover – and she hoped, for the painful morning after any other sort of traumatising event, too.

"Thank you," Remus smiled, as she settled down opposite him, both with mugs in hand.

"Cheers." Tonks raised her mug to him, and smiled when he mirrored her gesture. She watched him for a few moments over the rim of her mug, thinking. If McGonnagall hadn't have come knocking at the door … was he going to pull away from her? It hadn't seemed like it at the time – then again, he had been incredibly weak. She set her mug down, still watching him closely.

"What?" he asked with a smile, catching her gaze. "Chocolate moustache?"

"Can't tell," she retorted, and he grinned.

"True. I've often considered shaving it, but I'm afraid my upper lip really would feel rather naked without it. And I suspect my nose would get rather lonely."

She giggled and stuck her tongue out at him, secretly trying to picture him without a moustache. It would be … strange. He might look good … but strange. Then again, she was coming to realise she thought he looked pretty good with one, too. And it seemed he was finally ready to let her care about him – granted, he didn't know how much … but there was only one way to really know.

Her mind finally made up, Tonks took a deep breath and leant forward towards Remus, using her hands on either side of her to pull her body forward. And she did propel herself, all right – knocking over her hot chocolate in the process.

"_Bollocks_!!!!!" She jumped to her feet, wand at the ready. "_Scourgify_!" Typical, really, that the spell hadn't worked once since her first morning here. "Oh, damn it – Remus, I'm so sorry, it was a total accident!" But he was laughing.

"Allow me," he said, shooting her a lopsided smile and winking. He raised his hand, and his own wand soared into it, leaving Tonks gaping at him. "_Scourgify_!" The hot chocolate disappeared immediately, leaving no trace of its existence save the upturned mug and a stain on Tonks' jeans. Remus leant forwards. "_Evanesco_," he murmured, and the stain vanished. She smiled gratefully up at him.

"Thanks …" She cleared her throat. "How did you do that?" She gestured towards his wand, still hanging slack in his grip. "How did you get your wand without … a wand?"

"Oh." His face flushed and he muttered something indistinct.

"Sorry?" Tonks prompted him. She was fascinated by this man – she wanted to know everything about him; all these little tricks, she found endearing.

"Oh, uh, it was just a kind of … wandless magic," he said quietly, not meeting her eye. She raised her eyebrows, stunned into silence – but just for a moment.

"Well, well, Moony," she said, knowing it would make him look up. "It seems there's a lot more to this Marauder than meets the eye. Wandless magic? I'm extremely impressed! I'm surprised the Ministry doesn't have you on their Auror Trainers' Team."

"The Ministry don't tend to associate themselves or their workers with lycanthropes," he responded dryly. "In fact they do everything in their power to avoid it."

"Their loss," was all Tonks said. His eyes met hers for a brief moment, and she saw a flash of gratitude in them. She smiled warmly – if only he knew how deeply she meant those words. But something told her he still didn't quite realise how much he had to offer a woman – as a friend or otherwise – by just being himself. She would just have to make a point of showing him sometime.

"Well, thank you," he said, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled. "For everything, Dora. You've been wonderful … but at the risk of sounding rude, I think I need my rest."

"Oh, sure!" Tonks nodded reassuringly – at least he wasn't forcibly removing her from the room as she's thought he might do. If he had been in any fit state to do so. "That sounds like a very smart idea – get plenty of rest; get your strength up. And I, uh … I might see you at dinner?" She intended it to sound offhanded, but suspected he saw through her.

"Probably," he said, nodding and still smiling. "Thank you for being so caring, Dora. And thank you for putting up with the stubborn tendencies of an old werewolf."

"You're not old, Remus," she informed him, kissing him softly on the cheek. "Have a good sleep, and if you don't come to dinner, I'll have the house elves save you something nice … well, bye, Remus."

"Goodbye Dora."

She smiled as she left the room, closing the door and sealing it silently behind her, just in case anybody else decided to check up on him. She let out a soft sigh as she wandered away in the direction of the North Tower. Maybe she still didn't know how he felt about her. But she knew how he didn't feel. He didn't hate her. And for now … for now, that was good enough.

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**A/N:** This one got a bit funny around the middle, but it was supposed to show a kind of milestone in their non!relationship, where he realises she accepts him for who he is, etc etc. Hope it came out okay, and there will be more of the mushy stuff and the "humour" (if we can call it that!) to come in later chapters. No idea how long this fic's going to be, it has a mind of its own!! Thanks for reading this far :D

Alli xoxo


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **Yeah, um, you may be shocked to learn I STILL don't own anything ... if you're like, a moron or something ... so, yeah. Pretty much, not mine. Kinda sucks, but you know. That's life. That's why we have fanfiction, after all.

**A/N:** Kate: Lol! Glad someone likes that joke - thought it was just me who liked writing it :P And thanks:D  
LotrNaustenfan: Lol yeah, kind of me being mean ... that's going to be something you'll need to get used to, I apparently write mean all the time:P And thanks for reading and reviewing:D  
DelightedChild: That's a popular line, I see :P Glad you're enjoying!  
ladirambaldi: LOL!!!!!!! Yes, yes, Alli is mean, but you all keep coming back for more (are you stupid?? Just kidding!! Keep coming :D ) And thanks so much for your kind words :D

Love you all my reviewers!!

Once again, thanks to those who read and didn;t review and those who story-alerted this fic, it all means a lot to me :)

Right, longest chapter I've ever written in a fic, EVER, so you'd better enjoy it - I changed it about 7 times Here's chapter 7:D

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"Auror Tonks!" Tonks turned around, amused, to see a second year running after her in the corridor on her way to the last class of the day. Just ahead, Harry and Ron stopped as well, looking over their shoulders. They had recently become much more relaxed around Tonks, and didn't seem to mind her tagging along, almost as one of them. Once again, nobody had any idea where Hermione was. Tonks smiled at the second year encouragingly.

"Auror Tonks, Professor Dumbledore wants to see you," the little girl said breathlessly. Tonks raised her eyebrows, perplexed. Dumbledore wanted to see **her**? She had been sent to Professor Sprout, her Head of House, and occasionally even McGonnagall during her own school days to receive lectures, but she didn't think she had ever been summoned to see the Headmaster before. In fact, she wasn't even sure she knew where his office was! "And he says he likes Cockroach Cluster," the girl added, looking confused.

"Thank you …" The girl ran off, and Tonks frowned thoughtfully. "He likes Cockroach Cluster? Well, always good to know … I mean, it's about three months to Christmas, but I guess it never hurts to start dropping hints in advance."

"I think it's the password," Harry said, grinning. "Last year I remember being sent to him, and it was Sherbet Lemon."

"Typical," Tonks laughed. "Okay, well, I'm going to go see what this is all about – I'll see you in Potions, okay?"

"Sure." Harry and Ron wandered away towards the dungeons, and she pulled out her wand. She performed a quick _Point Me_ spell, concentrating on Dumbledore's office, and followed the direction it sent her in. She was so busy focussing on her wand, she didn't even notice the figure approaching her, and consequently let out a squeal of shock when she walked right into it, losing her balance.

"Whoa! Steady," said a familiar voice teasingly, and she shot Remus a pretend-annoyed glare, then allowed her face to split into a grin, and she used his arms around her as a support to right herself again. She then looked him up and down, and was pleased to see he looked much healthier than he had the previous day.

"I'm beginning to think you follow me around waiting for me to trip," she informed him.

"Not that it doesn't amuse me, but I'm afraid I would have no reason to wait for that to happen, when I get such enjoyment from my students. The Weasley twins are particularly entertaining, as Minerva had suggested they might be."

"Hmm, I think you just want an excuse to hold onto me, Remus." He let out a throaty laugh and stepped slightly closer to her. This, she hadn't anticipated. She felt her throat constrict as he leant in uncomfortably close to her, his breath tickling her neck as he murmured into her ear.

"What makes you think I'd need an excuse?" The huskiness of his voice was enough to make her faint – but she didn't. Instead, she flipped her hair, today long and black, over her shoulder, and smirked flirtatiously.

"Because I intimidate you," she said, and a grin spread over his face. Tonks couldn't hold in her own laughter, and soon the pair of them were in fits.

"Incidentally," Remus managed to say through his laughter, "what had you so focussed on your wand that you didn't even see me coming?"

"Oh, I had a _Point Me_ going on," she smiled. "Dumbledore wants to see me in his office."

"Really? Same here." Remus sounded mildly surprised. "And … you didn't know where his office was, is that it?"

"No, I've never been there."

"Shocking." He shook his head and tutted at her. "And here I was thinking you were a troublemaker in your Hogwarts days, Dora."

"I think you'll find there's a large gap between regular troublemaking and Maraudering!"

"Your cousin would be disgusted!" he laughed, then stopped himself quite suddenly. The night before at dinner, neither of them had mentioned what had happened that morning – although, Tonks supposed, nothing really **had** happened. And their little argument over Sirius hadn't been mentioned since it happened, and neither had the man in question, until now. Remus cleared his throat unsurely, then began to lead her towards the Headmaster's office. He seemed awfully familiar with the route.

"So can I safely assume the Marauders spent their fair share of time in Dumbledore's office for disciplinary reasons, then?" Tonks teased, hoping to lighten the mood again. Remus only half-smiled, but she supposed it was better than nothing.

"I believe we spent a lot of people's fair share of time in Dumbledore's office for disciplinary reasons," he replied. "Sirius and James were … quite the pranksters."

"I have trouble believing they were the only ones," she said tauntingly, this time earning a real smile for her trouble.

"No idea what you mean," he informed her, a look of sublime innocence arranged on his handsome features. Wait – handsome? "I was always the good one of the four. Prefect, putting all my friends in detention. It was certainly interesting."

"And if I were to ask Dumbledore about it, you think he'd tell me the same version?"

"Dumbledore was a tad busy saving the wizarding world to notice who **exactly** put James and Sirius in detention," Remus said casually, and Tonks chuckled appreciatively.

"I see – your Prefect's badge kept you away, is that it?" she snorted.

"It did indeed prove a useful deterrent," he admitted, a mischievous smirk flashing across his face before he could disguise it. "I take that to mean you were never a prefect?"

"Apparently I lacked 'certain necessary qualities,'" Tonks said, pouting.

"Do I dare ask?"

"Oh, mainly the ability to behave myself," she grinned impishly, and he laughed aloud in response. "I see they somehow overlooked that little problem when appointing Remus Lupin, though. Or are the rumours of the infamous Marauders' Map no more than that?" She was quite delighted to see his eyes widen and his jaw drop just a fraction. "What?" she asked, hoping she'd managed to sound quite as innocent as he had earlier.

"I was under the impression that only _Marauders_ were privy to the details of that particular – ahem – venture," he said, his tone irritatingly light. Tonks merely smirked.

"Drunken babysitting cousins really are the most entertaining," she informed him tartly. "But you must have done a real number on him – he wouldn't tell me anything other than how it showed everyone and the secret passages. Never let slip how to get it working to start with, or where to find it … unless it was left in the care of the most responsible Marauder of the group?" she asked hopefully, and he grinned.

"Not guilty – for once," he replied cheerfully, as he stopped walking outside a large stone gargoyle. Tonks really did think the thing was one of the ugliest of the many displeasing articles to be found embedded into the school walls. She looked around blankly.

"**Cockroach cluster**," Remus said, and Tonks gaped as the gargoyle sprang aside.

"Harry was right!" she said, almost indignantly. Her companion smiled amiably and stood aside to allow her to step onto the now moving staircase first.

"After you," he said, smiling. She grinned and stepped on, feeling him close behind her as they rose. A moment later, when the staircase ground to a halt, he took the lead – not out of any sort of discourtesy, she knew, but to make her feel more at ease with the situation, by not having to walk in first.

"Ah, Remus, Tonks," Dumbledore said pleasantly as they entered. "So glad you could join me. Please, have a seat."

"Afternoon, Albus," Remus said politely, not hesitating to sit down in one of the chairs in front of Dumbledore's desk. Tonks followed his lead, trying to steal surreptitious glances around her at the many unrecognisable silver instruments on spindly-legged tables.

"May I offer either of you a drink?" asked the Headmaster. Remus accepted cheerily, but it was several moments before Tonks was jolted back to reality and realised she was expected to answer.

"Uh, thank you," she said bemusedly. Dumbledore smiled and sent two glasses of Butterbeer flying towards them. Perhaps it was a tad early, but who was she to complain? If the Headmaster condoned it, she would gladly go along with his wishes, she thought smugly as she took a long drink. She did love Butterbeer.

"Now, I asked you both here this afternoon for what will – at first – appear to be a purely superficial reason, but I can assure you right now, it is not so," Dumbledore said, sounding strangely chipper given the seriousness of his words. "The truth of it is, I chose you two because you have one major similarity. You both have first-hand experience of the Muggle world and Muggle culture – yes?"

"Indeed," Remus said, a small smile on his lips. Maybe he guessed what was going on. Tonks certainly had no idea, and merely nodded dumbly. Dumbledore smiled indulgently.

"Well, an idea I have been toying with for a while now – as I believe I expressed to you during part of your … interview process, Remus" he said, with more of a gleam in his eye than usual, "– is that perhaps it's time we stamped out the bad blood – if you'll excuse the pun – between those '_pure-bloods'_ and the Muggle-borns among the students."

"And you think we're the ones to help?" Tonks flushed slightly – she still got nervous speaking around the Headmaster – but Dumbledore merely smiled again, exchanging an infuriatingly superior glance with Remus.

"I most certainly to," he replied simply. "Remus, you know what my plan is – if you think you have enough time, I think we ought to put it into action on Halloween night. Keep me posted on the developments, would you?"

"Certainly, sir," Remus said, standing up, and Tonks stood up too – so abruptly, in fact, that her chair fell over behind her. She groaned inwardly, hurrying to right it, and shot her best embarrassed smile at the Headmaster, who simply chuckled.

"I look forward to hearing your reports," he said cheerfully, not drawing any attention to her mistake. She smiled gratefully, then followed Remus out, both of them offering a polite goodbye to Dumbledore as they left. The second the office door had closed and she had stepped onto the now descending staircase, she groaned aloud and leant against the wall.

"It's official," she said scathingly, "I am the world's biggest **klutz**! Oh, and I have also lately developed the very annoying habit of blushing every time I make a fool of myself – which happens to be all the time!"

"Oh, I don't think Dumbledore minds," Remus said mildly. "Now, you have a class to get to with Harry – how about we meet this evening to, er, discuss things?"

"Oh! Yeah, how about you tell me what exactly he was on about?" Tonks demanded, eyes narrowed and fixed upon the man before her, wearing a roguish grin she was sure was some kind of living memory of his Maraudering days.

"Well, for such a brilliant wizard, Albus does have something of a … taste, for Muggle music," Remus said slowly and carefully. She just looked at him, eyebrows raised. "All right, well, we had talked – jokingly, at the time – about throwing some sort of a Muggle party, with Muggle music and food and culture … you know, just to give the wizarding kids a shot at seeing what they missed out on, and make the Muggle-borns feel more at home here, with stuff they grew up with, rather than feeling like outsiders all the time."

Tonks considered the plan for a moment. It was daring, bold – guaranteed to cause problems with a few of the students of Black ancestry, granted … even better, she thought with an internal snort. She smirked.

"I love it!" she said happily. "We'll get planning tonight! Now, why don't you explain to me exactly what Dumbledore meant when he said this had come up during your 'interview process'?"

"What do you mean?" Remus asked calmly, but his face had flushed a couple of shades redder than usual, and he seemed reluctant to meet her eye. Tonks cried out in triumph.

"Aha! I knew it! Right, if you don't tell me right now what the big joke or secret or – whatever – is, Remus Lupin, I swear I **will** hex you into next month, and I'll tell Mad-Eye you snuck up on me in a dark corridor. He'd be proud of my constant vigilance."

"Alastor and I have known one another for about fourteen years," Remus retaliated, rising immediately to her challenge, "and if I tell him his protégée's blackmailing me, he'll listen."

"You sure you want to test that theory?"

"How about my office after dinner, to start planning?" Damn. He was good at this. "I'd suggest more neutral territory for continuing this battle of wits, but I suspect Albus wouldn't appreciate us having it out in front of the students."

"I have a sneaking suspicion you may be right," Tonks said, rolling her eyes. "All right, I'll see you tonight, then."

"Absolutely. If you'll excuse me …" He nodded his head in acknowledgement of their arrangement, and then he turned and walked off towards his office. She watched him go for a moment, then headed for the dungeons in a hurry.

Even Snape's jibes about her lack of punctuality, and the fact that she managed to spill seven different ingredients and trip over her own feet twice in that class alone, couldn't bring Tonks down. She practically skipped back to the common room with the others, sat and braided Ginny's long hair by hand by the fireplace, and even played three games of Exploding Snap with Fred and George. She won two. She then wolfed down dinner at the staff table, Remus being conspicuous only by his absence there. She half-wondered if he had forgotten about their meeting. But she pushed the thought from her mind and left as early as she dared, rushing the whole way to the Defence Against The Dark Arts room. She walked straight in and up the stairs, and rammed hard on Remus' office door.

"Come in!" his voice called, and she opened the door and marched in, only to be stopped in her tracks in shock. She looked around her bemusedly, as she took in the sight of the totally reformed office. Remus smiled at her from behind his desk.

"Ah, you're early," he said happily. "Excellent – the more we get done tonight, the better. We only have a little over three weeks until Halloween."

"Yeah … Remus, where's all your stuff gone?" For the stacks of books, assortment of papers and other clutter had vanished, and all that remained was a very old record player, the desk, two chairs and one small cupboard in the corner. He smiled pleasantly, although she caught a distinctly Marauderish gleam in his eye as he stood up.

"I thought we could use the extra space," he said mildly, and she narrowed her eyes.

"_Why_?"

"Well, I ran into Albus on his way down to dinner, and he mentioned a part of the night ought to include some formal dancing, as that is a Muggle tradition at events and parties. So I thought we could use some practice."

"You have got to be kidding me!" Tonks threw herself down in the nearest chair, all prepared to throw a full-on strop. She couldn't dance to save herself. But Remus merely continued to smile and leant against the wall, watching her. "I'm not doing it," she said, before he could comment. His smiled widened, and he tilted his head to one side, watching her in a thoughtful manner.

"Wimp."

"Excuse me??" She sat up perfectly straight, glaring at him, and the fact that he still looked perfectly at ease and … **amused**, just made her worse. "What did you say?!"

"I said, you're being a wimp, Nymphadora," he repeated, stepping around his desk and rummaging amongst a large pile of records stacked there. "You're afraid."

"What exactly am I supposed to be afraid of – getting my feet stood on? And it's Tonks!" she snapped, thoroughly annoyed now. He just smiled and pulled out one of the shabbiest looking records of the lot, placing it on the player. He then offered her his hand.

"Dora," he amended. "If it makes you feel at all better, I happen to be a supremely gifted dancer, and I will sweep you – literally – off your feet. And it's just for fun. Just us – nobody to know if we make fools of ourselves." He waggled his eyebrows, and Tonks laughed, although she wished a second later she hadn't. Her huff had lasted all of two minutes, if that.

"You're a git," she muttered half-heartedly, as she took his outstretched hand and allowed him to pull her to her feet. He grinned boyishly.

"And glad to hear it," he smiled. "Come on – do you know how to waltz?"

"Do I look like the formal dancing type?" she asked, one eyebrow raised, and Remus chuckled. She wasn't sure if that was a yes or a no, but she forgot to wonder as his hand slid around her waist, pulling her close. She inhaled sharply.

"All right?" he murmured in her ear, his breath warm on her skin. She nodded and swallowed – if she tried to speak, she thought she might be sick. Which was ridiculous – she had no reason to be this nervous. "Okay, now take my other hand … good, and put your other hand up on my shoulder."

"Like this?" Tonks stiffly positioned her hand just above his collarbone, barely allowing her skin to touch him. He laughed softly.

"Try this …" His voice was husky as he released her hip, placed his hand over hers, and brought it up over his shoulder to where his neck joined his shoulder, and slowly she felt her fingers being curled around to rest at the nape of his neck. "Better?" he asked. She nodded again, looking determinedly at a point on the wall behind him, even though she could feel his gaze searching for her own.

"Much," she said hoarsely, hoping speaking would somehow show him that he didn't need to stare at her. A moment later, he seemed to become aware that he was still holding her hand in place, and his own was hurriedly replaced on her waist. As if that made her much less uncomfortable, she thought wryly, trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach.

"Now, I'm going to lead," he told her, and she thought his voice got quieter every time he opened his mouth. "When I step forward with my right foot, step back with your left, okay?" Did he actually expect her to be able to concentrate on coordinating her feet with his when her brain and senses were so busy going into overdrive about being so close to him that she wasn't even sure she would be able to move her feet to begin with? Evidently, he did, as he took a step forward and bumped right into her.

"Oh! Sorry …" Tonks felt her face heat up, but Remus smiled kindly.

"Not to worry," he told her gently. "Let's try again. Step back with your left foot … now." And much to her surprise – and, she suspected, his, although he didn't say as much – she actually managed to do so, and neither of them fell. She let out a squeal of delight.

"I did it!" She then glanced up at him, wondering if he found her enthusiasm childish and strange – which she supposed it was – but found him grinning at her, seeming pleased.

"Well done!" he told her, looking far too deep into her eyes. Why did he have to be so alluring? Just the way he looked at her was special – like she was the only other person in the world. Or sometimes like he wanted her to be … she couldn't explain it. She just felt like things always made less sense around him; logical thought went out the window, and all that was left was just … feeling. And it was pretty intense. She smiled dreamily into his eyes.

"Thanks … so what's next?"

"I thought you didn't want to dance?"

"I don't, but if we're going to have dancing at the party then now's as good a time as any to learn, I figure. So are you going to teach me to waltz or just stand around waiting for an opportunity to feel me up?" Remus' eyes glittered.

"You're better not leaving that decision up to me."

Tonks smiled shyly, hoping he wouldn't notice her blushing. Deciding she'd better not answer him, she instead made some kind of head motion, supposed to indicate they would carry on dancing. Thankfully, he took the hint. And it took them several hours – it was after ten before Remus seemed happy that Tonks had mastered the waltz, the foxtrot and the tango. She collapsed into a chair, her feet aching, and he laughed and waved his wand. Two steaming mugs of coffee materialised there, and she grabbed hers, taking a very long drink, even though it burnt her tongue.

"Ah! Coffee!" she gushed happily, as Remus resumed his position leaning against the wall and watching her. "It's so bad for me, so naturally, I absolutely love it!"

"Naturally," he chortled. "So, **Nymphadora**, do you love everything that's bad for you?"

"Most things," she grinned, "and don't call me Nymphadora," she added, pretending to scowl. She still hated her name, just not quite so much when he said it. He smiled, straightening up and crossing the room. He knelt down in front of her, and her heart began to pound in her chest.

"Is that so?" he asked softly, setting his mug down on the desk beside him. She gulped and nodded – she _definitely_ couldn't speak now. Remus watched her for a couple of moments, his face reddening ever so slightly, his eyes never leaving her face. "So, um, I guess we should … well, I mean … that is to say, we ought to … uh …"

Exactly what they should do, she never found out. He seemed to give up on finding the right words after a moment, and instead, she felt his mouth covering her own. His lips were soft and warm – and, oh Merlin, so unbelievably tender – against hers. One of his hands moved up and cupped her face just around her jaw and chin, and the other rested uncertainly on her knee. For a few short, but wonderful seconds, he kissed her – kissed her in a way she'd never been kissed before: as though he were doing it to convey his affection for her, and not just because of some sort of primal male desire. He kissed her as though she were the only one he wanted to kiss this way, and as though by doing so, he could pour into her his heart and soul. And it was incredible.

Remus seemed to hesitate after a short time, perhaps realising what he was doing, and his lips drew away from her with agonizing slowness. But they had barely left hers when she slid a hand around his neck and pulled him back, pressing her lips back onto his eagerly. For a split-second, he seemed to be stunned, and then they both sank into this kiss, giving everything they had over to the other. Her hand found and toyed with the hair at the nape of his neck, then travelled up and tangled in his brown and grey-streaked mop, and her other caressed his face. He used one of his hands to hold her face close to him, and his other rubbed her knee and a little way up her thigh. She bit down on his bottom lip, and a second later, felt his tongue running in loose circles over her lips. For just an instant, she pulled away, needing to breathe, and check this was real.

Their eyes met in that brief moment, and he looked so adorably nervous crouched there, watching her to see why she had pulled away, that she couldn't help herself. She lowered herself quickly onto the floor and kissed him again, opening her mouth to him the second their lips met. As they kissed more passionately; his tongue exploring her mouth keenly; their arms wrapped around one another tightly, drawing them together in a kind of frenzied embrace. Tonks slid her arms around his neck, holding him close to her, and a low moan escaped her against his lips as his hands trailed down her back, tingling all the way down her spine.

"Yes, this is Remus' office here …"

In that second, Tonks felt Remus' arms drop just as hers did the same, and simultaneously; they jumped to their feet, like a pair of teenagers caught by their parents. Tonks threw herself back into her chair at the exact moment the door opened, and Dumbledore stuck his head in, smiling pleasantly.

"Ah, Tonks!" he said, seeming delighted. "I assume you two are working hard?"

"Hardly working, sir," she replied, not meeting Remus' eyes. The Headmaster laughed softly, and stepped inside, opening the door wider behind him.

"Well, time for a break," he smiled. "Remus, you will never believe who I discovered when I went to the Hog's Head for a quiet drink this evening."

"Who might that be?" Remus asked quietly, sounding totally relaxed. It was as though nothing had happened, Tonks thought almost angrily. Didn't it bother him that they had been interrupted?

"Remus!!" His eyes widened in shock, and Tonks was sure hers were doing something similar, as a beautiful woman swept into the room behind Dumbledore. She had long, perfectly straight hair, so dark brown it was almost black, and hazel eyes to match her tanned skin. "Remus, oh, my goodness, it **is** you!"

"Carolyn!" Remus sounded totally stunned as the tall woman threw herself into his arms, embracing him tightly and laughing loudly. "I don't understand – what were you doing in Hogsmeade; especially in the Hog's Head?"

"Work," she grinned. "I was working in the next village and popped through for a little trip down memory lane to our Hogwarts days, and I ran into Albus in the bar, so …"

"I absolutely insisted she come back to the castle," Dumbledore smiled. "Minerva and Pomona will be thrilled to see you again, my dear Lady Carolyn. And once I told her you were here, Remus, she hesitated no more! I was a tad surprised to find you hadn't mentioned it yourself, actually."

"Yes, I would have been and gone and never known!" _Lady_ Carolyn chided Remus with a sickly girlish laugh. Tonks contemplated hexing her. What made her a _Lady_ anyway?

"Well, you were gone on business – and it was very last minute," Remus explained quickly, and Tonks felt a surge of anger when she saw the grin that was spreading over his face now. "Merlin, I can't believe you're here, Carolyn! You look wonderful."

"And so do you! Especially considering full moon was only two nights ago – what's the new trick, Remus?"

"I can't believe you remember when the full moon is," was all Remus said in response, still not looking Tonks in the eye. She felt tears threatening to escape her eyelids, and knew she had to get out of there. How **could** he??

"Of course I do," said Carolyn in a hushed tone, looking at Remus with concern and what Tonks could only describe as love. "I always sit up until the moon goes down. Force of habit, I suppose, after so long sitting up waiting to make sure you were all right."

This was too much. Tonks blinked back the tears furiously, and stood up from her chair, attracting the attention of everyone else in the room.

"Sorry to interrupt," she said in the coldest tone she could muster, hoping Remus could tell fine well she was perfectly happy to interrupt. But he just smiled at her, as though he didn't even realise! _Bastard_. "But I think I'd better head off for tonight – I didn't realise how late we'd worked, Remus … we can make some more plans another night."

"Certainly," he said, a glint in his eye. How could he be so cold? She really would have slapped him, had Dumbledore not spoken just then.

"I think I will walk out with you, Tonks," he said, smiling. "I'll leave you two to catch up. Remus, make sure she joins us for dinner at least once before she leaves the village again, won't you?"

"Absolutely," Remus grinned, and _Lady_ Carolyn rolled her eyes in response.

"Excellent. Goodnight, Remus; Lady Carolyn." Dumbledore bowed to the woman, who smiled widely, and he turned and left. Tonks cleared her throat uncomfortably.

"Nice to meet you … night, Remus," she mumbled, making her exit as quickly as she could. She met Dumbledore outside and they left the classroom together, with him insisting he would walk her to Gryffindor Tower.

"Lady Carolyn seems nice," Tonks said offhandedly as they walked. Dumbledore glanced at her sideways, and she had the familiar unsettling sensation that he knew there was far more in her words than she was saying. However, whatever he suspected, he kept to himself, and he smiled pleasantly.

"Indeed, she is a wonderful woman," he agreed. "A remarkably kind soul … I know she has been invaluable in Remus' life. She is one of the few people in his life who never judged him based on his condition, Tonks. Even his own parents did, to an extent, and although Remus will pretend it doesn't bother him, it does. He does not love easily, and having Lady Carolyn around to love and be loved by all these long years, it really has done wonders for him. Especially since his friends and his parents died."

"Hmm," Tonks agreed quietly. Great. She was competing with Mother bloody Teresa.

"Well, here we are!" Dumbledore said cheerfully, stopping next to the portrait of the Fat Lady and waving his hand at it, so that it swung forward. "Thank you for the pleasure of your company, Miss Tonks, and I shall no doubt see you at breakfast. Sleep well."

"Goodnight, sir," Tonks said, forcing a smile. She turned and made her way through the common room, not even paying attention to the small groups of students still up and watching her cross. She somehow managed to hold it in until she got to the third year dormitory, exchanged pleasantries with Hermione, Lavender and Parvati, her roommates, and changed into her pyjamas and climbed into bed – but once there, she drew the curtains around herself; performed a quick _Silencio_ on herself; laid her head down on the soft feather pillows; and cried herself to sleep.

* * *

**A/N:** Thanks once again to everyone who's read this - I know, I know, you're all sitting going: WTF?? How can she do this to us? but I'm sorry! I go where the muses take me, and the muses love angst ... besides, I can't write pure fluff forever, so this will make the fic longer :P  
Don't hate me!! (This means YOU Farah and Belle!!!)  
I promise cookies in exchange for forgiveness - the muses are mean, I am not :P

Thanks again!!

Alli xoxo


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **- whistles innocently – Yup, I still write for which in itself I think is a pretty succinct summary of what's going on here. I have no rights to anything, cause I own squat. Well, technically, I do own stuff, lots of nice stuff I happen to like, but I never really considered writing a fanfiction about shoes and earrings … then again, I really am a fan of shoes and earrings, so you never know! But for now, I just do a little borrowing and mucking around with the possessions of one JK Rowling. You've heard of her? Oh good. No bio necessary then. Excellent.

**A/N:** Woah! Okay, here we go lol!  
_pigie:_ I'm really glad you like my idea :D And the angst is all part of the plot  
_hArDy:_ I feel honoured lol :D And I'm pleased you took the time to read  
_albuseverus:_ Sorry lol! I'm not a fair person :P Don't worry, no intentions of ending early – and Howlers are mean:O Hehe so I'm not the only broom closet fan? Cool ;)  
_Farah:_ LAZY!!!!!!!!!!! LOL yes, I know you hate me –sigh- it's all part of my masterplan, honest!! Although I doubt you'll forgive me til the fluff kicks in, whenever that may be. Even so, thanks for reading and enjoying the kiss :D And this chapter was the slowest yet, go figure :P  
_Kate:_ Lol sorry!! As I've said, the muses are angsty, and we need more plot :P And yes it does make the fic longer :D  
_ladirambaldi:_ I apologise for making you squee :P Should I be honoured? And you won't regret sticking with this one, don't worry:D  
_giftedfred:_ Hehe banter is such a Scottish word!! (Sorry, getting a lil patriotically insane here!) But yes, fine, Alli is evil, etc etc :P  
_Belle:_ It IS the muses :O And I know you would, too I'll bear that in mind when writing!! Glad you liked :D  
_LotrNaustenfan:_ Thanks loads for reading, and yes, angst is good! Finally:D Someone who isn't threatening to disown me :P

Seriously, thanks soooo much to everyone who reviewed and/or added me to their Alerts list – I never expected such a response! Y'all rock!!

Also, just want to apologise - it wasn't THAT long between updates, but longer than usual, because I'm back at school. It might remain like this, slightly longer gaps between chapters, but I'll keep at it, so don't give up on me just yet please:)

Now, have a chapter after all my rambling lol :D

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Tonks' dreams were plagued with visions of _Lady Carolyn_ with Remus – Tonks running into them in Hogsmeade; the two of them in his office laughing together; and every so often, the actual event of Lady Carolyn walking in and ruining **everything**. It was the worst night's sleep Tonks had had for a long time, and she was grateful to finally wake up. A quick glance at the bedside clock showed her it was around seven – time to get ready for breakfast. Joy.

"Morning!" Ugh. For a Muggle-born, Hermione Granger really did have no concept of sleeping in. "Tonks? Tonks, are you awake? Tonks!"

_Yes_! She groaned inwardly and grabbed her wand, removing the Silencing Charm she had cast the night before, and then sat up in bed, waving her wand lazily so that the curtains around her four-poster flew open.

"Morning, Hermione," she said, feigning brightness. The girl frowned at her.

"Tonks, have you been **crying**?"

"What? Me? Of course not! No, I just had a rough night – didn't sleep very well," Tonks lied quickly, morphing her face back to normal. Hermione nodded sympathetically.

"I heard you tossing and turning," she said knowingly. "Bad dreams?"

"Something like that," Tonks muttered, not meeting the younger girl's eye. She was used to her privacy, and with Hermione being sharper than most thirteen-year-olds, she worried that it might be difficult to conceal the true cause of her bad night for much longer.

"Well, I think I'll go meet Harry and Ron …" Sure enough, she sounded suspicious. "We'll wait for you in the common room."

"Uh, no, that's okay," Tonks said quickly. "I have a couple of … errands, I have to run this morning. I'll meet you in class as quickly as I can get back, but I don't think I'll make it to breakfast. You should, uh, you should just go on down without me."

"If you're sure …"

"Positive." Hermione raised her eyebrows, but left, and Tonks sighed heavily. She just couldn't face going to breakfast with them – having to go and sit by Remus, and talk about what had happened. Or even worse, face him trying to pretend nothing **had** happened. No, she wasn't strong enough for that, not yet. She needed to get out of the castle, at least for an hour or two.

A quick shower and some severe morphing later, Tonks wandered out of the Hogwarts gates and made her way into Hogsmeade. She had spent ages wondering how to do her hair – jet black with black eyes to show him he was angry, her usual bright orange or pink to show indifference, or some other normal, shiny colour to show him what he was missing? Eventually, she settled on pink – aside from trying to show Remus she didn't care; she didn't need him (_Yes you do_, her inner voice told her, but she ignored it); pink always made **her** feel better. And that was more important right now.

"Hello-o!" Tonks turned around sharply, wand drawn and ready, and saw Lady Carolyn jump in fright. She lowered her wand and her eyes, dreading the upcoming conversation, as Carolyn hurried over with her heels clip-clopping on the cobblestones and came to a quick halt before her. "You're Tonks, aren't you?" the woman asked.

"Yes." Why make it any easier for her?

"You're Remus' friend – I'm Carolyn, we met last night?"

"Oh, of course – hi." As if she could forget, Tonks thought bitterly. She wondered if the woman knew just how much she could hurt someone with just one word: friend. _You're Remus' friend_. Yeah, that was her all right – a great _friend_ of his. Git.

"Where are you off to this early in the morning?" Bright and bubbly. No wonder she managed to make Remus grin. Not that Tonks wasn't bright and bubbly. She was. She was also a Metamorphosing _freak_ with mad hair about ninety percent of the time and no sense of balance or tact. But bubbly, she could do. If only that were all Lady Carolyn had going for her, Tonks might have been a match. She suspected there was more.

"Oh, I, uh … I thought I'd better check in at work." It wasn't a lie. Not really. She had entertained the possibility … then ruled it out in favour of breakfast at the Three Broomsticks. But she did think it was something she should do. So no lies.

"Of course! Remus told me you're an Auror." Had he now? She wondered what else Remus had bothered to mention about her. "Said you're brilliant." At what? Her job or at kissing him? "Said nobody's been accepted into the training programme since your year." True, but none of _Lady Carolyn_'s damn business. "He really does think extremely highly of you, you know, Dora." _Dora? DORA?? _Oh, that son of a bitch …

"It's Tonks," she said coolly. "Remus knows I hate my first name – everybody's called me Tonks for as long as I can remember." Carolyn smiled brightly at her. Damn. She seemed so nice. Likeable. Tonks didn't **want** to like her. She wanted to hate her. Resent her. Even envy her, a little. But not like.

"He did mention that," Lady Carolyn commented, still smiling. _Oh, he did, did he??_ "He also said he hated calling you by your last name." This, she hadn't heard. Tonks looked up at the other woman, quite stunned.

"Did he say … did he mention why?" she asked, hoping she sounded nonchalant.

"I think he just thought your real name was far too pretty to be wasted." Tonks forced herself to roll her eyes, but it was a half-hearted attempt at best. It wasn't something to scoff at. Nobody liked her name – even she hated it. But Remus liked it. And she didn't mind it too much when he said it, either.

"He needs his head examined," she joked weakly, and Carolyn laughed heartily.

"I've been saying the same thing for years," she grinned. "How about breakfast before you go to work? I was going to go to the castle and surprise Remus, but I don't fancy having the whole Great Hall watching me! Maybe we could get to know one another better?"

"Uh …" The last thing Tonks wanted was to get to know Lady Carolyn better. She stood between Tonks and the one thing she now realised she really wanted.

"I know it would mean a lot to Remus." Damn. Caught like a fly in a web.

"That sounds lovely!" And so they made their way to the Three Broomsticks in what Tonks tried to make a comfortable silence. It didn't sound lovely to her. It sounded like a living hell. She'd left the castle to avoid Remus, but right now, she thought she'd take that confrontation five times over, in front of the whole school. But no. She was having breakfast with the other woman. Only she could be **this** unlucky. Typical.

"Morning, Tonks!" Rosmerta called cheerily, glancing out from the kitchen as the two slightly windswept women entered the bar/restaurant.

"Hi, Rosmerta." It was surprising Rosmerta remembered her after all these years. Then again, she had spent enough time during her Hogwarts days in here impersonating all manner of adults in order to try out all known existing brands of Firewhiskey. Didn't even get caught until she attempted McGonnagall. _Ah, good times_.

"Two breakfasts?" the barmaid asked, looking from Tonks to Lady Carolyn and trying – and failing – to hide her curiosity.

"Yes, please," Lady Carolyn said imperiously, sitting down. "And some pumpkin juice, too, when you get a moment. Now!" She turned back to Tonks. "How are you?"

"Uh, fine, thanks. You?"

"Wonderful, naturally. I just love being back in Hogsmeade … and I haven't seen Remus for months, literally! So of course I'm thrilled to be here. He … he mentioned you were with him the morning after the full moon?"

"Oh!" Tonks fought to keep the blush from her face. "Yeah, I … I realised when he wasn't in class, and I was pretty concerned for him. I just wanted to make sure he was okay, and not going through it all by himself. We've become good … friends." The word tasted bitter in her mouth.

"I appreciate it," Carolyn said with that sickly smile. "He always speaks so highly of you. I can see he cares for you, you know. I hope you understand what that means."

"What it means?" Tonks repeated, keeping her voice cool.

"Oh, nothing like that, dear!" the other woman hastened to add. _Dear_?? Oh, she really didn't know when to stop. "Just that … well, Remus has been hurt and betrayed a lot in his life, and it's affected him far more deeply than you might think. He doesn't need to be let down by another person in his life, Tonks. That's all I'm saying."

"With all due respect, what makes you think I was going to let him down?"

"Oh, please, don't take it the wrong way …" Lady Carolyn looked apprehensive, perhaps due to the fact that Tonks' knuckles were whitening over the end of her wand. "It's just that, Remus has lost a lot of friends, Tonks. And he doesn't trust easily. If he has trusted you, I just want you to understand that it's a big deal for him. Don't take his friendship lightly, because you can rest assured, he won't."

"His friendship is very important to me." Tonks struggled to remain calm, but Lady Carolyn looked relieved, and smiled gently.

"I had to check … I'm sorry. But I had to be sure." She smiled wider and sat back, observing Tonks closely. "But now I am. You were angry just there – don't try to deny it: I saw it. It's okay. It shows you resent any implication you might not care for him. It proves to me that you **do** care. So let's just move on … I can't believe you're an Auror. No offence, or anything, I just always thought women – well, women like me, anyway – wouldn't have the stomach for it. But I envy you. It must be exciting."

"It has its moments." Could this woman perhaps use a shovel to help her with this hole she was digging for herself?

"I'll bet. So … do you know, um, Kingsley Shacklebolt, by any chance?"

"Kingsley? Sure I do." Tonks sat up a little straighter in her chair. This was about to get interesting – Lady Carolyn's cheeks had reddened, and she was fidgeting; avoiding eye contact. Suspicious indeed. "He's an inspiration. How do you know him?"

"Oh, well, I don't, really …" Nervous stammering. "We were at school together is all."

"Really? I didn't know Remus and Kingsley were the same age!" Tonks was genuinely surprised – Kingsley had never mentioned knowing Sirius at school.

"Well, Remus was three years above us … but Kingsley was in my year, same house and everything. We were in most of the same classes for years; it really was lovely. He was a good friend to me back then."

"I'll bet he was," Tonks muttered. _Bugger_. Hadn't meant to say that part out loud. She had of course been referring to the widely publicised rumours that Kingsley Shacklebolt, behind closed doors, was something of a ladies' man. But obviously, that wasn't a rumour she was about to share with her love rival. _Love_ rival? Was it _love_? Oh, Merlin knew …

"He was." Thankfully, Carolyn didn't seem to notice a thing. "When you see him, do tell him I was asking after him, won't you?"

"Sure … in fact, I'd really better be going," she said, getting to her feet and arranging her features in what she hoped looked like an apologetic expression. "I really did have errands to run earlier, you see – but breakfast was lovely. It was good to get a chance to speak to you properly. Get to know you." _Lies_. She thought the woman was a snob and a total pain. What on earth did Remus see in her?

_Well_, said the irritating inner voice, _it could have something to do with the fact she's extremely beautiful. _Tonks could be beautiful if she wanted. _And well travelled._ She'd been around her fair share of interesting places too. _Intelligent_. Tonks was an Auror! _She's also got class and culture and is exactly like him_. Oh, yeah. That.

"It was lovely to see you again, dear!" Where had this whole **dear** thing come from, anyway?! They were only, what? Five years apart? "Let me get this …"

"Oh, no, that's not necessary."

"Oh, but I insist!"

"No. Thank you, but no." Tonks placed some money on the table firmly. _Bitch_.

"Oh … well, no doubt I shall see you around the castle, then!" Lady Carolyn made a show of kissing Tonks on both cheeks and plastering a false smile on her face. "It really would be wonderful to be friends – Remus would be so pleased, I know it."

"I agree." Tonks smiled just as falsely and took a few subtle steps backwards. "Thanks again for convincing me to have breakfast. I'll see you soon." She was out the door before she had to listen to the reply.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Tonks! What are you –?"

"The kids are in class, I asked one of the professors to keep an eye on them in between times," Tonks explained quickly. "Nice to see you too, Shacklebolt."

"Sorry," Kingsley said, grinning apologetically. "Just didn't expect to see you in here for a while, is all. How's undercover life treating you?"

"Brilliantly." She rummaged in her desk drawer, still looking over her cubicle wall at Kingsley. She was sure there was a chocolate frog in here somewhere. "How about the wonderful world of the Ministry?"

"Equally enthralling," he replied dryly.

"Anything big happening? I wanted to ask in my owls, but I know you can't send the info on the off chance anybody's reading the mail."

"Ah, so the real reason you slipped off-duty was to come scrounging for the latest juicy office gossip, is that what you're telling me?" Shacklebolt teased, his eyes fixed on the file he'd just lifted from Tonks' shelf and opened randomly. "Can I borrow this?"

"Knock yourself out – literally, if you're going to keep making jokes like that," Tonks added scathingly, and he smiled good-naturedly.

"Thanks … well, I'm afraid nothing more has really been happening than what you see in the _Prophet_ every day. Hysterical witches and wizards all over the country deluding themselves into believing Sirius Black is lurking behind their garden shed. Some of them really are unbelievably moronic – others probably just like the fame and the money the _Prophet_'s paying them for their stories. And of course, it's down to yours truly to investigate every last goddamned one of them."

"Ah. The exciting life of Kingsley Shacklebolt, Auror _extraordinaire_," Tonks joked, grinning. "And speaking of said riveting existence, I ran into an old friend of yours this morning."

"Who might that be, then?"

"Lady Carolyn, says to tell you hello." The reaction was more than satisfying, as he choked on his mouthful of coffee, spraying the stolen file with the stuff, and his face reddened; bulging eyes stared at Tonks in disbelief.

"_Carolyn_??" he repeated in an astounded tone of voice. "As in, from my year at Hogwarts? What, uh … what did she tell you – how did you two meet?"

"Evidently Dumbledore ran into her in the Hog's Head last night and decided to bring her up to the castle to visit Remus."

"Ah, of course …" Much to Tonks' disappointment, Kingsley seemed to take this information quite in his stride. Had they been together a long time, then? "What did she say about me?"

"Nothing much. She'd heard from Remus I was an Auror and knew you, and mentioned you'd been friends at school. Said to say she was asking for you. Why?"

"No reason," Kingsley said, a little too quickly. "So I can imagine Remus was thrilled to see her again … I know she travels a lot for work, although I haven't the faintest idea what she actually does. Something to do with Muggle Relations, I believe. Anyway I expect they don't see each other very often these days, which is a shame. They've always been incredibly close, those two."

"So I gather." Coming here had been a plan to escape Lady Carolyn, not to have her fabulous qualities and relationship with Remus thrown in her face. "Shall I tell her you were asking after her as well, then?"

"You'll see her again?"

"I expect so." Not something she particularly wanted to think about right now. "I'll pass on your message, or whatever you want to call it. Now, I'd better get back …"

"Sure." Kingsley nodded briefly, and then Tonks was sure he actually **blushed**. "Mind you don't mention Carolyn and me in the same sentence in front of Remus, though. He doesn't exactly think too highly of me in that respect. Can't say as I blame him. He'd do anything for her – trust me on that one. If there's one thing we can say about him, I'd wager he's not a suspect. He's far too loyal."

"Loyal to who, though?" Tonks asked, her heart sinking. "Sirius Black?"

"James Potter," Kingsley corrected. "If I learned one thing about Remus Lupin at school, it was that his friends meant more to him than anything. **But**, he wouldn't stand for betrayal, not even by his friends. He'd stick by the one who had been betrayed every time, because he's just too loyal to condone anything else. I don't believe he'd ever turn his back on Potter and his wife, not after they gave their lives for the same cause he fought so hard for – especially not to side with a traitor like Black."

"Well that's good to know." It was better than that. All along, Tonks had had the mildest of nagging doubts at the back of her mind about Remus. She hated herself for it, but she had to wonder at times – despite how determined Remus had been not to take Sirius' side, could he possibly still be his friend? But this was promising.

"I'll be in touch soon, Tonks."

"See you, Shacklebolt."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Dora! Dora!" She groaned inwardly. She had sort of hoped she wouldn't run into Remus before dinner, by which time she might be prepared to pretend nothing had happened, but he was the first person she saw upon her return to the castle. Typical. "Dora!"

"Remus." She turned to face him and waited patiently as he caught up with her at the top of the first flight of stairs from the Entrance Hall. "What can I do for you?"

"Dora …" He looked tired. "I'm sorry about Carolyn turning up last night. I honestly didn't expect to see her here, not at all. She never said she'd be travelling anywhere near the area – last time we spoke she was working up in Scotland, in Inverairie. She didn't even know I was going to be here, and –"

"Remus!" He looked at her expectantly. "I don't know why you think you have to explain yourself to me. She's here, you're here, it's a surprise. It's not rocket science."

"Yes, I know …" Remus faltered. Inside of her, she felt a tiny squirm in her stomach – she didn't like making him feel bad. But then again, he deserved it. "I just thought I owed you an explanation, is all … evidently I was mistaken, is that it?"

"That's right," Tonks said simply, forcing herself to keep her tone steady, despite the fact that she hates herself right now. "You don't owe me anything, and never did."

"Oh." Damn it, this wasn't _fair_! He bloody well did owe her an explanation – but more than that, she just wanted him to tell her he wanted to be with her! But that didn't look like happening any time soon. "Good, I'm glad we cleared that up. We're both on the same page now." Or any time ever. "So, about … about the – ahem – kissing, Dora …"

"Oh, I wanted to talk to you about that. It was obviously just one of those weird moments where we were close after all the dancing, and we'd been getting along well, and … I don't know; it was just a stupid mistake. And, you know, it was just a kiss. No big deal, right? I mean, it's not like it's ever going to happen again, and nobody has to know. Just some kind of freak incident. And something I wouldn't like to ruin our friendship over, if that's at all possible. You know how important that is to me."

"Right … in that case, I'll see you tonight at dinner." Suddenly, Remus seemed distant – after all her efforts to retain some form of friendship when he clearly didn't want to be anything more, she was still watching him slip away. Her heart ached – she wanted to take him into her arms; tell her she just wanted to be with him; she wanted to be the one who waited up with the moon to make sure he was okay, not just once whenever chance and fate made it that way, but every month without fail. She wanted to love him. And she wanted him to know that she wanted to love him, but there was no way of telling him.

"Sure, dinner," she heard herself say vaguely, and a moment later he was gone. Just like that. Out of her sight … and she had a horrible sickening jolt in her stomach when the thought hit her: out of her reach.

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**A/N:** Well, I can picture you all plotting to kill me for not making it all better. I'm sorry, but the muses were feeling low, and y'know, you'd all kill me if it was all fluff over in like 3 chapters anyway :P Thanks if you read this far :D

Alli xoxo


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **I own Iago. Not the name … but in the context of this fic I do. I own Lady Carolyn too, but I think my readers rather wish I didn't … and I believe Belle has pie somewhere, too. Personally, I'd trade with JKR any day, but she hasn't been answering my emails. Gutted.

**A/N: **-head spins- People!

_giftedfred: _Lol thank you:D Hehe well define "too evil" ……  
_pigie_: Tonks is an upset liar, yes :( And thanks! Angst is necessary ;)  
_coolteen:_ Thank you for taking the time to read:D  
_ladirambaldi:_ I like the angelic side. –keeps golf club by bed in case evil side resurfaces in middle of night- I hurried, I hurried!!  
_Kate:_ The muses do their own thing ;) Does he? –angelic smile-  
_SR:_ Lol thank you:D Hope you enjoy the whole fic :D  
_Belle:_ LOL you do amuse me :P Tonks is in your brain? So that means you know what's going to happen and I don't need to update again? Yes?  
_Mirwen:_ Lol well that would certainly make it a longggggggggg fic! But I'll see how inspired I feel once PoA is out of the way ;) But rest assured, if I don't continue this one after PoA then I'll certainly write another one :D Glad you think I'm doing okay :)  
_Farah:_ Meh, work or Nymphus … hmm … hard one :P Well here's chapter 9 now :D And you'll have to decide at some point what you think of her :P

Wow what a lot of awesome reviewers!!! –passes out cookies- You guys make me sooo happy to know I'm getting the point across :D Love to y'all :D

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_Tonks,_

_Thanks for dropping by earlier – that file proved to be just what I was looking for. And I hope you got back into the castle without too much trouble. I presume your charge was all right while you were out?_

_Anyway, just keeping in touch as assured, and I hope everyone else within the castle is doing well, also? _

_Kingsley._

Tonks chortled to herself as she fumbled in her robes pockets for a quill to respond to Kingsley's late-night owl. Well, all right, nine pm, to be exact. Clearly he'd had quite enough of waiting to hear from her and couldn't hold out until the morning. The Gryffindor common room was unusually quiet. Harry and Ron were sitting with the twins at a table a few feet away; Hermione and Ginny at the same one as Tonks, eyeing her suspiciously as she laughed at a 'letter from her mother.' Hermione offered her a quill.

"Cheers, Hermione."

_Kingsley,_

_You're a hopeless liar. I haven't seen Lady Carolyn yet, but I'll tell her you've been asking after her every chance you get. Would you prefer me to mention the stalking or not?_

_Tonks._

"You sure do get a lot of mail from your mother for a trained Auror," Hermione observed as the owl flew off. Tonks glanced up at her, wondering if the girl suspected more than she was letting on, but the thirteen-year-old hadn't lifted her eyes from the Ancient Runes essay she had been slaving over for the past hour. Tonks shrugged, hoping to appear indifferent.

"She worries," she said – that part at least was true. "In my line of work, I can be pushing papers for months then out one day battling Azkaban escapees. Or being chased or held hostage by Dark Wizards of all varieties. It eases her mind to keep in constant contact with me – she likes to know I'm still alive."

"Oh …" Hermione seemed suitably abashed by this, and she and Ginny exchanged an uncomfortable look. Good. Curiosity killed the cat, after all. Tonks had often wondered lately if there were other, unnoticeable ways to kill a cat. More specifically, Hermione's cat, Crookshanks. The thing was a beast! A menace to society. Privately, she concurred heartily with Ron's frequent comments about it being thoroughly un-catlike.

"Tonks. Owl for you," Harry called, pointing at the window. Tonks rolled her eyes and grabbed the scroll from Iago's leg. She was becoming somewhat fond of Kingsley's tawny owl these days – he was rather magnificent. _Kingly_, she thought, chuckling inwardly at her own terrible pun.

_Tonks,_

_I've no idea how someone can manage to come across as smug in parchment, but congratulations, you've managed it. Another fine achievement to add to your list._

_Kingsley._

_PS. If I catch one hint that you've mentioned the word stalking to her, I'll hex you, and I'll enjoy it._

"Your mother again?" Hermione asked, this time sounding more sympathetic. Tonks merely nodded and smiled – a smile she didn't have to fake, considering the fact that Kingsley's letter made it difficult not to laugh.

_King,_

_Just another one of my many charming quirks – you'll get used to them. _

_Tonks._

_PS. Don't you trust me at ALL?_

"On you go, Iago …" The owl swooped out of the open window, and Tonks turned her attention towards Harry, Ron, and the twins. They were all hunched over a _Daily Prophet_ and the twins were deep in whispered conversation, while the other two listened and watched silently, probably too afraid of what they might let slip to join in.

"Well, Dufftown's not far –"

"You're paranoid, George!"

"It's not paranoia, you moron, Ron, it's a fact – Sirius Black is heading for Hogwarts."

"Why would he come to the place Dumbledore is?"

"I dunno – I'm not a mass murderer, am I?!"

"Anything interesting in there?" Tonks asked, deciding things had gone far enough. She bent over the paper, and rolled her eyes. "Honestly. You know every fame-seeker in the country's going to claim a Black sighting before the year's out, don't you? And it doesn't help matters that the _Prophet_'s paying out thirty Galleons a pop."

"Thirty Galleons for a reported sighting?!" George asked, agape.

"Yup." Tonks nodded, her face grim. Despite all the taunting and laughing at his expense, she really didn't envy Kingsley his job of investigating these reports. Poor git.

"Wonder if we could convince them we'd seen him?" Fred muttered to his twin, and George snickered. Tonks threw them both a warning look, but the effect was somewhat ruined by the grin that crept over her face at the thought of bringing in the Weasley twins for questioning about false reports. It would be worth it for sheer entertainment value alone.

"Tonks, your mother's owl's back!" Hermione called in a singsong voice, sounding almost as though she wanted to make up for her nosiness earlier. Tonks grinned – she did miss the exchange of banter with Kingsley.

_Tonks,_

_Remind me to file for early retirement. And don't call me King, __**Nymphadora**_

_Kingsley._

_PS. You know I don't._

Git. Tonks sighed and grabbed yet another roll of parchment.

_Kingsley,_

_You're a git. And you'll never get anywhere if you don't start having some faith in your colleagues. I might have to tell Lady Carolyn about your trust and commitment issues …_

_T._

She sent the owl away feeling rather satisfied with herself. She loved winding up her boss. A glance at the clock told her it was now after ten. It really did eat into the evening, owling back and forth like this. It was worth it, though, for the contact with the outside world.

"I'm done!" Hermione announced, rolling up her parchment carefully and stowing it in her schoolbag. "And I'm going to bed – I'm exhausted."

"No wonder!" Ron exclaimed. "You're only taking about a million classes this year."

"Half a million," Hermione retorted. "Now I'm off to bed. Goodnight."

After Hermione had wandered up to bed, the others followed in fairly quick succession. Her announcement of tiredness seemed to be the trigger for everyone else's fatigue to kick in, and one by one they all felt the pull of the dormitories. Tonks had only just murmured a goodnight to Hermione, slipping under the covers in her pyjamas, when Iago appeared at the dormitory window. She waved her wand and the window flew open, and the owl appeared at her side. She untied the parchment wearily.

_Tonks,_

_Maybe I'm not the one with commitment issues. Noticed you've been referring to Professor Lupin as __**Remus**__ lately. How is he, anyway?_

_K._

She silently _Summoned _a quill and scribbled one single line on the back of the parchment, tied it to Iago's leg, and flopped back into bed as the bird took off, carrying her message to his owner.

_Sod off, Kingsley._

---------------------------------------------------------------

"Good morning, Ms Tonks."

"Morning, Professor." Tonks slid into her new preferred seat at the Staff table – at the opposite end to Remus, and next to Professors McGonnagall and Sinistra. At least she could be sure a conversation with them wouldn't lead to tears, screaming and cursing – both of the verbal and magical sorts.

"I've told you before, dear, call me Minerva," McGonnagall said, smiling encouragingly. Tonks also managed a faint smile.

"Sorry, Professor," she said. "Force of habit."

"Tonks!" She glanced up, and was forced to hastily replace a grimace with a false smile, as Lady Carolyn made her way along the table towards her, beaming widely. Remus was along at his usual seat, making a great show of **not** meeting Tonks' eye. Coward. "Tonks, how are you?"

"I'm fine – how about you?" Tonks asked pleasantly, standing up and exchanging air-cheek-kisses with Carolyn. The other woman smiled – if it was possible – even more widely.

"Fabulous!" she smirked. "Now, won't you come join us, Tonks?"

"Oh, no, I can't," the young Auror lied immediately, refusing to look at Remus. "I'm just grabbing some quick toast and then heading to the Quidditch pitch with Harry – he has team practice this morning." Thank Merlin it was a Saturday. "Besides, he'll want someone to keep him company today – it's a Hogsmeade weekend, and his aunt and uncle wouldn't sign his permission form. I think if I offer to fly with him and keep him occupied, it might be easier on him." That, she meant. She really did feel wretchedly sorry for Harry.

"Oh … you're such a doll, Tonks," Carolyn smiled. "So caring. But not to worry, not to worry – there will be other chances, no doubt. How about we go for drinks later tonight – nip into Hogsmeade, go out and let our hair down, just us girls?"

"Uh, let me get back to you on that, okay?" When the other woman nodded, Tonks grabbed a stack of toast and excused herself from the table. She kept her gaze fixed firmly on the floor as she passed Remus, feeling his eyes boring into her, and carried on through the Hall until she reached the Gryffindors. _House whore._ She sat down opposite Harry – _house whore_ – and grabbed some jam from the table to spread on her toast. _House whore house whore HOUSE WHORE_!

"Hey," Harry greeted her dully. Hermione and Ron exchanged worried glances over their own breakfast. Tonks smiled feebly.

"Chin up," she said. "You've got Quidditch practice this morning, remember? I can't wait to see you fly. Rumour has it you're as good as your dad."

"You knew my dad?" Harry looked up at her, surprised. Inwardly, Tonks was smacking herself in the head. Harry had no idea she had known James when he was younger; of her past connections with Remus – never mind her relationship to Sirius. She tried to smile but was afraid it came across as more of a grimace.

"Yeah, when I was young," she said. "My cousin was at school with him; they used to come baby-sit me sometimes. He'd bring his stolen Snitches along with him and they'd fly around the garden playing with them – after breaking into the broom shed to steal a couple, first, of course. Mum used to lock the brooms as far away from me as she could get them. Seemed to think I was too clumsy to fly."

At least this got a reaction, Tonks thought, grinning. Harry snorted into his cereal, Ron spat pumpkin juice all over the table, and even Hermione managed a smile.

"Nice, Tonks," Harry grinned. "I'd better go – Wood's going to kill me if I'm late to practice today, he's got a whole strategy worked out that he wants to go over with us. So that'll take a fair few hours!"

"Right then, off we go!"

"See you, Harry …" Ron called, and Harry waved vaguely over his shoulder. Tonks could tell he was still envious of the fact that his friends were off to Hogsmeade without him today. She couldn't say she blamed him. She did love the village.

"You know, you're not missing much," she said quietly as they made their way through the Entrance Hall and out into the grounds. He just looked at her. Neither of them was about to pretend not to know what the other was thinking. "I won't pretend Honeydukes' and Zonko's aren't a good laugh, but they're only a good laugh with your mates. And you can have a laugh with your mates right here. And for what it's worth, I thoroughly suspect Ron and Hermione will be utterly miserable without their best mate to enjoy it with."

"More like buffer," Harry muttered, but he looked much cheerier. "Thanks, Tonks. It's just so unfair that I have to miss out – I bet if it weren't for Black being after me, McGonnagall or someone would have signed my permission slip. Like it's **my** fault he's a nutter!"

"It sucks," Tonks agreed vehemently. "But it's seriously not all it's cracked up to be. I thought maybe we'd kill some time this afternoon playing Quidditch, anyway – after practice, I mean. If you want to fly around a bit."

"Yeah, that'd be awesome – are you any good?" He sounded truly grateful.

"Well, I was mates with Charlie Weasley at school, so it was kind of a prerequisite that I could hold my own on a broom," she snorted in response, and Harry grinned.

"Thanks, Tonks." She just nodded – she didn't want to get all sentimental on him. But the truth was, she would've taken him to Hogsmeade herself if she thought she could get away with it. No kid deserved to miss out on Hogsmeade trips – it was the only good thing about being thirteen at Hogwarts!

"Come on, Harry!" Oliver Wood called. Tonks grinned and rolled her eyes as Harry ran on ahead to change. She took a front row seat in the stands to watch him, every now and again taking a look around her for any signs of Sirius. Not that she expected him to show up, because she really didn't. But she wasn't back at Hogwarts just for the fun of it. Although a large part of her wished she was, and could relax and enjoy herself instead of constantly worrying about Harry's welfare.

"Morning," said a soft voice in her ear, causing Tonks to jump halfway out of her seat. She glowered angrily.

"Not funny, Remus," she muttered as he took the seat next to her without waiting to be invited. _Probably because he knew he wasn't going to be_. He smiled warmly, and she had an overwhelming desire to return it. _No! Stop it! No flirting_. But smiling wasn't really flirting, not if she kept it brief … so she smiled. Of course, he took that as his cue.

"It was funny," he told her smugly. Arrogant git. "You left breakfast in rather a hurry. Carolyn was worried she'd upset you." Was she supposed to give a damn if she'd upset _Lady Carolyn_, or something? Unlikely.

"She hadn't." Short, sweet answers. Maybe he'd take the hint and leave her alone. He nodded slightly, keeping his eyes upon her.

"I'm glad. She likes you a lot." _Does she hell_. "And she also asked me, if I saw you, to say she's sorry but she won't be able to make it tonight after all. Something's come up at work, so she won't be back in Hogsmeade until Halloween. She's got a lot on just now – but she is looking forward to our party."

"Great!" Even to her own ears, Tonks' voice sounded false. She hadn't exactly figured out how she was going to get out of the party as yet. "And no worries about tonight."

"Well, if you still want to head out, I see no reason why you and I shouldn't go for a drink together," Remus said mildly. Her head shot up. Was he seriously asking her out? Did he not realise that would be considered cheating? "After all, just because Carolyn is unavailable, we should still be allowed to have fun alone." Scumbag!

"I don't think so," was all Tonks said. "Sorry."

"Dora …"

"Tonks!" Harry ran over, breathless. "Practice is over." _Where had the time gone_?! "You want to grab one of the twins' brooms?"

"Sure." As Harry jogged towards the changing rooms to borrow a broom, Tonks got to her feet, inwardly thanking the boy. "Sorry, Remus – better go. I'll see you later on."

"All right …" She didn't let herself look back at the look on his face as she walked away from him. Was she deluding herself to think he would even care? Was she really so shallow? Oh, screw it. She took a look back over her shoulder … and he was gone. The stands were empty. Charming.

Somehow – although she wasn't sure how – Tonks managed to put Remus to the back of her mind, and enjoy her time with Harry. She bewitched the Snitch and the Quaffle to fly around the Quidditch pitch, and they had some kind of bizarre combination of Chasing and Seeking going on – sometimes against one another, at others playing for the same team. They would take turns playing Keeper, too, while the other practised scoring. Tonks' conclusion? Harry was a ridiculously good flier, for any age, and most especially for a thirteen-year-old. It was after four when they eventually began walking back to the castle.

"Well, Harry, I'll tell you something for nothing," Tonks said, morphing her hair into long black curls. "You could give Charlie Weasley a run for his money any day."

"Come off it! They said Charlie could've played for England!" Harry scoffed.

"And he could have. Don't be in any doubt that you're a great flier, Harry – honestly, you're terrific. I haven't seen anyone fly so well since your dad, and even then I think you might be pushing for the top slot."

"Thanks …" His face burned red, and Tonks just grinned. She wasn't lying, either – James had been good, and Charlie had style, but Harry had a natural confidence and ability on a broom that his father had had, but in smaller proportion. She was genuinely impressed, and secretly jealous of his talent.

"Hey!" Ron and Hermione caught them up, looking breathless, just inside the Entrance Hall. "We were looking for you, Harry!" Hermione looked nervously at Tonks, probably trying to get an idea of what Harry's mood was like. Tonks just smiled indifferently.

"Hey." Harry looked resolutely away from his friends.

"We brought you some samples from Honeydukes', mate," Ron said hopefully, holding out a bulging bag. "And I wanted to get you some stuff from Zonko's –"

"Ronald, those metal things were **dangerous**!"

" – But, well, I didn't get to," Ron finished, rolling his eyes. Harry chuckled, and Tonks grinned appreciatively. Ron and Hermione amused her no end.

"What's going on?" Hermione asked sharply. They had stopped on the stairs up to Gryffindor Tower, and there was a traffic jam, so to speak. Tonks morphed nice long legs and tried to take a peek, but even the added height wouldn't let her see what was the cause of the crowd.

"Neville probably forgot the password again," Ron said sagely.

"Hey!"

"Oh, sorry!" Tonks snorted at the indignant look on Neville's face, and how Ron wasn't even mildly abashed. Merlin, what she wouldn't give to be thirteen again. She suspected she would have been good friends with this lot if she were their age – and a Gryffindor.

"Everybody out of the way!" Suddenly Dumbledore was there. This wasn't funny any more. Tonks immediately began ushering students back against the banisters, creating a passage for the Headmaster and Filch to make their way upstairs. A moment later, they were followed by Snape and – her heart lurched – Remus. He shot her the briefest of glances, but she looked away the second he caught her eye. _Don't look at him_.

"Mr Filch, search every painting in the castle." She looked up at the sound of Dumbledore's voice, and the cause of the chaos became apparent. The portrait of the Fat Lady was now empty, its occupant probably having fled in fear; for the canvas had been slashed in at least four places. They looked like knife-marks. Tonks swallowed anxiously – this was very far from being funny. "We need to find the Fat Lady." She doubted any of the students heard the panic in his voice, but she did. Dumbledore was frightened.

"There's no need," Filch said smarmily. "The Fat Lady's there." He pointed, and Tonks instinctively cast a barrier around the students. Dumbledore tipped her the tiniest of winks as he, Filch, Snape, Remus and finally Tonks herself hurried up to the portrait in which the Fat Lady was taking refuge.

"Who did this to you?" Dumbledore asked kindly, and she let out a great wail.

"It was **him**!" she sobbed dramatically. "That man they're all looking for – that Sirius Black! He was here, Headmaster – he's been in the castle!"

"Mr Filch – Severus – Remus – Tonks – secure the castle!" Dumbledore's voice was commanding but calm, and Tonks never thought for one second to disobey. She turned blindly, not sure what she could do, and then she felt a strong hand clasping her own.

"Come on, Dora," Remus said gently. "We'll check the Astronomy Tower, Albus." Tonks was only vaguely aware of Dumbledore nodding and delegating tasks for the others, as Remus led her quickly away from the scene. She didn't even think to dislodge his fingers from where they were intertwined with hers, and allowed him to lead her through the corridors and up to the door to the Astronomy Tower. She blinked to help herself focus, and saw Remus standing next to her, wand pointed at the door, and gaze fixed upon her.

"What?" she asked warily. His eyes were piercing – it made her nervous.

"Are you all right?" he asked softly. She swallowed and nodded, drawing her own wand and willing her hand to stop shaking as she pointed it at the door.

"I'm fine," she said, hoping she sounded more confident than she felt.

"Dora, if you're not up to this –"

"I'm a bloody Auror, Remus!" Tonks felt anger boiling inside her – so much for Remus' confidence in her! "Just open the damn door!" He merely shot her a tired glance, and flicked his wand at the door.

"Would you like to go first, in that case?" She most certainly would not! But she didn't know how to say so without sounding weak, or hypocritical … She took a slow step, but found she couldn't do it. She shook her head, not meeting his eye.

"No," she whispered. He didn't say a word, but patted – well, more like stroked – her hair understandingly, and entered before her. She took a deep breath, and followed. They climbed the stairs in growing anticipation, and Tonks couldn't find it in herself to object when he took her hand again. She felt safe with him there, and when he squeezed her fingers reassuringly at the top of the stairs, she squeezed back. He nodded encouragingly, before tapping the doorknob with his wand, and leading her out onto the top battlement.

"He didn't get in this way," Remus said almost instantaneously. Tonks looked at him suspiciously – how would he know? She eyed him carefully, not lowering her wand.

"How do you know?" she asked guardedly. He lowered his wand.

"The protective charms around the tower are still active," he said simply. "Watch …" And in one long, slow motion, he waved his wand in a circle around them, and even Tonks could feel the wind ruffling her hair as the magic washed over them. He then glanced at her. "_Summon_ something. From the ground."

Tonks took a few tentative steps forward and glanced downwards. She then rushed backwards, almost knocking Remus over – but, of course, his arms grabbed her and held her steady.

"Careful," he whispered. "It's a long way down." And he didn't let go of her, either. Once again, she found it difficult to remember to complain.

"_Accio Hagrid's pumpkin_," Tonks said quietly but clearly, rather enjoying the warmth of Remus' arm around her waist. Sure enough, the vegetable came flying from the pumpkin patch through the night sky, hurtling towards them at alarming speed – before splattering into a hundred pieces just before hitting the ramparts. Tonks gaped silently as large chunks of pumpkin rained down on the grounds. She felt Remus' body shaking, and she turned, only to find he was laughing!

"Git!" She smacked him in the arm, trying her best to look indignant, but the sight of him standing there trembling with silent mirth, tears rolling down his cheeks – probably out of amusement at the look on her face more than anything else.

"I'm sorry," he choked out in between snorts of laughter, "but it was hilarious! You should have seen your face!" And with that, he collapsed in fits of laughter again.

"Right, you are **dead**!" Tonks squealed, and without thinking, she tackled him. They both landed on the ground with a thud, and she wasted no time in pinning him to the ground, tickling him mercilessly.

"Stop!" Remus gasped, still in tears. "Dora, I mean it, stop!"

"Say – you're – sorry!" She poked him in the ribs – her biggest mistake. A moment later he had rolled over, and suddenly he was on top of her.

"I'm sorry," he said, smirking. "I really am – I do sincerely apologise for having you splatter a pumpkin off the magical shield and laughing at it. But now, you do realise you have to pay for your ruthless behaviour?"

"Ruthless? Oh, don't be such a – _Remus_!" she shrieked, as he bent low over her body, tickling her in all her most sensitive spots. _How did he know_?? She screeched with laughter and attacked every part of his body she could reach, kicking and punching him wildly. She opened her mouth to protest, but clamped it shut suddenly as something shifted.

Her giggles subsided as Remus' long fingers slowed their assault on her body. Her eyes drifted almost subconsciously closed, as his hands trailed so softly down her sides, she wasn't even sure they were making contact. _This wasn't happening_.

"Remus …" she breathed softly, willing herself to push him away. It didn't work.

"Dora," he mumbled just as quietly. His breath tickled her ear, and she had an irrepressible urge to turn her head ever so slightly and kiss him. _No_. But it seemed as though he wanted it too. _Can't_. It would be so easy to say it was just an accident. _Won't_. Maybe just a tiny peck. _Shouldn't …_ He wasn't exactly hurrying to climb off of her. _Well, then again_ …

Before she could make a decision, however, Remus' hand cupped her chin, turning her face towards him, and his lips captured hers in a feverish kiss. _Oh, Merlin, there's no turning back now_. She groaned aloud – the sensations he caused just by kissing her were incredible. His tongue prised her lips apart gently, seeking entrance to her mouth, and she granted it willingly. She felt his body shudder at her touch, and his hands roamed over her body, one stopping to tangle in her hair.

"Oh, God …" Tonks murmured with a whimper of protest as he pulled his lips away from her, but the wordless objection died on her lips as his mouth found her neck, kissing her softly but passionately all the way down to her collarbone. She squeezed her eyes tight shut and enjoyed the feeling for a few moments, until the tension was too much, and grabbed his hair in her hand. She dragged his head back towards hers, shifting slightly under him and claiming his lips for her own again. Tongues crashed and entwined; hands explored; and bodies writhed. Tonks heard someone – possibly both of them – moan with satisfaction as their lips moved in sync, sending shivers down Tonks' spine.

"Well!"

_Oh, bugger_!

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**A/N:** Fluff AND angst!! Surely that makes everyone happy, yes? Or maybe you all hate me for interrupting them … but who do you think it is? Let me know :D

Alli xoxo


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: **I only own Carolyn, thankfully – have you met this other lot lately? Can you even imagine the responsibility they would all be? What a handful! No, ta.

**A/N:** Oh, my God, I am a horrible person! I was on holiday, then I had major writer's block – this chapter has been finished within the last ten minutes, literally. Got back into the groove, which is awesome, and I'm posting it now because I'm scared I won't like it again in the morning! God forbid!

So I apologise most profusely to everyone – you've all been such faithful readers, and I promise the next few chapters (at the very least) will be as regular as the first lot were. I have no intentions of abandoning this story, so please don't give up!!

Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed my last chapter – you're all amazing, and your reviews make me feel confident enough to keep going. All my new readers, welcome, and thanks loads for taking the time to read through! And my loyal ones – y'all just simply rock, okay? So thanks again for being so patient, apologies a thousand times over, and here's chapter ten!

* * *

"Evening, Molly," Remus said, clambering to his feet with relative ease and offering a hand to Tonks to help her do the same. She gladly accepted and allowed him to haul her upright, and she straightened her robes and tried her hardest not to blush. She had only ever met Molly Weasley once before – the woman had suspected her of being Charlie's first girlfriend, and consequently, hated her guts. So unfair. Tonks hadn't even been dating Charlie – her best friend had been.

"Remus!" Molly's mouth dropped open, and a moment later she pulled Remus into what looked like a rib-breaking hug. Tonks looked between them, bemused. How on earth did Molly Weasley, fiercely overprotective mother, have such a close association with a known werewolf?

"How are you?" he asked, smiling quite widely when he pulled out of her arms. She was flushed and beaming at Remus – why?

"Well, you know, scared," she said with a flicker of sadness in her eyes. "Sirius Black in the castle … well, Arthur heard it at work and I just wanted to come up and make sure the kids were okay. They don't know I'm here, of course, but … if I'd only taken more care the last time, maybe things would have been different, I …"

"You can't blame yourself for something that was so out of your control, Molly," Remus said gently, patting her shoulder. "Besides, Sirius is one man, and they'll catch him."

"You'll be right, as usual," she said, smiling. "Hello, dear – Molly Weasley."

"I remember you, Mrs Weasley," Tonks said, grinning. "I was one of Charlie's friends at school – Tonks?"

"Tonks?" Molly looked puzzled.

"Nymphadora," Remus muttered in her ear, and Tonks glowered at him. Molly, on the other hand, smiled broadly.

"Oh, I remember! You were the lovely Hufflepuff girl!" _Lovely_? She had always thought Molly despised her – she certainly kept her at arm's length. "Yes, I remember you coming around during summers … who was your mother again?"

"Andromeda Black," Tonks said, and she could have sworn Molly's smile faltered ever so slightly. _Curse the name Black_!

"Tonks is an Auror, Molly – she's been stationed here to keep the castle and the students safe from Sirius. She's become rather close with your children, too, with the possible exception of Percy, who I find quite capable of looking after himself at any rate."

"Oh!" Remus' word must count for a lot, thought Tonks, as Molly surprisingly pulled her into a hug next. "Thank you, dear, thank you ever so much … Well, uh, I'm sorry – I told Dumbledore I'd have a quick scout around just while I was here, but I didn't mean to interrupt anything …"

"Not at all," Remus said pleasantly. "Tonks and I were practising Muggle lifesaving skills – I don't know if you've heard of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation? No? Well, it's when someone is oxygen-deprived; you blow into their mouth to restore some flow of it into their lungs. Often it saves someone's life while awaiting proper medical attention."

No way was Molly Weasley going to be fooled by that! Or was she? Tonks frowned as Molly nodded, smiling, up into Remus' face. No way!

"What a wonderful idea!" she said happily. "It makes so much sense, of course – there are some kinds of Muggle injury we can't use magic on, and it's just so clever of you to think to learn their ways! Well, I'd better get back to the Great Hall …"

"We'll follow you," Remus assured her, and Molly nodded at them both and bustled away. Tonks glowered angrily – how was he such a smooth liar? If she had tried to pull that on Kingsley – or **anybody**, come to that – they would have caught her in the lie within seconds, or less, knowing her luck. Unfair.

"How do you know Mrs Weasley?" Tonks asked, as they began their descent of the stairs a fair way behind the older woman. Remus glanced sideways at her.

"Her, uh, her brothers were in the War with me," he said slowly, as though choosing his words very carefully. "I don't know whether you've ever heard about the Prewett brothers? Gideon and Fabian Prewett – exceptional wizards, wonderful men. They, uh, they were killed by Voldemort's Death Eaters – but they fought extremely bravely; it took five of them to finish the brothers off. Yes, they were wonderful men."

"She seems quite taken with you."

"I, uh …" Remus ducked his head. "The night Fabian and Gideon died, the Order of the Phoenix, for which we were all fighting, received information of the attack while it was still in progress. Hardly anybody was available, and Dumbledore seemed to think it was too dangerous a situation for us to interfere in."

"So you, being you, went ahead and interfered anyway?" Tonks guessed, and Remus grimaced slightly, his cheeks reddening.

"By the time I got there it was far too late to do anything helpful. I arrived just in time to stop the Death Eaters from totally fouling the … the bodies."

"What? You mean – Remus, tell me you didn't!" Tonks stared at him, open-mouthed. "You fought off five Death Eaters to save two men who were already dead? Oh, you moron! You stupid, stubborn, noble **moron**!"

"Their family deserved the chance to pay their respects; bury them … say a proper goodbye. It was the least I could do."

"Moron," she repeated, but a little more softly. They walked the rest of the way to the Great Hall in silence – he seemed to have no more to say, and Tonks had no idea how to start a conversation without seeming insensitive. Fortunately, she was spared the hassle when they entered the Great Hall, and were bombarded instantly.

"Remus!"

"Tonks!"

A second later, Remus had been engulfed by Lady Carolyn, and Kingsley was towering over Tonks looking somewhat forbidding but also concerned – quite an achievement.

"Are you all right?" Kingsley asked calmly, and Tonks nodded, shooting a disgusted look at Remus and Carolyn, who still hadn't let him go despite his protests that she needn't have come back, because he was fine. _Yeah, damn right she needn't have come_.

"I'm fine," she assured Kingsley, who nodded.

"Excellent. Well, I've just been collecting statements from anybody who was in the grounds today, which thankfully aren't many people. Apparently there was a Hogsmeade trip today?"

"Yeah … I was here. Harry and I, we were flying."

"I know," Kingsley said. "I already talked to him, he told me you were with him. I'm assuming you didn't see Black anywhere in the grounds?"

"Nothing." Why couldn't she keep her eyes off of Remus and Carolyn?

"All right … well, you'd better sleep down here with the students tonight. And, Tonks … I had a word with Scrimgeour before I left the office." Uh-oh.

"What did he say?" she sighed. Kingsley cleared his throat and lowered his voice.

"He says, if you're not feeling – ahem – up to this, then … then because you're not undercover anyway, I've to make sure I offer to switch places with you."

"_Git_!!!"

"Keep your voice down!" Kingsley hissed, grabbing her arm and dragging her into the Entrance Hall quickly.

"Kingsley – ow! – Hey! – what are you? – let me **go**!"

"Hey!" _Damn_. Remus had followed them. He looked up at Kingsley, although not by much: he was taller than Tonks had thought; and his face was lined with hatred. Kingsley looked suddenly very uncomfortable.

"Remus," he said carefully, shooting a none-too-surreptitious glance at Carolyn.

"Unhand her." Tonks had never heard Remus sound so angry – his voice was steady, and dangerously quiet, and … well, frightening. Kingsley let go of Tonks' arm as though he had been burned, looking immensely guilty.

"I wasn't hurting her," he said immediately.

"It sounded like she thought you were," Remus retorted. "Dora, are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Tonks said, shooting a glare at Kingsley. "Thanks, Remus … uh, King and I have some business we need to discuss – I'll catch you later, yeah?"

"All right." Remus eyes Kingsley suspiciously for a few more moments, before turning to walk away. Carolyn hovered where she was, seeming uncertain about something.

"Kingsley …" she began in a whisper.

"Carolyn!" She jumped. "Come on." With an apologetic glance back at Kingsley, and for some reason, one at Tonks, Lady Carolyn followed Remus back into the Great Hall. Tonks exhaled loudly – she'd never known Remus to be so possessive before. It was a little scary, if she were perfectly honest with herself. Maybe he was worried about what she might say to Kingsley – or worse, to Carolyn?

"So!" Tonks turned on Kingsley with one eyebrow raised, but he just rolled his eyes.

"Don't even start on me, **Dora**."

"You can tell Scrimgeour where to stick his offer – I am not leaving the school, not now. Harry just got to know me; he trusts me, Kingsley – I won't walk away and leave him with some stranger – no offence."

"None taken," he promised. "And I knew you'd say that. Why don't you go make sure no students are lurking in the halls, and I'll wait here and speak to Dumbledore about his theories on Black?"

"Fine with me." Tonks smiled briefly at Kingsley and did a quick search of the Entrance Hall and ground floor corridors – thankfully, no stragglers. She didn't particularly fancy hauling anyone into the Great Hall in front of the entire student body to have them berated for utter foolishness. Although they would deserve it, if it turned out that way. Maybe these kids weren't as dumb as Tonks had thought to begin with.

"Nobody?"

"Nothing."

"Thank Merlin." Kingsley leant against the doorway, and Tonks could feel many eyes upon them. She turned ever so slightly so that the taller Auror's bulky frame blocked her from most of the prying eyes.

"Kingsley?" she asked tentatively. He looked at her, brows furrowed.

"Yes?"

"I know you'll tell me to keep my nose out and all, but … what **is **the situation with you and Lady Carolyn?" Kingsley opened his mouth, but Tonks held up a hand. "And seriously, it's not so I can judge or make fun of you. But we're mates, right, King?"

"As long as you stop calling me 'King,' we should be," the older man retorted. Tonks snorted. "There is no situation, Tonks …"

"Bollocks!"

"Well, there's nothing any more, then, all right? We had … something. We were more than good friends, let's say, when we were at school together – it didn't work out. And no, before you ask, I am not giving you any more details! But it's just strange, is all – after so many years, with so many things unsaid: being around one another again … it's odd."

"Oh … so, you're not … I mean … were you in love with her?" Tonks asked uncertainly. Kingsley eyed her shrewdly, before turning his gaze upward thoughtfully.

"I don't know," he said finally. _Honesty from a man. That was new._

"And do you …" Tonks took a deep breath. "Do you still feel, you know, whatever it was you felt for her, before … now?"

"No," Kingsley said, looking her straight in the eye now. "I don't, Tonks. Carolyn and I have both had other interests for quite some time – even at school, she and Sirius had their relationship, and I had –"

"**What**?" He stared at her. "Carolyn and **Sirius**??"

"For a good few years, yes," Kingsley said, shooting her a strange look. "Of course, things have changed a lot since then, but for a while they were really quite close."

"Merlin," Tonks murmured, almost to herself. "And you don't think she's a suspect at all?"

"I really don't," he assured her. "But you're the on-site Auror here – if you think there's any reason to suspect her, then we bring her in for questioning. It's your call."

_Damn_. There was so much temptation to bring Lady Carolyn in for questioning, just to watch her squirm – maybe slip her some Veritaserum, find out exactly why she spent so much time away from Remus, who she was supposedly so crazy about …_No! Bad Tonks! Extremely unprofessional behaviour! Very, very bad!_

"Tonks?" Kingsley was looking at her bemusedly – she really had to stop wandering off into dreamland in front of her superiors!

"Sorry," she said quickly. "Was just thinking through our encounters – I can't think of any reason to bring Carolyn in. I'll bear her in mind as a possible suspect, though – thanks."

"No problem … well, I've had a chat with Dumbledore, and I think I'm done here for tonight. Unless there was anything else you wanted?"

"No, I'm fine," Tonks said, smiling wanly. "Thanks, though. You go get some sleep – at least I'm used to the madness of this place by now; you just walked into teen-zone and you've been surrounded by the buzz ever since."

"Makes you miss it, doesn't it?"

"What, being at Hogwarts?"

"The peace and quiet of the Auror office."

"Hmm. That being said, I have a bed in the Gryffindor dormitories that's about twice the size of my entire cubicle, so I won't be complaining any time soon!"

"You're staying with the Gryffindors?" _Busted_.

"Don't remind me," was all Tonks said, but Kingsley smirked happily.

"God, Tonks, you're such a –"

"House whore, yes, I know, thank you!" she cut him off, rolling her eyes. He snorted loudly and wound up taking a coughing fit. Git – served him right!

"I was going to say traitor," he spluttered, "but whatever floats your boat!"

_Did she really just say __**house whore**__ in front of her boss_? Of course she did. She was Nymphadora Tonks, blabbermouth, klutz and all around moron, who just happened to have a very strange sense of humour and enjoy her own unique brand of euphemism. _Bugger_.

"Sorry!" she apologised anxiously, but Kingsley continued to chortle.

"Merlin, Tonks, we certainly miss you at work!" he chuckled. "Owl me tomorrow and let me know how things are once the dust settles, will you?"

"You really think the dust is going to settle by tomorrow?"

"Owl me anyway," he said more seriously, and she nodded. He followed suit, seeming satisfied. "All right. And remember – you, just … just take care of yourself, yeah? I don't care what Scrimgeour says about you being too young or whatever, because it's codswallop, but I'm still concerned as a friend. Watch your back."

"Always," Tonks promised. "I'll be in touch. Night, Kingsley."

"Night, **Dora**."

"Git!!!" Tonks shouted after him as he swept out of the room, snickering to himself. Arrogant bastard! She whipped out her wand, intending to trip him or something as punishment for his cheek, but a hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"Everything all right here, Nymphadora?"

"Sir," Tonks said, barely restraining herself from screaming that her name was **Tonks**. "Yes, sir, fine. Any sign of Si – of Black?"

"Nothing," Dumbledore said, his usually twinkling eyes dark and the lines on his face more pronounced than usual. "Not that I really expected him to stay around, of course, but I had hoped to find some traces of how he managed it … it really is most infuriating!"

"I'm really sorry, sir …" Tonks suddenly felt very small indeed. "I know I was sent here to keep the castle safe, and I haven't done a very good job –"

"Oh, not at all, my dear!" Dumbledore patted her hand reassuringly. "I can assure you I think nothing of the sort – indeed, I am most grateful to you for being such a support for Harry during this difficult time. I am humbly indebted to you, Nymphadora."

"I thought we agreed you could call me Tonks, sir?" The words were out of her mouth before she had a chance to stop herself.

"Sincerest apologies, Ms Tonks," he said, although his eyes were twinkling faintly again. "I am afraid it's an old habit amongst former Professors – it never does get easier to call your students by anything other than what you knew them as during their school days."

"I can imagine … Well, I think I ought to go check on Harry, sir …"

"Of course, of course! Indeed, I ought to finish up the last of the search; anyway … I feel it is my duty, Ms Tonks, to remind you that … none of this is your fault. I as much as anyone can appreciate how much you have sacrificed to come here this year and protect my students, and I would hate for you to think it went unnoticed. I wonder … would you care to join us tomorrow night, Ms Tonks? Minerva, Remus and I were planning to head into the village for a few drinks after dinner – I'm sure Percy Weasley would keep an eye on Harry for a few hours, and give you a break."

"Oh!" The last thing Tonks wanted was to be alone with Remus right now, or even be around him in general, come to that. And she had a sneaking suspicion Dumbledore knew more than he was letting on about the current situation between herself and a certain werewolf. "I'm, uh, I'm not sure …"

"No arguments, my dear! Remus would be most disappointed to find himself left alone with me if Minerva is called away, as is often the case. We can discuss it more fully at breakfast. Goodnight, Ms Tonks."

"Goodnight, sir," she said, knowing it was no use debating the point. Nobody argued with Albus Dumbledore. As he walked away, she cursed herself for being so spineless – she, who had trained under and had the nerve to make fun of Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody; she, fearless Auror with more arrests under her belt than half her superiors; she, a proud Tonks but with unmistakeably Black blood in her veins – a coward. She disgusted herself sometimes, she really did.

Tonks entered the Great Hall again, head held high and jaw set – she was not, under any circumstances, going to let herself be intimidated by Remus John Lupin. Not even if he threatened to Imperius her ass, she was not going to give him what he wanted. She would not listen to his latest excuses – as far as she was concerned, there was no excuse good enough. He had kissed her – **he** had kissed **her** – while still involved with someone else, and hadn't even had the good grace to appear guilty about it. She deserved better than this, and she wasn't going to let him floor her again.

"Tonks, hey."

"Hi Harry," she said sympathetically. "How are you?"

"Oh, you know, okay, I guess." Harry half-shrugged. "I guess I'm just lucky I wasn't in there at the time, is all. I mean, he – he wants … do you think he'd kill me, Tonks?"

"I …" How to answer him? She didn't want Harry to know she was related to Sirius, not when he remained so convinced of his guilt and she had nothing to suggest otherwise. "I don't know, Harry," she said finally. "I was too young to know any great details about this whole thing until it was all over. I don't know what he'd do, given half a chance."

"So we'll just have to make sure he doesn't get a chance, then," said a voice behind her. Harry smiled gratefully, and Tonks steeled herself.

"Thanks, Professor," Harry said, half-smiling. "I'm just going to go find Ron and Hermione, just now; seem to have lost them … coming, Tonks?"

"Sure –"

"Uh, go ahead, Harry. I was hoping Tonks might speak with me for a moment."

"Okay, no problem, sir. See you in a bit, Tonks." Harry made his way through the crows of students, leaving Tonks with her cheeks burning and stomach doing somersaults.

"Dora …"

"Shut up, Remus. I don't want to hear it." There. Short, simple and perfectly clear – he couldn't possibly find a way to argue with her over that.

"Well, too bad." Damn. There was always that. "Things between us have been … complicated, since you got here; you know this … about this evening, Dora …"

"What, the part where you kissed me on the roof, or the part where you acted like it meant nothing to you?"

"That's not fair."

"As if any of this is **fair**, Remus!" she hissed furiously, very conscious of the students milling around nearby. She grabbed him by his sleeve, careful not to touch his hand, and dragged him back out to the Entrance Hall, away from prying eyes.

"I won't tell you that I regret kissing you," he said slowly, "because that would be a lie, and utterly unfair to us both."

"Lucky me," Tonks said sarcastically, looking him in the eye with the coldest expression she could muster. He didn't deserve anything other than hostility.

"But you know why this can't work." She blinked, surprised. He was admitting to the fact that he was a cheat; a liar? Well, she supposed, honesty was something about him she'd always respected. But this, she hadn't seen coming.

"You coward!" she gasped, eyes blazing. "You spineless bastard! After everything; all you've put me through; this is all you can come up with? Do you know how often I've cried myself to sleep over you? Do you have any idea how many times I've tried to stop myself caring about you, thinking you could never feel the same way? Do you even **care** what you've done to me every time, dragging me back in and giving me a thousand more reasons to want to be with you? Do you??"

"All I can offer you is an apology," Remus murmured, seemingly unaffected by her emotive speech. "I am truly sorry, Dora – the last thing I ever wanted was to cause you pain."

"You've done a bang-up job of that!"

"I agree completely. You deserve so much better than I can offer, Dora."

"My name," she informed him coolly, "is Tonks." He looked a little putout.

"Very well then," he said a moment later. "Tonks it is. I apologise once more, and I hope that some day you might understand that, yes, I've known all along that I shouldn't be fuelling this … thing, between us – but the only excuse I can offer is that the thought of pushing you away seemed too much to bear. I tried my hardest; really, I did, but … you're far too irresistible."

"Don't you dare," she whispered, her voice breaking as she fought back tears. "Don't dare break my heart and make me want you all in the same sentence!"

"I'm sorry; I merely thought –"

"God damn it, Remus! For once in your life, just don't think so bloody much!"

And he took her at her word, it seemed. A moment later, his lips were on hers, her back was against the wall, and his hands were on her hips, holding her there. He kissed her with that same animal passion she had come to yearn for, his lips fiercely ravishing her own, his tongue caressing her own the way she loved. She felt more than heard him groan against her lips, and he pushed her harder against the wall, kissing her more ferociously than before, grinding his body against her. She could feel that he wanted her just as deeply as she wanted him – _needed_ him – as his hips rubbed against her.

"Remus!" She pushed him from her with a burst of strength, fuelled, perhaps, by the blood pumping so hard through her veins. He let out a short gasp and took a few steps back, panting. The tightness in her chest informed her she was doing the same. She took a cautious step closer to him again, tears welling up in her eyes. He didn't back away, so she moved right forwards, so she was standing right in front of him.

"You're right," Tonks whispered miserably. She leant up on her tiptoes and allowed herself one more moment of weakness, brushing her lips tenderly against his. When she broke the kiss, she leant into him, breathing the last four words in his ear. "I do deserve better." She didn't stop to find out if he was going to protest, or if her words had hurt him – she knew that if she looked at him again, she might not get this strength back. Without so much as a single glance backwards, Tonks walked away from him, swearing to herself that this really would be the last time. It had to be. She could do this any more.

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**A/N: **Yes, yes, hate me hate me HATE ME!! I hate my muses, if it helps!! Ugh. Self-loathing is kicking in right about now …… anyway thanks for reading – please review? I promise I'll make it up to you for the horrible, horrible chapter if you stick with me! Thanks loads for reading!

Alli xoxo


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** -sigh- Must I? Again? Fine, fine, they're not mine. Except Carolyn, although if she were JK Rowling's, I'd have borrowed her anyway …… Yeah, so to sum up, wish I owned them. Rather don't think I do. If you know something I don't, I'd appreciate being filled in.

**A/N: **Sorry for the delay, once again! My muses are being temperamental, I'm afraid, but I've been trying to write as much as I can! Thanks loads to everybody who read and reviewed my last chapter – you have no idea how much it inspires me to keep going when I know people enjoy my work :)

Now, on with chapter eleven :D

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"This Hippogriff acted as any other would! Mr Malfoy's son had been warned quite plainly of the possible consequences of insulting the creature, and he did so anyway – he is clearly the one at fault here, sirs, not Hagrid."

"Thank you, Ms Tonks. You may leave." Tonks gave Hagrid the thumbs-up before leaving the conference room. She hated those rooms – every minor question felt like part of an interrogation. Which, she supposed, was the point. The committee were likely to be hours yet, she knew, so she wandered up to Auror HQ on the second floor.

"Yo, King!"

"Don't call me King, Nymphadora!"

"Don't call me Nymphadora, Shacklebolt!"

"Don't call me Shacklebolt, Tonks!"

"Ha! Got you to call me by the right name!" She stuck her tongue out, and Kingsley glowered playfully at her, tossing her a Chocolate Frog.

"You've finished testifying, then?" he asked, beginning to walk her down to what was effectively still 'her' cubicle, although it lay empty for the time being. She nodded mutely, stuffing the thing down her throat and trying not to think about Remus' little addiction to the stuff. The longer she went without talking to him, the more she thought about him. It really was a catch-22.

"Tonks!" a low voice growled, and Tonks sat bolt upright, choking on her Frog. Kingsley chortled and rammed her on the back as she fought for breath, glaring up at Mad-Eye.

"What?" she hissed angrily, using all her self-control not to scream. She was on edge enough as it was, worrying about Hagrid, and after testifying, the last thing she needed was to be given another shock to the system.

"Just wondering what you were doing here when you're meant to be watching over Potter up at the school, was all, Tonks – no need to get snappy!"

"How does he know?!" Tonks demanded, glaring at Kingsley. "He doesn't even work here any more – how come he knows everything that goes on around here? I swear, Mad-Eye, you know more about what goes on in this place than I do! Talk about unfair!" And Kingsley promptly choked on his own mouthful of chocolate. Probably because she had just called Mad-Eye 'Mad-Eye' to his face, she suspected.

"Constant vigilance!" was all the elderly Auror said, his normal eye bulging slightly, before turning and leaving the offices, clunking all the way down the corridor.

"So," Kingsley said, turning her attention back to him now that he could breathe somewhat normally again. "Spoken to Remus lately?"

"Not since the Black break-in incident," Tonks replied sadly. Said incident had in fact been a grand total of sixteen days ago – she had been counting, subconsciously, she was sure. She had managed to avoid the dreaded night out in Hogsmeade by claiming she had a lot of paperwork to file, and she suspected Remus had spoken to Dumbledore on the subject as well, probably because he wanted to avoid her as much as she him. Kingsley furrowed his brow in apparent concern – Tonks had finally cracked just over a week ago and had told him everything, without mentioning her worries about Carolyn. She knew they were close, no matter what he said. She had left it at the fact that she and Remus could never be together, for obvious reasons, and Kingsley seemed to accept that.

"Not even a hello in passing?"

"Not even an acknowledgement when I'm in his class with Harry," she confirmed. "I can't do it, Kingsley, I just … he always seemed so different to me. When I was falling for him, I thought it could be wonderful, and now … this thing – whatever it is, or was – between us, has become the bane of my existence. I want him, but I don't want him because of the things he's done; I wish I could hate him, but at the same time I can't seem to stop thinking about him. Everything's just so … so messed up, Kingsley. What do I do?"

Tonks hated admitting weakness, especially to a colleague, and more than anything to her boss, but she had come to regard Kingsley as more of a friend than a superior of late. And everything seemed to be spiralling out of her control. As uncomfortable as it made her, she knew she had to talk to someone, before she exploded. He surveyed her for a few moments, before allowing a small, albeit somewhat sad, smile to grace his features.

"Well, I never," he murmured. "Nymphadora Tonks, I do believe you're in love."

"**What**???"

"Whoa!" Kingsley jumped backwards in shock as Tonks spluttered indignantly. He held out his hands as though trying to ward her off, and she shot him a withering look.

"Kingsley, this is serious," she said coolly, and he raised his eyebrows.

"What made you think I wasn't serious?"

"You – you can't possibly have **meant** what you just said!"

"But I did," he said simply. "Tonks, I've never seen you this worked up over anything before, let alone over a man. He's gotten right under your skin, I can tell. Not that it surprises me – Remus was always popular with girls. He just didn't want to be, the way Black and Potter did. He shied away from it all – but I assure you, you're not the first one to have fallen under his spell." Tonks tried to hide her disappointment, but something must have shown in her face, as Kingsley continued in a comforting tone. "You are, however, the only one I've ever known to get such a reaction from him. He obviously cares about you, Tonks. He just doesn't want anyone to get hurt."

"You sound just like him," Tonks said bitterly. "I told him where he could stick that." Kingsley regarded her closely, before straightening up, his brow furrowed.

"Come with me," he said plainly, and left her cubicle before she could answer. She gaped after him for a moment, before sighing dramatically and trailing after him to his own, somewhat larger, cubicle. She tried to avoid the eye of every picture of Sirius on the wall, bearing down upon her, and instead focussed her attention on Kingsley, who was pulling something large and round from a cupboard.

"Whoa!" Her mouth dropped open. "Is that … Kingsley, you have a Pensieve?" she asked in an awed whisper. He nodded briskly.

"Yes, and you're going in," he stated firmly. It wasn't a question. He withdrew a long, flowing strand of silvery substance from his temple, allowing it to fall from the tip of his wand into the basin, and swirling it around lightly. "There are a couple of things I think you ought to see. Maybe it'll help you understand a few things a little better."

"Kingsley, wh – ah!" She hadn't the time to finish her question before he had shoved her lightly in the small of her back, and she was swirling through the dense blackness of his memories. Air rushed past her ears, before she landed gracelessly with a loud thud on what appeared to be something wet. Even in someone else's mind she was a complete klutz. Just perfect.

"It really wasn't that bad, you know, Moony."

"Easy for you to say; you're a ruddy **stag**!"

Tonks' head snapped up. She was lying in a patch of damp grass – presumably it was morning dew – at the side of the lake, not far from the Forbidden Forest. Just behind her, sat a much younger Kingsley, with a few other boys she didn't recognise. But the voices were coming from just around the lake – with a jolt, Tonks recognised a young Remus, James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew, presumably. It must, she realised, be just after the full moon. She glanced behind her, and saw Kingsley's eyes narrowed as he watched the Marauders walking, clearly under the impression that they were quiet.

"Even so …"

"You've had worse, right?" That was Sirius. He clapped young-Remus on the shoulder and gave a hearty grin, which was returned only feebly.

"That's not saying much, Paddy," Remus responded. "But," he added bracingly, "another four weeks to wait for the next. There's plenty of havoc to be wreaked in that time."

"Some Prefect you make!" Peter squealed, and Remus snorted.

"As if I'm any worse than our esteemed Head Boy here." He mock-bowed in James' direction, and the latter gave a lopsided grin and ruffled his already messy hair.

"Lily's already agreed to go to Hogsmeade with me; what's the use in being good any more?" he retorted.

"Spoken like a true Marauder!" Sirius grinned. "Speaking of you and Lily – I think it's high time old Moony here got himself a girlfriend, don't you, Prongs?" Tonks stared, wide-eyed, at her older cousin. He certainly didn't have much subtlety about him.

"Absolutely," James nodded. "I mean, some of these girls just pine after you, Moony, and you don't even give them a second glance!"

"Such a waste," Sirius said, almost mournfully. _Git_, Tonks thought.

"I have no interest in a relationship right now, thank **you** very much," Remus replied calmly, reaching into his bag and pulling out a textbook of some sort. "Shall we stop?" They did indeed stop, and the four reclined in the grass under shade of a large birch tree. Remus leant against the trunk, his book open at some marked page; Sirius lay flat on his back, popping gum; Peter sat rather nervously alongside him; and James lounged just next to Remus, half-lying down, ruffling his hair and peering over mini-wolf's shoulder.

"'**Ancient Runes: An Advanced Approach**'??" he said incredulously. "Moony, you could be spending this valuable time with a girl, you do realise this?"

"Thankfully, James, I am aware of such simple facts." _So Remus_. Tonks couldn't suppress a grin. "However, I could never in good conscience be with a girl without telling her first of the nature of my … condition, and _'to him that you tell your secret you resign your liberty.'_" Tonks grinned at this – even at seventeen, he was still reciting old proverbs. The Marauders, it seemed, were not so familiar with famous Muggle adages, and the three others stared at Remus as if he had sprouted two heads. Actually, now she thought of it, sprouting two heads at Hogwarts was probably more routine behaviour.

"And what, pray tell, does **that** mean?" Sirius asked blankly. Remus chuckled.

"It means, Padfoot, that if I were to tell any girl the truth, I would have placed my future in her hands, in essence – she would have control over me, should she desire it."

"Oh. Well why didn't you just say so, then??" Remus simply rolled his eyes, and Tonks thought to herself how he hadn't changed. She saw him suddenly sit up a little straighter, and glanced in the direction he was now looking. A girl was running in their direction, her eyes sparkling: a girl with straight, long, very dark hair and almond shaped eyes …

"_Carolyn_," Tonks breathed, her chest tightening. Fifth-year Carolyn darted right around Kingsley and his friends and straight into Remus' arms. The tears were welling up in Tonks' eyes – had King done this just to torture her?

"Oh, Remus!" Carolyn said, sounding upset. "I didn't sleep a wink last night, you know that? I could've sworn I heard howling – and cantering! Maybe you found the centaurs or something? Was it an awful moon for you? Oh, I wish I could help you through them!"

"Carrie!" he grunted, and Tonks gaped. _Carrie_???? "Come on, get off, I'm fine …"

"Oh, okay, okay! Merlin, you're a stubborn ass, Remus Lupin!" Carolyn complained, clambering off of him. She then grinned and pounced on Sirius, tackling him and giggling loudly. Tonks caught Remus looking pointedly in the opposite direction as Sirius pulled her on top of him and kissed her lovingly. Her heart sank a little more – had he really loved her for as long as all this? She had no chance!

Just then, the memory around her faded, and as she glanced behind her, and saw Kingsley storming in the other direction. He didn't know what had happened after this, and consequently, neither would she … Everything swirled into darkness, and she was falling again …

"Ouch!!" This time, she landed on a solid floor. A quick glance around told her that she was in the Gryffindor common room. Remus sat in a chair by the fire, a Transfiguration textbook open in his lap, and Kingsley sprawled on the floor at his feet, his own textbooks scattered around him. He glanced up at Remus, looking confused.

"So why would anyone want to be an Animagus?" he asked. Clearly she'd landed in the middle of a conversation. Remus glanced down at young-Kingsley.

"Well, a large number of reasons," he said thoughtfully. "I suspect because they enjoy knowing they **can** do it, considering it's very advanced magic. And it would certainly be useful, particularly if you can transform into a small animal, if you had to make a quick getaway. And if – for any reason – an Animagus had his wand broken, he would always have some remaining ties to the magical world."

"Oh … how long would it take, then?"

"Interested?" Remus asked, a glint in his eye. Kingsley rolled his own.

"Pass," he said blankly. "Too much like hard work. But McGonnagall's making us write two feet of parchment on it, and you're not my tutor for nothing."

"Very true. Well, it has been known to be done in about two years …" Tonks saw him struggle to conceal a smirk here. "But it can take up to seven, or eight – it depends on how powerful the witch or wizard is, and how committed to the project they are."

"Oh, right … is it true Sirius and Carolyn have been going out for three months now?" Kingsley's tone was passive, but Tonks could tell he had deeper emotion running through him – and apparently, so could Remus. He closed his book abruptly, and got to his feet rather suddenly. Kingsley sat up.

"I agreed to tutor you on the condition that you didn't mention Carolyn," Remus said quietly, his tone warning.

"Yeah, but –"

"I'm sure you remember what happened the last time you and I had a conversation about your relationship with Carolyn, don't you, Shacklebolt?"

"Yes …"

"Then I suggest you leave well alone. She doesn't need you in her life."

"You're telling me you want her with Sirius bloody Black?! That womaniser? He's far more likely to break her heart than I am!" Kingsley snapped. For a moment, Remus didn't answer, and when he finally did, his voice was quiet.

"I trust Sirius." With those words, he turned and headed for the dormitory stairs, and Tonks felt herself being pulled backwards, until she tumbled out onto the hard floor of Kingsley's cubicle. She glanced up at the man himself, sitting at his desk with quill in hand, eyeing her apprehensively.

"Enjoy yourself?" he asked quizzically, his eyes darting back to the parchment before him. She clambered to her feet and shrugged in what she hoped was a nonchalant manner.

"It was … well, to be honest, I'm not quite sure what your intention was in showing me any of this, Kingsley," Tonks confessed. "I mean, I see that he and Carolyn have always been close, and how defensive he was, but I already knew that much!"

"My intention?" Kingsley repeated. "My intention was for you to see him when I first knew him, when he wasn't quite as affected by his condition as he is now. You can see it was still hard for him, but things were easier back then. And yet, he was still so protective about the people he loved; about not hurting anyone. Doesn't it help you see where he's coming from now, even just a little?" She supposed, maybe, it did.

"I guess," she said finally. "Thanks, King."

"No problem." The fact that he didn't correct her use of the nickname showed her how serious he thought this issue was, and it touched her. She crossed the room in a few brief strides, and before he had a chance to complain, she hugged Kingsley for a moment.

"Tonks!" She grinned and even allowed herself a laugh as she let him go and saw the jokingly annoyed expression on his face. He rolled his eyes. "You're going soft."

"Must be all the time I've spent with the Gryffindors," she retorted immediately.

"Ouch!" He feigned hurt, but grinned at the same time. Quite a feat, really. "Are you waiting for Hagrid, or are you heading back to the castle now?"

"I think I'll just head back," Tonks mused. In the back of her mind was some vague idea about speaking to Carolyn about Sirius, but she wasn't about to tell Kingsley that.

"All right, well, like I keep telling you – take care of yourself, okay?"

"I always do," she said, winking. He rolled his eyes and shooed her out of the door, and she laughed aloud as she made her way back to the Atrium. One foot out of the elevator, one foot in; the Fountain of Magical Brethren in sight; and she was stopped in her tracks.

"Tonks!"

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**A/N: **The muses also love cliffies, did I mention that? Sorry about that …… Anyway, felt I'd better wrap it up here instead of rambling for another few thousand words (which my next section would really have to be), because you'd never get a chapter this week if I did! So, sorry, but maybe your guesses will make me write faster? Come on, who do you think it is? (Hint: It's not Molly this time :P )

Thanks for reading!

Alli xoxo


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: **Yuhuh, obvvvvvviously, I am JK Rowling. Because really, why else would I have nothing better to do with my time? It's not like I could be out making money from these sorts of stories or anything. What – what's that? They can't tell I'm being sarcastic? Oh, riiiight. Damn.

**A/N:** Oh my gosh, I am a horrible person:( My sincerest apologies to EVERYONE who read, and most especially to my loyal readers and reviewers – school has gone mad; and the Nymphus juices have been running low …… I've done my best with this chapter: it's kind of a filler, but hopefully it has its merits, and if you stick with me, I promise, it WILL get better sooner or later!! Thanks loads to everyone who read last time, and hopefully you haven't abandoned me yet!!

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"Nice to see you too, Dawlish," Tonks said dryly, as her colleague stared at her, dumbfounded. He really was an exasperating little man – he just stood there with his mouth hanging open, blocking her one way out of the building and not even realising it. She was beginning to seriously consider a _mobilacorpus_ on him – would he even notice? – when he quite suddenly shook himself, and an unnaturally wide smile crossed his face.

"Of course, it is," he said courteously. It took her a moment to realise he meant it was nice to see her. Was stupidity contagious? she wondered. "I just didn't expect to see you here, is all … although, if I may say so, your … hair, looks particularly nice today."

"It does?" Tonks raised one eyebrow suspiciously. Granted, he wouldn't have seen her with her natural colour before, as she normally tried to avoid it, but it most certainly wasn't anything special. She wouldn't even be sporting it today were it not for the fact that she had been testifying for Hagrid, and wanted to make a good impression. Pink, purple and orange-haired witches, she had learned from experience, didn't tend to be taken particularly seriously by the Hogwarts Board of Governors.

"Oh, yes!" the little man was positively beaming now. And Dawlish _never_ beamed. She wasn't even sure he could _spell_ 'beamed'. "You look lovely! Frankly, I'm having a hard time remembering the last time I saw you looking so … happy, and relaxed."

"Funny, because I feel the exact opposite of relaxed right now."

"Of course; I had heard you were testifying today." Now he seemed serious. What on earth was going on with him? "Well, you appear to be holding up remarkably! Always cheerful, and so … perky." _Perky_? "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting I really can't be late for, I'm afraid – it was good seeing you, Tonks; we've all missed you. You should definitely stop by more often. Yes. Yes, definitely more often. Well, goodbye!"

"Bye …" Tonks stepped aside and allowed him to pass her into the lift, feeling completely befuddled. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of him just before the grates slid closed, watching her … no, not watching her: staring at her! At her _ass_, to be quite specific! "Why, you sick old –!" What was the word she was looking for? "**Perv**!" she screamed into the elevator after him, knowing fine well that he was already probably out of earshot and that she was making a fool of herself. She let out a shout of frustration; ignoring all the shocked and somewhat affronted looks she earned from those nearest her; and stormed to the nearest Floo. She cursed loudly before Flooing straight into the Gryffindor common room, and stepped out of it in a foul mood, still muttering expletives as she brushed ash off her robes.

"Tonks?" A cautious voice caused her head to snap up. She relaxed when she realised who it was.

"Oh, morning, Hermione," Tonks said distractedly. "No boys this morning?"

"No – it's a Saturday; we won't see them before noon. Men," the girl said wisely, and Tonks grunted her agreement. _Men_, indeed! "How did … how did Hagrid's trial go?"

"Oh, well, I didn't get to stay for the whole thing – after my testimony I nipped up to Auror Headquarters for a quick debrief, and came straight back here. I don't think the trial is over yet, though, or someone would have told me on my way out."

"Oh … how, how do **you** think it went?"

"Honestly? I couldn't begin to guess," Tonks sighed. "These people, they're experts at keeping a straight face, even under torture, no doubt. I did my best – I tried everything I could to convince them that Draco was at fault, and Hagrid had done everything in his power to keep the students safe. But I couldn't tell what they were thinking, at all."

"I'm sure Hagrid appreciated it." Tonks quirked an eyebrow, fighting back a smirk – she couldn't help but be fascinated by this girl. Wasn't _she_ meant to be the adult here?

"Tell you what, Hermione – let's leave the guys for a while, and what's say you and I go for a walk by the lake, or something? You know, a bit of girl time."

"Girl time?" Oh, dear. For an intelligent witch, Hermione looked awfully blank. "You mean like painting each other's nails?" Tonks gaped at her. Thirteen, and she had never had a proper 'girly' chat, except at a sleepover? She knew her best friends were boys, and the girls in the dorm weren't the chattiest, but still! She had expected Hermione had Muggle friends she saw over the summer, at the very least.

"Right, you're coming with me, now! Ginny!" The youngest Weasley had just clambered through the portrait hole, and now looked between Hermione's frightened face, Tonks' hand round the girl's wrist, and the Auror's excited face.

"Yes?" Ginny said hesitantly. Tonks grinned.

"Come on," she said happily. "Third year girls' dormitories, right now. Parvati and Lavender won't be there – I heard them leaving at some obscene hour this morning."

"Tonks!" Hermione whined as Tonks grabbed Ginny's wrist in her other hand and dragged both girls determinedly through the almost-deserted common room and up the spiral stairs, right into the third year dorms, kicking the door shut behind her and shoving the girls onto the beds. She flicked her wand absently, conjuring vast amounts of popcorn, lemonade, and marshmallows.

"Ooh!" Hermione let out a soft gasp of delight and grabbed a handful of marshmallows. "I'm not allowed these at home – Mum and Dad are dentists. Thanks, Tonks!"

"What are they?" Ginny asked warily, picking up a pink one and examining it from all angles.

"They're called marshmallows – they're really sweet and sugary, really bad for your teeth, and taste absolutely great," Tonks informed her, tossing one up in the air and catching it in her mouth deftly. "Go ahead," she added, mouth full. "Try one!"

"Cool!" Ginny and Hermione both exclaimed, and Tonks grinned. Ginny popped a marshmallow in her mouth … promptly followed by half a dozen more. Tonks and Hermione exchanged knowing smirks – they were well familiar with the addictive power of the marshmallow – and joined her in stuffing their faces.

"So," Tonks said conversationally, eyeing the girls with interest, "who loves who then?"

"Hermione loves Ron," Ginny said instantly. Hermione flushed bright red and glared at Ginny, and Tonks spluttered on her mouthful of popcorn.

"Spill!" she demanded, staring wide-eyed at Hermione, who glowered.

"I do not love Ronald," she snapped. "And this is ridiculous! How come Tonks doesn't tell us about her own love life? I mean, you've been here for ages now, and we still hardly know anything about you."

"Not much to know," Tonks said, well aware that she was blushing profusely. She hated talking about herself. "Twenty-six, Auror, Metamorphmagus, single but not looking … Anything else 'interesting' you'd like to know about me?"

"You don't have a boyfriend?" Ginny asked, cocking her head to one side curiously. Tonks snorted in response. Of course they wanted to know about her love life.

"No, I don't," she said honestly. "I mean, I have had before, naturally, but right now I don't."

"Do you like anyone, though?" Hermione pressed. For someone who didn't know 'girl talk,' she sure was getting into the spirit of things quickly. Tonks fought to keep the blush from her face, but suspected she was failing miserably.

"No," she lied, and both girls squealed.

"Who is it?!" Ginny cried indignantly.

"There's nobody!" she insisted quickly, ducking her head. Ginny gasped and tutted impatiently, whereas Hermione remained strangely silent. Tonks glanced upwards to find the older girl watching her shrewdly through curtains of bushy hair.

"You love him, don't you?" she asked astutely. Ginny gaped, and Tonks shook her head violently. Kingsley had said the same thing, but that was _Kingsley_, for Merlin's sake!

"I do not love anyone!"

"Who, who does she love?!" Ginny demanded anxiously. Hermione continued to watch Tonks with that same almost saddened expression on her face.

"Professor Lupin," she replied simply. "I've seen you, Tonks, talking together. A lot. And how you act when he's angry with you. And I've seen you jealous of that other woman who's always lurking these days. It's true, isn't it? You love Professor Lupin."

"I don't," Tonks said again, her voice barely above a whisper. So much for a good time. This was just about killing her. Hermione knew her secret, and now it seemed like Ginny would be in on it too. But it wasn't her secret, not really – not if she didn't love him. And she didn't. She didn't. "I don't," she repeated hoarsely.

"Oh, Tonks …"

"I don't!" she said fiercely, blinking back the tears that suddenly threatened to spill down her cheeks. Hermione moved forward, and a second later, Tonks found herself in a three way hug with the two younger girls. She choked back a sob.

"Tonks, I'm sorry," Hermione said miserably, "I really am! I never meant to …"

"Don't apologise," Tonks muttered, feeling foolish. "It's stupid really. I don't love him, I don't, I just … I don't even know. I _can't_ love him."

"Why not?" Ginny asked quietly.

"Yeah – I think you'd make a really nice couple!" Hermione insisted, and Tonks smiled weakly, sniffling a little.

"I appreciate it, girls, but you're very young," she said sadly. "Remus and I … we're worlds apart, as I'm constantly being reminded. He doesn't love me; he could never love me the way I would want him to. Besides, he's done some truly awful things, if I'm honest – I don't even know how I can forgive him, but I can't **not** do it, either. And Carolyn is everything he needs and deserves; everything I could never be."

"Carolyn?" Hermione questioned.

"Oh – the other woman you said you've seen. She's his … well, I'm not really sure how to define it, but I know he loves her very much, and she him."

"But …" Hermione looked crestfallen, and for some reason a little bemused. "But I've seen him looking at you too! It always seems like he really cares for you … how could I have gotten that so wrong? I thought you two might be a couple in secret!"

"Well, that's just one of the reasons I wish I could hate him, to be honest," Tonks admitted a tad shamefully. What was wrong with her, really – what was she even doing, pining after a man who had used her as a bit on the side; who had pushed her away but kissed her when it suited him; who had trodden all over her heart yet somehow managed to make her feel guilty, as though she had hurt him? How could she be this weak?

"So, you're not going to the Hallowe'en party together, then?" Tonks' stomach clenched uncomfortably – the party! The ball; the dancing … how was she going to avoid him then? She groaned aloud and buried her head in her hands.

"Of course she is!" Hermione said indignantly. "Aren't you, Tonks?"

"I don't exactly know," Tonks admitted. "We haven't discussed it. I don't know that I could really face it, to be honest. Not after all the arguments and trouble we've had lately."

"But surely if you want to win his heart …"

"I do want to. But I don't **want** to want to, if that makes sense. I wish I didn't feel this way – he's hurt me so much; and he's with someone else anyway; and … it would just be so much easier if we could have been friends, and nothing more, that's all. Right now I don't know how to act around him, and I guess he feels the same."

"Wow. And I thought unrequited love was a bitch!" Ginny gasped, and the other two gaped at her openly. The young girl's cheeks turned the same shade as her hair.

"Ginevra Weasley!" Hermione exclaimed, scandalised. "What would your mother say?!"

"Who cares?" Tonks blurted. _Who knew such a hugely morphed foot could fit into such a small mouth?_ "Who are you in love with, Ginny?!"

"Nobody!" she squeaked, her eyes wide with fright. She shot several startled glances around her, seeking an escape, and Tonks was reminded forcibly of a deer caught in headlights. "There's nobody!"

"You are such a rotten liar!" Hermione gasped, tickling the younger girl delightedly. "Come on, Gin, spill! Who is he?! Ohh, I know – it's Colin, isn't it? Colin Creevey?!"

"The kid with the camera attached to him like an extra limb?" Tonks interjected disbelievingly.

"It is NOT!" Ginny snapped, her jaw set and her lips thin. All of a sudden she bore a striking resemblance to Fred and George, and Tonks half-chuckled at the thought that she was hassling a twelve-year-old about her love life. How pathetic had she become?

"It's Harry, isn't it?" Hermione asked, cutting across Tonks' train of thought.

"No," Ginny insisted, a tad too quickly. But Tonks saw how she avoided eye contact; fiddled with her hair; chewed her lower lip. All signs of nervousness, all pointing to one very obvious fact – Hermione had hit the nail right on the head. And poor Ginny looked like she would rather die than admit it, but Tonks saw an opportunity.

"Why don't you ask Harry to the dance?" she suggested casually, and Ginny spit out half of her mouthful of popcorn. Hermione squealed.

"Oh, **gross**! Say it, Ginny, don't spray it!"

"There is **no** way, all right?" Ginny said heatedly. "It will never happen, not in this lifetime or any other. It's just … just no, okay?!"

"What if we did a trade off?" Hermione asked suddenly, having composed herself. Ginny continued to glare, but some of the flush drained from her cheeks, and Tonks shot the bushy-haired girl a sideways glance.

"What kind of a trade off?" Ginny asked suspiciously, and Tonks raised her eyebrows. _Good question_.

"You have to ask Harry to the dance, and in exchange, Tonks will ask Professor Lupin."

"_EXCUSE ME????_"

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**A/N:** Yes, okay, the Dawlish thing was RANDOM!! But I had to have something to lead Tonks into her 'wanting girl chat' mode, and I'm trying to avoid another Remus confrontation for reasons that will become clear over time. Oh, and I couldn't bring myself to make Kingsley into a prat …… so yeah, kind of a random filler chapter, but thanks anyway if you read it, and as always, reviews/concrit are appreciated! 

Alli xoxo


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** Don't worry, I totally own them …… meaning the plot bunnies, naturally. Characters, I'm still trying to find the rights to – I left them lying around somewhere … Oh, and I also own a Nymphfish, and Chrissie owns the rights to her name :P

**A/N:** Thanks sooo much to everyone who's read and reviewed the latest chapter!! I'm really glad you haven't all abandoned me – hopefully this one will be worth the wait, too, and I'm sorry that I waited so long last time. I'm doing my best to stay on top of this fic, though, so if you'll bear with me then we should get there! Thanks again, and enjoy the next chapter :D

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"I cannot believe I let you talk me into this," Tonks said through gritted teeth as Hermione cast a Holding Charm on her hair. As if she couldn't just morph it into place. Hermione had had her morph long auburn hair, and had then taken the liberty of putting it up. By hand. The last time Tonks had done her hair by hand, she had been six.

"It's all for the greater good," Hermione insisted, grinning like the cat that had got the cream. Which, Tonks supposed, she sort of had. "Besides, you'll be fine. I just know he won't be able to say no to you."

"Even after I've not spoken to him in sixteen days?"

"He's still a **man**," she replied pointedly. "One look at you and he won't even care – he'll be a little curious about why you've changed your mind, but more than anything he'll just be relieved that you have. Trust me on this one."

"Of course: you are the one with all the experience," Tonks said dryly, and Ginny giggled from the corner. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Right, go get him, then!"

And that was how Tonks found herself outside Remus' classroom about ten minutes later, sporting her first 'up-do' in years, wearing a blouse her _mother_ had given her along with jeans, and to top it all off – she shuddered – _heels_. His room was normally about three minutes' walk from Gryffindor Tower, but it had taken her ten as a **result** of the heels. She was somewhat less than impressed by the whole situation, but a deal was a deal. She tottered through the class and up the spiral stairs with great difficulty, before rapping anxiously on the office door.

"Come in!" sounded from some distance away. Tonks took a deep breath, and held onto the handle for support as she pushed the door open and stepped nervously inside. The man himself appeared just a moment later through the door to his little private study; head still buried in a book; and then glanced up. He gaped at her for a moment.

"Dora?" he questioned, his face a picture of bemusement. She smiled sweetly – this was all part of Hermione's plan. Stun him into silence, then seduce him into submission. Not that Tonks was particularly thrilled about 'seducing' him, but she could at least make sure he was too distracted to say no. As for what happened when she got to the actual dance, assuming he said yes … well, she would cross that bridge when – IF – she came to it.

"Hi," she said simply, attempting to sound shy. "I'm not disturbing you, am I?"

"Not at all," Remus replied, and much to her shock and annoyance, his voice was perfectly steady and his features had smoothed into a mild expression. _Damn him_. "Come through."

"Thank you …" She followed him through to his study, peeking around her nervously for any hint that Carolyn had been here recently. She knew it was pathetic, but …

"Have a seat," he said, sitting down in front of the fire in a large cushy armchair not dissimilar to the ones in the Gryffindor common room. She settled herself carefully in the opposite one, glancing around his sanctuary.

"So much for not showing any bias as a teacher," she commented, taking in the none-too-subtle decorative choices of red and gold dotted around the room. He flashed her a wolfish grin as he lit the fire and began to send books flying about the room onto shelves: presumably he'd finished with them for the time being.

"I guess I'll need to find some way to get you to hold your tongue," he replied, and her breath caught in her throat.

"Now that you mention it," she ventured, "there is one thing you could do for me."

"Ah, so you didn't just come for a social visit, then?"

"Not exactly."

"I thought not," Remus said, leaning back in his chair and making a steeple of his fingers, which he then proceeded to press against his mouth, making him look thoughtfully intelligent. Or intelligently thoughtful – Tonks wasn't sure which. "I'm listening," he said.

"Well, uh …" She cleared her throat. "I just realised we weren't exactly clear on the situation for this party, or dance, or whatever it is, next weekend. I know I haven't been much help organising it, after … everything; but I'd still like to go. And if you're still interested in having your feet stepped on, then I wouldn't say no to having a dance partner who knows what he's doing, either." She watched him with bated breath. He raised one of those sceptical eyebrows of his in her direction, never breaking eye contact.

"Certainly an unexpected proposal," he said dryly, and Tonks winced. _So much for stunning him into silence._ Or was it the seduction and submission part she'd buggered up? Either way, the plan was failing miserably.

"What do you mean?" she asked, trying to keep her tone light, and much to her irritation, he scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"Well, considering it's been over two weeks since the last time you so much as allowed me to make eye contact with you –"

"You're the one who's been avoiding me!"

"I beg your pardon?" He seemed mildly affronted, and most certainly surprised. She felt her cheeks flame, and looked away from his eye again, fighting the embarrassment with every fibre of her being.

"You heard me."

"Dora, every time you come into class, I follow your movements until I have to begin teaching," Remus said, sounding a little hurt. "I watch you the entire way out of the door. I try my best to sit with you at meals, but you always manipulate the seating so that we're as far apart as possible. And when I see you in the corridors, you either pretend not to notice me, or turn and head the other way if you think I haven't seen you yet. Now you tell me who's been avoiding who this past fortnight."

"You're imagining it?" she offered weakly, and he merely snorted in response. She sighed heavily. "All right, I have avoided you, but I'm … I'm sorry, Remus. Don't ask me why, but after everything we've been through lately … I still want to be your friend." He eyed her shrewdly, something faintly reminiscent of surprise crossing his features.

"Friends?" he repeated, sounding doubtful, and she nodded earnestly. "Very well … if that's how you feel, then I would be honoured to escort you to this: 'party or dance or whatever,' next weekend. And I'll be sure to wear three pairs of socks under my shoes."

"You're a git."

"Glad to see we're back to normal."

"We both knew I couldn't stay mad at you for long," Tonks grinned. "Besides, now we'll get a bit of a show for our efforts."

"I'm intrigued," he responded, the corners of his mouth quirking slightly. She smirked.

"Let's just say … all's fair in love and war." _Be vague. Be cryptic. He'll be so confused he won't know what's hit him, hopefully_.

"And whatever you're talking about is going to be a bit of both?" he guessed, correctly, eyeing her up and down thoughtfully. "Now, is this one of those situations where you'll give me the answer right away, or one where I'll be forced to wring it out of you over the next hour or so? Because you know I always win at that, Dora."

"Sounds like a challenge to me, Professor," Tonks retorted in what she hoped was a sultry manner. This was so beyond her area of expertise, she might as well have been trying to flirt with a stick. _Note to self: practise flirting technique on sticks_. Remus raised his eyebrows and licked his lips. Did he have any idea how sexy he looked when he did that?

"And what exactly do you propose to do about it?" he asked her softly.

"I'll see you, and I'll raise you," she said triumphantly, catching the gleam in his eye as they descended into a bit of banter. This was familiar; comfortable.

"I see. The stakes?"

"If I manage to keep schtum right up until the party, you have to buy me dinner before, and if you get it out of me, I have to buy yours."

"How can I refuse?" Remus replied, smiling a little. "You're on."

"Excellent! Now, I'd better get back to the Tower – I want to see if Hagrid's back yet, and he'll probably owl Harry if he is, so –"

"Oh, Dora …" Remus got quickly to his feet, following her lead as she made to leave. "You didn't hear yet?" Tonks shook her head blankly, and he sighed sadly, taking a step a little closer to her. "Dora, Hagrid has returned – they've passed sentence on Buckbeak."

"Already? What – what happened?" she asked, her heart in her stomach.

"I'm so sorry … they've sentenced him to death." Tonks choked back a sob. She refused to let herself cry in front of him. _Please, not now_. "It won't happen right away – there will be an appeal, and I don't expect the actual execution will happen until nearer the summer … Dora, are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she said, but the shake in her voice gave her away, and she knew it. A moment later, she was enveloped in his arms. She knew she should run for her life – this was exactly the kind of situation she wanted to avoid – but right now, Merlin knew she needed the comfort he was offering her. She allowed herself to revel in the closeness between them, and sighed a little as her head drooped onto his shoulder. One of his hands rubbed small soothing circles in her spine, and honestly, she couldn't find it within herself to mind. This nearness to another human being wasn't something Tonks had allowed herself very often, and usually it was accompanied by drunken nights on the town and bad hangovers. It was nice to have someone care just about her, and not about how he could take advantage of her. Not many men would be so sweet to a vulnerable woman in her position.

"Shh …" God, now he was even consoling her. "Dora, it'll be all right – there will be an appeal … I really am so sorry … I mean, I'm sorry about everything."

"You – are?" Tonks lifted her face to his, still blinking back tears. She felt so exposed around him all the time, and this was the worst it had been. "Merlin …I just don't know with you anymore, Remus! Sometimes you treat me like I could be the love of your life, and others I'm someone you don't even bother to say hello to in the halls. I may change my appearance at will, but I don't change who I am. I just wish I knew where I stood."

"I can only apologise," he murmured, meeting her gaze with such bitter honesty in his eyes that she blanched. That look … it was so full of crushed hopes and shattered dreams that her heart ached to endure it. Nobody should have to suffer the kind of pain he had and almost certainly still would.

"Remus –" she began, but he continued as though she hadn't spoken.

"I've treated you appallingly … the only defence I can offer for myself is that – while all rational thought and moral decency screams at me to leave you be and allow you a chance at true happiness, because you don't deserve the heartache I have caused you – there is always part of me that cannot seem to imagine my life without you in it, Dora. You've gotten under my skin somehow, and it's been very difficult for me to try and let go of these feelings. But I swear to you, the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you … and I won't ever let it happen again. I'm so terribly sorry."

"Damn," she whispered, trying to smile, "that was a good answer. And for what it's worth, I don't want to live my life without you in it, either. You must know by now that I care about you too, Remus. But I'm not the sixteen-year-old girl with a crush I once was, either. I know there are reasons – bloody **good** reasons – that we shouldn't let this thing between us go any further. I just don't know what to do about it any more."

"I don't believe there's very much we can do," Remus answered softly, although she couldn't help but notice that his hand continued to caress her lower back. "You know very well why we cannot be together – for me to allow that to happen would not only be dangerous, but utterly unfair to you."

"Dangerous?" Tonks scoffed aloud, and saw a shadow cross Remus' face. "Remus, you – you don't really believe that your lycanthropy is a valid reason not to be together, do you?"

"It's hard to believe otherwise, given my past history in this area," he replied, a wry smile twisting his features. "But I assure you, I understand completely – I couldn't bear to be the reason anything happened to you. You deserve so much more than I can offer you, Dora, and I apologise profusely for causing you hurt."

"Remus!" She held him right where he was, disbelief coursing through her veins. "Forget about being a bloody werewolf – I don't know any other way to say it, but I don't freaking **care**! Merlin – you're the farthest thing from dangerous I could imagine! This isn't about your condition, at least not for me! No, personally, I had more of a problem with the slight factor you appear to have overlooked. Lady Carolyn?"

"Carolyn?" Now it was Remus' turn to look disbelieving. "What does any of this have to do with Carolyn?" _Was he __**kidding**_

"It has everything to do with her!" Tonks gasped, staring up at him in disgust. He furrowed his brow in that devastatingly sexy way he did, watching her bemusedly.

"You don't think Carolyn likes you?" he queried uncertainly, and she snorted.

"Like or hate me, I think she might have a slight problem with me waltzing into your life and stealing you away all for myself!"

"Well, contrary to what you appear to believe, Dora, it has in fact been many years since I have allowed my sister's opinion to influence who I do and do not date. Now, I don't deny it would please me if she got along **well** with any woman I chose to court, but I would never disregard a relationship because of –"

"Hang on." Tonks held up a hand, stopping him mid-sentence, her blood pounding in her ears, along with the resounding echo of one word. _Sister. She's his sister. Lady Carolyn is Remus' __**sister**_. "Sister?"

* * *

**A/N:** Well, I hope that partially makes up for the suckish filler chapter and the long waits between updates!! I've already got a little of the next one written, and I hope to get it up soon … and yes, yes, I'm sorry for leading you all up the garden path, but really, how boring would it have been to know from the start? As always, reviews and constructive criticism are welcomed! Thanks loads for reading!

Alli xoxo


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